I lost my best friend on Friday evening to oral cancer and I am trying to see through the tears to write this. I can't stop crying and I miss her, and I am afraid to imagine how I am going to make it without her. My whole world has changed. She was diagnosed with stage 4 Oral Cancer (located in her jaw, back in late 2012) She passed 5.10.13 and was only 52 years old. She was my rock, my words of wisdom and my best friend. I was not with her when she passed and I am trying to get through the hurt of missing the moments of her journey that she clearly stated she wanted me to be on. Her family did not let me be by her side. The emotional weight this carries is unbearable.

Stacy

Stacy,

I can honestly say my friend, I know how you feel. I've lost many a friend to this horrid disease over the last 5 years, a weight I don't often deal well with. I don't think the pain every fully goes away, and I'm changed after every one. It often makes me crabbyto be around.

I just lost my friend Tom a little over a week ago from his 3rd bout with Oral Cancer and I'm reeling. I write for a living really and I haven't been able to express myself well without taking other peoples heads off, anger is how I've always expressed my feelings, which is a dysfunction I learned from my parents who learned from theirs etc... It makes for making and keeping people close a tough one which is one of the many reasons why Tom and I got a long. We were both too mouthy for our own good.

I lost my friend Nate last year to this disease too and I still haven't recovered, I miss him everyday. I keep myself busy volunteering and trying to keep in shape, and spend as much time with loved ones as I can, but I plug into these forums daily if only to read and draw strength from the beautiful people here. I've limited my writing here because I haven't wanted to spread my grief, but really this is the only place to do it as nobody else understands.

I'm glad you found these forums my friend, I'm sorry you had to.

Eric

I am so very sorry that her family would not allow you to be with your friend as she had wished. I am sure that hurts a great deal. Please know that whether you were there with her physically or not, she knew how much you cared and she carries your love with her.

I hope that in time your happy memories of your time together will start to ease your pain. Hugs

Donna

Im very sorry for the loss of your close friend to oral cancer. Its a terrible disease! Here on the OCF forum, we are like family and unfortunately have experienced loss and all the deep emotions that go with it. Its never easy losing a loved one. It will take some time before you can turn the grief around and remember the happier times.

May your friend rest in peace.

Man, that's harsh on the part of the family! I wonder how they live with themselves.

I lost my best friend one week before Thanksgiving, he was one helluva soldier and my hero. We shared many things, tops among them being paratroopers but we had another commonality; we are/were both incurable. His was prostrate cancer that showed up in his bladder less than a month before his death.

We often spoke of what was next on our paths, neither of us worried about it. He spent the last week of his life in our local Hospice, where he was very comfortable and happy. He died in mid-sentence with another friend who arrived as I was leaving for the day - about 30 minutes after I had left.

For whatever it's worth, I'd react to the family with compassion. I have no idea what could have moved them to shut you out, but I'd still recommend compassion. Do write the family, but be loving and compassionate when you do, and don't mention your bitter disappointment.

Offer your kind response to your friend as a final gift and a sign of your love for him/her. Believe me, the pain will pass, and you will eventually be proud of your reaction. In addition, it may cause the family to reach out to YOU. IF they do, I'd respond favorably as a further gift to your friend.

You will never be sorry you took this advice.

Stacy - I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend to such a brutal disease. I hope that in time the grief will be softened a little by the memories you have of the happier times that you both shared. I'm glad you found this forum and the compassionate people who who can understand the hurt that comes with losing a loved one. It does help to share your feelings. . . and to know that others care.

Eric - Losing Tom (Charm2017) left such a void for so many of us. It's only been a little over a month and I still miss him and grieve his passing. I only knew him over the years through his wonderful style of expression, his intelligence, his compassion, and his love of family. I surprised myself at the tears I shed and how deeply I felt his passing, - that I could care so much for someone I had never met. But Tom had that effect on us. Sharing the sadness or the happy times helps all of us. I will always remember something that you said a while back which has helped me to make room in my head for some happy memories:
<<Writing does that for me, putting my thoughts down to release them out of my head.>>

I'm sorry for your loss of your friend Stacey. I had a friends, and family pass too young, although none through oral cancer. My best friend shot himself due to his cancer. it's a process, and takes any amount of time to fully grieve, from the initial shock, denial, blame, anger, and acceptance.