Need to vent - 02-17-2005 11:48 PM
Ok.. my therapist says that I need to cry every now and then. I cry inside but very little ever manifests outside until tonight.
I have to share this because it is ripping me apart inside and I feel so lost and sad so much of the time.
On Monday night, my husband was very ill and I had to take him to the hospital which is where he has been all week.
Tonight I went to watch our little 8 year old baby boy sing with his classmates. They sang "We are the World" and I cried. Standing in front of all of these people who have no idea what is happening in our lives and I looked into that precious little beautiful face and I saw joy. And then I remembered all of the programs that my husband and I have gone to over the last several years with both of our boys and how lonely it was that he was not there with me.
I tried not to cry but it happened. God this is so unfair. I hurt all of the time and I can;t ever make it go away. I try to be strong for him but when I leave him I fall apart. My house is a wreck, the laundry is not done, the fridge needs cleaning out and I just cannot seem to find the motivation to do anything.
I never dreamed that I would ever have to face this in my life. My mother-in-law is 90 and her son has taken such good care of himself that this was the last thing I ever thought that we would have to face.
I have never felt such sadness in my life and damn it hurts every minute of every day!
I have to share this because it is ripping me apart inside and I feel so lost and sad so much of the time.
On Monday night, my husband was very ill and I had to take him to the hospital which is where he has been all week.
Tonight I went to watch our little 8 year old baby boy sing with his classmates. They sang "We are the World" and I cried. Standing in front of all of these people who have no idea what is happening in our lives and I looked into that precious little beautiful face and I saw joy. And then I remembered all of the programs that my husband and I have gone to over the last several years with both of our boys and how lonely it was that he was not there with me.
I tried not to cry but it happened. God this is so unfair. I hurt all of the time and I can;t ever make it go away. I try to be strong for him but when I leave him I fall apart. My house is a wreck, the laundry is not done, the fridge needs cleaning out and I just cannot seem to find the motivation to do anything.
I never dreamed that I would ever have to face this in my life. My mother-in-law is 90 and her son has taken such good care of himself that this was the last thing I ever thought that we would have to face.
I have never felt such sadness in my life and damn it hurts every minute of every day!