Its been about 2 weeks since I was given the biopsy report of having squamous cells carcinoma stage 1. Its been an emotional ride for me and my family. Just looking at the kids and my wife makes me afraid of what can happen. I just want to curl up and cry at times and have. My middle son (14)is the sweetest boy. But that also makes him very emotional. He called me Friday from school saying he has having bad thoughts and was thinking of hurting himself. My wife and I were at 3 doctors appointments a 100 miles away. I had my mother go pick him up and take him to the Dr office to get checked out. The Dr gave him some meds and arranged for him to see a councilor. The guilt I feel for putting him in this position is horrible.
I was in a car accident about 2 years ago that caused a TBI and I was not allowed to work for almost a year. It caused a lot of impairment and anger issues along with PTSD from the crash and from being in the ARMY to surface which I had never had before. And he was primarily in charge of me during that time. It was rough on my little man. So he went to counseling for that. Luckily he gets to see the same councilor who he connected with. This scares the crap out of me. I'm scared of leaving my family I'm scared for them all the time.. I've never been afraid of dying its just something that could come from the Jobs I do. But this is NOT that its something you can't dodge or move out of the way from. Helpless is the word. The not knowing till its over. Man at times I want to smash something. So I hit the punching dummy. One of my friends had cancer the kind that the doctors say your need to get your affairs in order. His mom died from the same thing when he was 3. He had a rough fight on his hands and made it. He is such a great guy he calls every day and gives little words of wisdom and thoughts for the day. He tells me to quit worrying about what you cant do anything about it will beat you down. He says take on day at a time. each day is a win. its tough to do at times but it helps. Now to keep fighting and being strong for myself and my family.

Hi, Moona11
I am glad you have your friend's good advice - this is a beastly disease and it is scary. That said - your have some great allies on your side with your doctors and your family. Your surgery is only in a week and a half - once you start treatment you will feel that you are DOING something and have a goal. You are in a fight, but NOT helpless.
Maria

I'm sorry you need to be here. Your Friend is absolutely right, One day at a time is how I got through this. Just deal with one day at a time.
My other mantra is " don't borrow sorrow from tomorrow". That is wasted emotion and worry. It may never happen.
I wish you well with your treatments and will keep you and your Family in my thoughts.
Tammy

Hi Moona11 - I don't get on here too often, but I just had to check in when I saw your post. You have already taken some very positive steps and have caught this SCC very early. My son had SCC Stage 2 and it was a very rough ride for him but he's doing fine now and it's been almost 10 years! You are a really good Dad and you have great family support. You took the right steps in getting your Mom to take your son to get some help. Your son sounds like a very compassionate young man and that's a good quality to have. Just being fourteen can be a difficult time in any teen's life but with the added issues you are all facing, it is something that anyone would need help with. And you are providing that help. There is every reason for you to expect the very best outcome for yourself and your family! Tammy (above) is right - just take one day at a time. . . sometimes it is just one step at a time. And remember to celebrate even the small steps and progress you make. Even though you and your wife were far away when your son needed help, you got it for him in getting your Mom's help. So that was a good step. Good for you! and Good for her!