Hi
My Brian is now in the hospital for the 4th time in 2 mths, with pneumonia infections from merca and aspiration. And now he has blood clots in his lungs and leg. They are treating it with blood thinners which make me nervous because of the bleed he had in october from the radiation which had eroded a vessel near his tonsil. Ever since the bleed it has been very difficult for Brian. they said that blood clots are sometimes more pron in cancer patients and also his nutrition is poor so that may be a factor. Bu hers the thing I think Brians tired of fighting, it was a year memorial day wknd that he new something was wrong not diagnosed till June 06. I think his body is telling him that enough is enough. I don't want to lose him. I keep telling him to hang on he made it threw the bleed which the Drs say is a miracle. But we have 2 children ages 19 and 16 he just turned 50. Its not time for him to go. But I see it in his eyes he's so very tired. I am so proud of the battle he has fought I don't want this damn cancer to win. they told me his long term prognosis is not good with every thing his body has been through.. But I can't give up on him. I just don't no what to do anymore.I guestion everything the drs do. I hate to leave him alone in the hospital. But I have to continue some normal routine for my daughter and son who are having such a difficult time.
Thanks
For listening.

Dear B. What a tough time youall are going through. This is a damnable disease and it takes every ounce of courage one can muster to get through it. Altho I hope this does not happen with you, I remember clearly when John told me he just did not have any fight left-he was indeed too tired to keep trying [and hurting]. There may come the day when you and Brian and your kids will have to have that conversation. My advice to you is to talk to your kids privately to see if they fully understand the kind of battle he is dealing with. John's son refused to acknowledge his Dad's condition until almost the end and that was very hard on everyone. Remember, whatever happens- YOU are NOT giving up on him, what you are doing is sharing his life the best you can from now forward. And you can be sure that he doesn't want to give up on you either, but he indeed may be very tired.Hopefully his Docs can give you some more positive feedback.Please try to stay strong. Amy in the Ozarks

Dear B
my thoughts and prayers are with you at such a devastating time

B,

What a tough battle he is waging. Tell him all of us are pulling for him and not to give up.

B:
You and Brian are going through treatments that seem deterined to be as tough or tougher then the disease they are battling. My husband also ended up in the hospital with blod clots.
You need to take some time for yourself( deep breath) and then get honest answers from his doctors- Have them define poor prognosis- terminal? soon? eventually? quality of life? Then talk with your beloved husband and Amy says it better then anyone. When you have the facts, Brians desire then share with your family. You are doing everyhting you can and being ehausted and feeling like giving up is a very normal part of being a caregiver.

Paula