| | Joined: May 2010 Posts: 48 Contributing Member (25+ posts) | | Contributing Member (25+ posts)
Joined: May 2010 Posts: 48 | Hey everyone, I am officially one month post treatment. I am swallowing more on a regular basis. Got rid of the spit cup and I able able to take ensure by mouth, applesauce, yogurt, and all my meds. It's not much but a start. Still have pain when I swallow. Though my obvious biggest concern is not getting a recurrence; I am also concerned about dating and finding love again. I was unfortunately getting over a break up from my fiance last year; we were suppose to get married May 16th 2009. Sometimes I wonder if the stress from the breakup caused my cancer to develop. Though the doctors say most likely the tumor was there for a while in my tonsils. Now that I have been diagnosed with cancer and am trying to survive this dreaded disease I worry that I may never find love again. I know know I won't be anywhere ready to try dating for at least another 6-8months; by then I will be closer to 40. I am so worried of being alone. I friends who care about me; but it's not the same as having someone to hold; soemone to rub your back at night. Someone to cuddle up with or hold hands and take long walks!! Has anyone been successful at dating and finding love after there diagnosis?
Charles
Charles
HPV +16 Right Tonsil SCC with 1 Right lymph node. Tonsillectomy and neck resection.
Got 33 radiation doses via tomo machine (58 gry to back of throat, 65 gry to right neck, and 56 gry to left neck) with 2 cisplatin and one carboplatin due to possible hearing loss.
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 875 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 875 | Hello Charles: If you go to the Search area (above, right), and type in "Dating," some posts from others about that subject will show. Personally, I think if and when you are ready to date, you should pursue it and not let the DEMON win that battle. Many people who have had, or have, cancer find partners to share their lives. I wish you the best of luck, and "Go for it!"  julieann
Julieann Nov 2007 SCC on right tonsil following tonsillectomy. Was smoker, QUIT. (Stage IV T2 N2b) 7 weeks radiation one day/wk chemo (carboplatin and 5-FU). Allergic to Taxol; PEG in, lost 30 lbs. TX completed January 2008. PEG out mid- 2008. PET/CT 1/17/2011;2/3/12 NEGATIVE for cancer  | | | | | Joined: Feb 2010 Posts: 235 Gold Member (200+ posts) | | Gold Member (200+ posts)
Joined: Feb 2010 Posts: 235 | I couldn't agree with Julieann more. I have worked with quite a few folks that had cancer and went on to good relationships. And frankly, the relationships that weren't great were not because of the cancer.
I think when you have had a chance to heal physically, you should absolutely get out there and find the relationship you deserve.
CG to Spouse BOT, Chemo and radiation started on March 29,2010
Ended on May 14,2010. LET THE HEALING BEGIN!!!
| | | | | Joined: Mar 2002 Posts: 4,918 Likes: 71 OCF Founder Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | OCF Founder Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Mar 2002 Posts: 4,918 Likes: 71 | This is a great question, that has only been exlored here lightly. I know that I am not the guy I was before cancer physically, in both apperance and in physical capabilities. I suspect were I not in the great relationship that I lucked into a couple of decades ago, that this would all be on my mind. For sure we all tell our kids and hopefully believe ourselves that it is what's inside that matters... But too often out in the real world, getting the chance to let that part of you shine is limited by superficial things.
BUT AS A GUY (sorry ladies) meeting women is always a matter of shots on a goal. If you don't put yourself out there, your mathematical probabilities are nil. So tough it up for some rejection, and one day the right one will come along. That partner is out there. Hell, I have more rough edges on me than can be counted, and I found one.... But as my wife once said she had to kiss a lot of toads before she met a prince. You likely have qualities that are someone's perfect match, so put your ego aside an take a leap. Just make sure there's a little water in the pool before you let go of the edge.
Last edited by Brian Hill; 08-02-2010 11:05 PM.
Brian, stage 4 oral cancer survivor. OCF Founder and Director. The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant.
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | Charles as all know, mine walked away after I had surgery , but I have had many offers to fate but kind of shy away due to this toothless mouth and weight loss of close to 80lbs. Go for it and ask a lady out. I;'m sure you might be surprised at how many are willing to date . One day I will get brave and agree to go out with one.
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | LOL that was date not fate. I'm the typo king
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
| | | | | Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 790 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Feb 2007 Posts: 790 | Charles- You will find love again. Just think of how tough all of this has made you. The right woman will be astounded by your strength of character. Be confident and be proud of what you have survived. Now you know how precious life is- which most people will never know. Go out there and find a woman who will be attracted to your spirit and your strength. I have no tongue and scars but I do still get hit on on occassion
Tongue Cancer T2 N0 M0 /
Total Glossectomy Due to Location of Tumor
Finished all treatments May 25 2007
Surviving!!!
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2009 Posts: 148 Likes: 1 Senior Member (100+ posts) | | Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2009 Posts: 148 Likes: 1 | Hey Charles, Don't worry, you are going to do fine! I wrote in about when or not to tell a date about my medical history. I received a lot of good advice.
I joined match.com & am having a ball! I had a coffee date last night with a guy (who does not know about my cancer) we had a great time. I saw him glance at my neck (thats got radiation "creases") but he never said anything! On-line dating is a good way to go I find, because it gives one the ability to form a very good friendship via emails back & forth. ...No, I don't work for match.com!!!!
I'm talking to 3 guys now (taking notes to keep their facts straight) If nothing else, its a confidence builder, addicting & flirty...it's fun!
Not to be gross...but I really worried about dry mouth...kissing? It's OK!!! Lets just say..things just blend together!!! Go for it!!!...when YOUR ready!
BOT T3N2M0 No surgery, 38radiation treatments,4 chemo rounds, peg removed 11/08, still have a port. Treatments ended 6/20/08. So far, so Good ! "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much !"
*** Admin update --- Dianne has passed away on August 25, 2015 ***
| | | | | Joined: May 2010 Posts: 48 Contributing Member (25+ posts) | | Contributing Member (25+ posts)
Joined: May 2010 Posts: 48 | Thank you so much for the encouraging words of wisdom! We all deserve to be loved. When this started I asked and cried to god many nights why he let this happen to me now at this point in my life; All I can do is have faith! Love you guys! Big HUGGS!!!
Charles
Charles
HPV +16 Right Tonsil SCC with 1 Right lymph node. Tonsillectomy and neck resection.
Got 33 radiation doses via tomo machine (58 gry to back of throat, 65 gry to right neck, and 56 gry to left neck) with 2 cisplatin and one carboplatin due to possible hearing loss.
| | | | | Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 | What wonderful, positive suggestions you've gotten above! One of my son's friends (recently divorced) just met a wonderful guy on match.com after she joined a hiking group. There are all kinds of different interest groups that you can join which seems to me to be less intimidating than a one-on-one kind of date. It's kind of like trying out the wading pool before you go into the big pool! Go for it, Charles!
Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 875 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 875 | This is for you, Ez Jim. With the wonderful personality you have, and the fun you make happen in just about everything you do, I have no doubt you will meet a special person one day. As far as the "toothless grin," I see your photo on Facebook, and you are "the man!" Anyway, most of us will also be toothless one day, so there!
Julieann
Julieann Nov 2007 SCC on right tonsil following tonsillectomy. Was smoker, QUIT. (Stage IV T2 N2b) 7 weeks radiation one day/wk chemo (carboplatin and 5-FU). Allergic to Taxol; PEG in, lost 30 lbs. TX completed January 2008. PEG out mid- 2008. PET/CT 1/17/2011;2/3/12 NEGATIVE for cancer | | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | LOL Julie , you just made my happy day happier. Thanks for the compliments . It's time I kissed up to you and get even by making your day. I sure hope most of us don't loose the chompers. Hmmmmm I wonder what swapping spit is like without them. Juast thinking to myself, that frech kissing should be worry free because you sure couldn't bite any tongues. LOL Just had to say that.
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 875 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 875 | You are soooooooooooooooo funnny. Love ya.
julieann
Julieann Nov 2007 SCC on right tonsil following tonsillectomy. Was smoker, QUIT. (Stage IV T2 N2b) 7 weeks radiation one day/wk chemo (carboplatin and 5-FU). Allergic to Taxol; PEG in, lost 30 lbs. TX completed January 2008. PEG out mid- 2008. PET/CT 1/17/2011;2/3/12 NEGATIVE for cancer | | | | | Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 1,409 Likes: 1 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 1,409 Likes: 1 | Charles, you and I are in the same boat but for the fact that you've got 16 more years to get to my sorry-ass single state! I agree with all posters. It took me about 8 months post-RT but I did try an online dating service (and if you don't want to pay for match dot com, try plentyoffish dot com - it's free!) and actually went on a couple of dates with one woman. That it didn't work out was due only to chemistry and had nothing to do with cancer. It's tough, but worth a try.
D2
David 2
SCC of occult origin 1/09 (age 55)| Stage III TXN1M0 | HPV 16+, non-smoker, moderate drinker | Modified radical neck dissection 3/09 | 31 days IMRT finished 6/09 | Hit 15 years all clear in 6/24 | Radiation Fibrosis Syndrome kicked in a few years after treatment and has been progressing since | Prostate cancer diagnosis 10/18
| | | | | Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 644 Likes: 1 "OCF Down Under, Kiwi" "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "OCF Down Under, Kiwi" "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 644 Likes: 1 | Some fabulous advice there, Charles. I wish you well - I had enough trouble finding a partner long before I had cancer. Brian's words of wisdom are so, well, wise! How do you do it, Brian?
1996, ovarian cancer surgery + cisplatin and taxol.
September, 2007, SCC of left lateral tongue. Excision.
October, 2009 recurrence in scar tissue, T1NOMO. Free flap surgery from left wrist - neck dissection. 63 year old New Zealander. No chemo, no RT.
February, 2014. New primary in left buccal mucosa. Marginal mandibulectomy, neck dissection, right arm free forearm flap. T1N0M0 but third occurrence and some areas of concern: RT started 8 April and finished 19 May.
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | I started to go for plentyoffish but got chicken and deleted it. Maybe too soon? I'm glad to see it worked for you David even tho she didn't work out. I really think most people with good common sense don't even think about OC or any other type of Cancer.
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | Julie, it's a good thing you have a good man. LOL I would be after you like a dog after a bone.
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 875 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jun 2009 Posts: 875 | Now THAT is what I call a real man's compliment!!!! Thank you, Jim. Love ya,
julieann
Julieann Nov 2007 SCC on right tonsil following tonsillectomy. Was smoker, QUIT. (Stage IV T2 N2b) 7 weeks radiation one day/wk chemo (carboplatin and 5-FU). Allergic to Taxol; PEG in, lost 30 lbs. TX completed January 2008. PEG out mid- 2008. PET/CT 1/17/2011;2/3/12 NEGATIVE for cancer | | |
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