It's been 2 months since Jim's been gone. House is still, people r gone, nothing but quiet. My routine is shattered, my purpose is no longer here. Jim was my purpose. Have tried the widow site, but nothing compares to talking with u and trying to find answers....now there's no need. He sits in a box next to my bed, with his hat, cell phone, & a mountain dew.
I am sooooo sad!
Paula
Paula
its too soon for anything else darlin.Roll with it for a while as no amount of counselling or widow sites or anything else will help at the moment.The pain,the lonliness and the sadness are part of the grieving process and you are allowed to indulge your grief for a while.You just can't force these things,and we all cope differently,and bearing in mind how many years you lived with cancer and the knowledge you were going to lose Jim,and the traumas you went through its not surprising you feel as you do.
Jeez i had Robs ensure in a cupboard for two years after he died and just couldn't throw it out.
Be kind to yourself honey and do things at your own pace,and remember, when the world gets on with its life and you don't know how too.....thats normal,hard as hell but normal.
((((hugs)))))
Paula, I am so sorry that this has happened. Of course you would be devastated with losing Jim. Everyone grieves at their own pace, there is no right or wrong or timelines. I hope you will find some comfort soon. You are always among friends here.
Been thinking about you since Jim died and am sending you good vibes/karma/wishes whatever you want to call it. I always looked for your posts. Jim was a special man who returned your love, and you were an AWESOME caregiver. I wish you periods of peace which I know is the most you can hope for right now. As Cookey said - be kind to YOU!!
Hugs
Donna
Hey Paula! So glad to see you come back and check in with all of us. Did you take that mini vacation with the Challenger to Galveston? Hold onto them memories, hold them close in time things will come around for you, but don't YOU ever give up living! Death sucks,I think about it all the time and I see life still goes on. I went to a memorial service Saturday for Ron's very close cousin's wife who passed away unexpectantly in a hotel room on their way back from visiting her son in GA, she had a blood clot in her lung. I was raised Catholic, this memorial service was at a Lutheren church. The pastor showed a 30 minute or so cd video that was called The Road to Isthmas I think I can't remember exactly and it was really interesting in talking about Death and God and Jesus and put into persective death. I am most definately NOT a religion pusher but this movie was interesting. I was trying to find what prayer I picked out for my mother, I loved it but I couldn't but here are some really good ones to maybe help you get back to living life as Jim I'm sure wants you too. OOXX
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So sing as well.
-Joyce Grenfell
Going To Heaven
When I am gone, release me, let me go I have so many things to see and do. You mustn�t tie yourselves to me with tears, just be happy that we had some years. I gave you my love, you can only guess how much you gave to me in happiness. I thank you for the love you each have shown, but now it�s time I traveled on alone. Do grieve a while for me if you must then let your grief be comforted by trust. It�s only for a while that we must part, so keep our memories within your hearts. I won�t be far away, for life goes on, so if you need me call and I will come. Though you can�t see or touch me I�ll be near, and if you listen with your heart you will hear, all of my love around so soft and dear. And then when you must come this way alone, I�ll greet you with a smile and say welcome home.
Miss Me But Let Me Go
When I come to the end of the road, and the sun has set for me, I want no rites in a gloom-filled room, why cry for a soul set free? Miss me a little-but not too long, and not with your head bowed low, remember the love that we once shared. Miss me but let me go. For this a journey we all must take, and each must go alone. It's all a part of the Master's plan, a step on the road to home. When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends we know. Bury your sorrows in doing good deeds. Miss me but let me go
Hi Paula. Unfortunately there are no words to make you feel better. No one can know how you feel or what you are going through unless they have walked in your shoes. I lost my mom 3 years ago to pancreatic cancer. My parents were married for 56 years and my dad is lost without her. Gradually over time the good memories replace the terrible memories of when she was so, so sick and dying.
When you are taking care of someone who is so sick your life seems to revolve around doctor appointments, hospital visits etc. When they are gone it feels like your world stopped but everyone else continues on. PLEASE continue to come here to post or just "lurk". You have so much to offer all of us.
Keeping you in my prayers as you travel this difficult road. Praying for brighter, happy memories to replace your sadness. Hugs, Wanda
Paula,
I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I wish I had words of comfort for you. Just know that you are dearly loved. You are more than welome here any time. I dont belive a persons cancer is over when they die, I think its effects continue for many years in the lives of family and friends who are learning to live life without their loved one.
Wendy
Paula I wish I could give you a hug right now as do all of us I'm sure. I don't know the words to provide comfort for you although I wish I did. We all love you and are here for you xx
I'm feeling hugged tonite by my OCF family...thank u
Paula