How have you prepared yourself for another (and another and another) round of treatment with your loved one?

I have so many fears for my mother: for her health, for her life, for her attitude (which is not good) and for her willingness to forge ahead.

However, selfishly and honestly, I have many anxieties and fears of my own: fear for my own stress level, for the health of the child I am carrying, for my family and my life before this cancer.

I love my mother and want to fight for her to have her in my life - for as long as possible. That keeps me driven.

What I worry about is the continual stress this puts on our family. I worry that her terrible pisser attitude (quite present before cancer, but surely exacerbated by this) will only get worse. I worry that the next period of treatment will be scarred by the underlyings of this stress and anxiety - from me, from her as well as the other caregivers.

This is a terrible experience and I still have my mother: but I am grateful for what I have learned about living in the moment, about gratitude and happiness. However, my mother only gets more depressed, more anxious, retreats more into her solitude...

What gets everyone through this, a second time around?

(Thank you to this forum for the opportunity to share very private anxieties in a non-judgemental way, about a situation in which we are absolutely not the star players.)

Daughter in VA.

I live in Annandale, VA, probably somewhat close to you.

I am 55 year old, married, one son (14) and have been also diagnosed with BOT (not over midline), not clearly staged, but probably a T3N0M0. I also doing Induction chemo, and will in the future do chemo/radiation.

What gets me through this is quite honestly, knowing I don't have any real control. I get the best treatment I can, work as hard and smart as I'm able to win this battle, but ultimately, what's going to be is going to be. It may sound strange, but it sure takes a lot of pressure off my back.

Although, I'm a lapsed Christian, I returned to talking with God.
A very good fiction Christian book that's out now is "The Shack." (Border's Best Sellers). It really helps explain how bad things can happen to good people, and is very uplifting.

Also, get your Mom to go to a support group. I know there's one at INOVA (Northern Virginia). Also, there are several "Life with Cancer" centers in Virginia. They have lots of activities and support...yoga, knitting, diet, etc. Sorry, I'm not familiar with DC, but I'm sure Georgetown can help.

Also, if she wants, there is a online cancer...www.oncochat.org.
People drop in all the time to get support. Nice group of people. Tell you mom that I'm on there. My screen name is "faith."

I write more later.
Sandyst

Thanks Sandyst,

For reasons I cannot explain, my mother just hasn't gotten involved with any support groups; not at the hospital (that we visited daily for months), not the local hospital near her home, and not online... which is how I can feel free to post so many questions!
I certainly wish she would get involved in something - I know how rich and filling friendships and relationships can be.
Instead, she calls *me* with her fears, concerns, anxieties... and I am simply ill equipped to handle it all!

Thank you for the tip; I continue to suggest support groups and other activities, but apart from driving her myself, I cannot make it happen.