Hi again and thanks to all of you who've been supportive and helpful, even though was only in 'testing' stage.
After being told yesterday there were no histology results yet because of holidays, so therefore not worth going for appt today, today went pear-shaped--yes, results, come in---then radiology dept rang--could I go for CT scan as well? Finally, after 2 pints barium meal and dye injection(why does no-one TELL you about those 'bits'???) and scan, went to clinic. Got out finally at 5.50p.m, after being greeted by surgeon, oncologist and 2 cancer nurses---told cancer is 'rare'--NOT parotid but from bone and muscle in jaw area--but, to my surprise, operable---okay, so 3 weeks hospital, lose half my face, jaw-bone, facial nerves, 1 salivary gland--permanent drooping eye and mouth etc.---then radiation
Onc offered alternative of 3 rounds cisplatin plus aggressive radio, but all seemed to agree surgery was 'best' option.
Spent evening ringing/emailing friends and relatives.
Part relief at finally having 'diagnosis', more so at prospective end to pain which is driving me nuts, terror at thought of surgery and hospital for 3 weeks
Oh, and does anyone know a good brown paper-bag supplier???????? To stop old ladies and small children fainting at the sight of me afterwards????
brenda

Brenda, my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how distraught you must be at the prospect of so much change in your appearance....and your life. But your life comes first......and I can promise you that you will adjust to your "new normal." And you will find blessings along the way. Please put aside the concerns about finding enough paper bags. Be yourself.....and "yourself" is not what you look like. Don't let this take away the "self" that everyone knows and loves. At the same time, of course it is only human to worry about the changes that this radical surgery will bring. Please stay close by this wonderful group, because they know the stumbling blocks that lie in the path of each of us.....

Brenda, that is one hellish treatment plan! It will take alot of strength to get through it. Has there been any dialogue with a plastic surgeon during your doctor meetings? I sure would want some imput about reconstruction from one. We'll be pulling for you. Amy in the Ozarks

Dear Brenda

I will be praying for you. The number 1 concern should be very strong meds for your pain management now, and something to relax you. You have a lot on your plate,and you do not need to make these decisions in pain. Not in this day and age. You should have no pain!

God Bless You! Petey

Brenda......Amy's advice to include a plastic surgeon NOW in discussions makes really good sense. There would most likely be suggestions that he can make to the surgeon about how to make his work later more successful. And he might even want to be included in the original surgery for the best results.

Thanks all!
Yes, plasic surgery was definitely in the picture--the reconstruction is going to be done initially with tissue/muscle taken from my back, with an implant being considered later. The surgical nurse took a long time explaining that my initial appearance may well not be my final appearance.
And am going to G.P. tomorrow for more pain meds and possibly anti-anxiety as well--can't see me even GETTING to the hospital without them. Also, both kids live away (Sue in CA, without a 'magic card') so need to keep reasonably positive and upbeat when on the phone with them.
Am back at the hospital next week so can ask more questions then
Brenda

Bren what happened to the e-mail you promised me once you had your diagnosis?Iknow you will need an ear and mine is available

love liz

Liz---the rollercoaster has kicked in and still drawing breath! Didn't want to 'put-on' you---but will now---thanks!
Momma--thanks for message!
Bren