Hello fellow caregivers and survivors,

I've been off the radar for a while, but in long enough to read about and take advantage of the University of Maryland journaling/sharing opportunity. By the way, the writing helped me tremendously in being aware of my feelings before and after I wrote. Kudos to the people involved in that project!

So, the squamous cells made an appearance on my husban's neck just nine months after the surgery that removed part of the right and bottom side of the tongue.

A neck dissection that was performed on October 13. Only one lymph node out of 14 was compromised. The surgery took nearly four hours, but the doctor took a biopsy of the tongue that looked risky, checked the area thoroughly incuding the voice box and found nothing bad.

We came home the same day. There was a draing tube for a week, followed by the doctor's suggestion to see an oncologist. In the doctor's opinion, no radiation was necessary because the lymp node looked contained with no ramifications to other sites but radiation is not his expertise. Dr. said it was my husband's decision to take radiation or not, but the oncologist could give a more educated recommendation.

With the doctor's comments of 'you probably don't need it' we visited the oncologist who had a completely different idea. She saw potential risks that would take chemo and radiation if my husband decided not to act now. Radiation is in the near future, and the ball started rolling. My husband is anxious.

Monday, there's a CT scan on the schedule, and then they'll tell us when my husband needs to see the dentist, and so on and so forth. Lots of hurry up and wait.

My approach is to follow my husband's lead in what he needs. I realize many times what he needs is to be alone, and I tend to be annoyingly 'helpful'.

I would welcome your input.

PattyElle

Stick with the Oncologist and start the Radiation. If Chemo is offered also then do both. After all my mother has been through I wish she would have done both from the beginning. Be strong and battle the beast with everything you have. You can win.

Good luck
Heidi

When I was diagnosed and had discussions on treatment options, the consensus was to hit it all guns blazing. I had induction chemo and the full chemoradiation treatments.

My belief was consistent to do everything possible to nuc the bastard as hard as humanly possible. I did NEVER want to look back and think what if. We did everything possible to obliterate it from my body.

If I were facing a similar situation now, my core beliefs remain steady. Do all you can to kill the bastard short of killing me! Let's get it on! Do or die, no other options. But this is a warrior talking so adjust to your own taste.

I hope you find the path that is as clear today as it is when you look back.

Don

I let John do the choosing. It is, after all, his body. But I let him know that I will back him up irrespective. He may make a decision that I don't quite agree with, but he is the one who has to deal with the consequences, not me.

Good luck on the treatment and look up what some of the issues rads patients have here... there are some pretty detailed descriptions of the stages you go through during rads and the needs and how to cope with them. Don't push him but when he encounters an issue, tell him this might help, and if he agrees give him what he needs. Hugs and good luck.

Thank you all for your comments.

Last year, neither of the three doctors we visited recommended radiation or chemo. The scc was stage one and the surgery was successful with clear margins that lead everybody to believe no other treatment was necessary other than doctor's visits every six weeks. Nobody said the word oncologist.

This year, after the neck dissection, there was a recommendation to see the oncologist. After that, my husband wanted to make the decision without my input and I agreed. He chose radiation, and I'm glad.

Perhaps I'm fooling myself, but I trust and feel comfortable with the doctors.
It would be aggressive of me to ask for treatments they have not yet suggested especially if I'm not the one taking them.

I'm taping all doctors conversations and they know it.

Thanks again!!!

I'm curious why you are taping all the conversations.

Uptown, sometimes two sets of ears are not enough.

My husband had a list of questions for the doctor that she had already addressed in one of the taped conversations. He actually didn't hear much due to his anxiety and the way the soft spoken doctor spoke. He's also somewhat deaf, so I put the earphones on my phone and let him hear it while I went to the gym.

Thanks for asking,
Patty

Pretty innovative.