why am I still so depresses and angry after almost seven years I tell myself to get over it, but the pain in my neck and mouth is still so bad, that the meds I am on don't work as they used too, maybe I should ask doc a different antidepressant or meds, my hubby deals out my meds because he thinks I was taking too much I hate going out as the as I cannot have a drink without it dribbling out my mouth and the only food I can get down is ice cream and I still even choke on that, I know I should be over this by now but I am not my best friend now is valium but hubby only lets me have it if I am almost a screaming heap. and now I have also been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis some days I cannot get out of bed because the pain is so bad I have not posted here for some time ass we have moved to another town, I thought it might help, but no...hubby and I walk almost every day but there are days when I can hardly put one foot in front of the other. thanks for letting me vent here, and may God bless you all

Margie, you are not alone with this! Depression in oral cancer patients is very common.

Its ok to vent, we understand exactly where you are coming from.

(((HUGS)))

Great choice of a place to vent!!!!! As Christine wrote, "you are not alone in this".

Margie, I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I'm not surprised you're depressed. You deserve a medal for surviving. And it must be awful if people tell you to "look on the bright side" or "see how far you've come" etc when you're feeling like sh... most of the time. At 7 years post treatment, you can at least tell yourself you are a cancer survivor, and that is fantastic, but depression is no respecter of circumstance or reason. I wish you the very best and I'll be thinking of you. Linda

Margie, my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine the stress of long-term recovery coupled with depression, a move and worries about meds. And yet you manage a daily walk, find your way here and even share a God bless -- Wow. When you're ready, I hope you'll have a chance to reach out to support groups, new health care teams, maybe even new friends in your new home. In the meantime we are here for you!

Love & Hugs,

Mama

Hi, Margie.

I am so sorry that you are still suffering so much. It often takes a person who knows what you have been enduring to feel comfortable letting it all out...we understand, unlike even your closest friend or spouse. Some things in life are inconceivable until one follows the very same path.

I just made a post talking about my depression/anxiety, as well.

Did you have these issues at baseline? If so, you can certainly expect it to get worse (sometimes exponentially) with treatment and years thereafter.

Fortunately, I have been managed well over the years with a medication regimen that has worked for me. They are not "happy pills" as some uneducated people say. I liken it to being a Type I diabetic, where your pancreas doesn't make enough insulin. No one blames the diabetic for his/her disease...something of which he/she had no control over getting. But, when someone's brain doesn't make enough serotonin or norepinephrine, we are sometimes viewed as "weak", "fragile", "psycho"...like we have control over it and it's a moral problem/choice to be happy or sad.

When you add multiple medical problems, especially ones that add to chronic pain (cancer and RA), the depression/anxiety often gets worse. As you know, this is a vicious cycle. The only thing I might suggest to you that has helped me tremendously is to seek a consult with a palliative care specialist/pain specialist. It has enabled me to function much better and return to work. I'm still in pain, but it is manageable. That is the key...to make it manageable. Otherwise, your depression likely will not get better.

You have more than your fair share of reasons to have chronic pain. I hope you are able to get the help you need. Perhaps talking things over with your doctors about your current treatment plan and discuss some possible changes that may make a difference.

I applaud you for getting out and walking every day. That takes a lot of energy (mental and physical) to overcome the inertia that makes you want to lay in bed all day. I know that all too well. If left to my own devices, I would currently sleep my life away, but I can't because of my responsibilities.

May I also suggest aquatic therapy. It is great for patients with RA. Since you are in AU, I'm not sure how the healthcare system works there, but I'm a PT and lots of my mentors are Aussies! It's worth a try, I say!

Best wishes to you finding your niche and getting on the path to feeling much better with a manageable life.

xo,
Kerri

Hi Margie - Sounds like you have a great husband to help you through the rough times and keep you moving. Depression is really a bummer and it takes very small steps to realize any improvement. You've had so much to deal with, plus moving to another town is a huge change in itself. Any change in life, even if it is a good one is very stressful for anyone and can contribute to depression so it helps to have some compassion for yourself and know that things will get better even if it takes a little while longer than you think it should. I would like to echo Kerri's suggestion about trying aquatic therapy. It is amazing what just swimming laps did for me to relieve my arthritis! Come back here often and let us know how you are doing.

Margie,
After reading Anne Marie's post, I forgot about possibly seeing a psychologist. My doctor recommended seeing someone that practices DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). I'm sure That you can look it up. I'm still searching for someone outside Boston. Good luck!

Hi Kerri - I see that MacLean's Hospital (in Belmont) has an DBT program. Perhaps they can recommend a Doctor that provides out-patients services?

Best,
Nancy

Thanks again, Nancy! You've been very resourceful, lol! It's very much appreciated .

Thank you all for your good wishes and sound advice Kerrie thanks

Best wishes to you, Margie! Please come back to vent any time you want...as many times as you need! Don't worry about what others think. We are all here for one another.

You deserve all good things!

xoxo,
Kerri