Hi all,
Lisa here, found this website while "working", so far it has been really interesting. My 60 year old mother when in to E.R. on Feb 12th of this year with an earache. CAT scan, biopsis, and surgery on March 20th, stage 3. Yikes. March 26, Glossectomy on left tongue and mouth. 6 weeks in ICU, 2 failed flaps, heart stopped, etc, etc. 100 days in nursing home, then insurance ran out and they sent hr to me with 3 weeks of radiation still to go....
She is now living with me and my husband and kids and I am so overwhelmed I don't think I am doing anything right for all the members in my family......basically need to vent to an understanding audience. I look forward to hearing from you all.

Welcome. You have come to the right place to find an understanding audience to vent to. Can you tell us your mothers present care needs and what problems you are having with her care. I am sure you will have many suggestions to help you cope from members of this board who have travelled the road you now find yourself on.

Her present care is medicine management, PEG feeding, swallowing intake, excercise and confidence are my main obstacles. Her PEG tube has been replaced twice since May due to infection or blockage. She has had MRSA twice. Her radiation is finished and is recovering slowly. She has good days and bad. She is supposedly cancer free, but this is a recurrence she had a partial glossectomy in 2003. Stopped smoking for 2 years then started again....
I am afraid she is becoming to dependent on sleeping pills and pain meds.(methadone 2xday, oxycodone as needed). She weighs 99lbs, 5'2. The docs have her convinced she may need them for years!!!! God I hope not.
I have to leaver her home alone all day while I work and kids in school. So afraid she is going to fall or pass out and my kids will find her. We have already had a heart attack scare and she is now starting to take blood thinners on top of everything else.
She is afraid to be alone too....

Have you had a family meeting with her sitting listening to what is said? Let her hear what the kids and your hubbys feeling about her there mean to them and how it has changed their lives. Maybe this will wake her up to what is going on, Why in the world is she smoking. I quit after 50 yrs and haven't touched one again. That sure in't helping her. Tell her to think of her family and her making them breath the smoke after she exhails it. DUMB.. I am on methadone and percs as well as others, but someone took my identity and cleaned me out, but I am living. Can't afford meds right now. I am past 70 and can enjoy life, so can she.

We have never known anyone on this site to complete Tx and continue smoking without terminal affects. At age 60, she is to young to give in to this cancer.

I went in for my first surgery 11/3/08, I laid my smoking down at the front door and never looked back.
I also was a heavy smoker for 40-45 years.

When this cancer came along, it was like God smaking me in the back of the head and saying, "are you going to listen, now?"....That was enough for me.....

I remember sitting in the chemo chair as others would roll their IV outside so they could have a smoke.

I wonder where in the hell their minds were when they did this to smoke. You can't smoke any where on the Hospital property here. Like you Flip I laid mine down after 50 yrs and haven't looked back either and that was going on 3 yrs ago.

Hang in there...you should see noticable improvement about two-three weeks after the end of radiation. Think microwave...you keep "cooking" for a little while after you're taken out! Can you attend Dr. appointments with her? You could express your concerns about pain meds, or if it looks like she will be on pain meds long term, ask for a referral to a pain management Dr. A pain management Dr. can often fine tune her meds to suit her (and you) better. Make sure your kids have a plan in place if they come home and find Grandma in trouble. Having a plan will give them more confidence and you a little piece of mind. You can always come here for support...it is a wonderful place.
Diane

Lisalsbell
Do you think you mother is depressed. Getting anxiety and/or depression medication may help.
Everyone has given you good advice, I wish I could be of more help.
Good Luck.
Sandyst

I am sorry everyone...my mom quit smoking the night before her surgery, March 26, 2009. Has not wanted one since. (I meant she started again after her first cancer occurrence in 2003.) She is definatley in a good place as far as smoking is concerned. Actually scared of second-hand smoke which cracks me up because we were around it growing up!!!!
It is the post cancer stuff that I am struggling with. I appreciate all of your thoughts and look forward to more.
Lis

Hi Lis...my experience is that it took about a timeframe equal to the total rad/chemo treatment time before the effects of the treatments my Dad went through started to improve significantly. His treatments started beginning of April and went through almost end of May. By mid-July, started seeing some improvements, and by beginning of September, he was feeling well enough to get out and drive on short day-trips on his own.

So once that "low" following treatments was reached (about 4 weeks), he improved significantly week to week.

Alot of his improvement came with removal of the feed tube, as he felt more confident about being able to move around much more and that seemed to accelerate his improvement.

From a caregiver perspective, hope this helps a little.

Chuck

:)Thanks for your input. I am afraid my mom will be on the feeding tube for the rest of her life. It is okay as long as she "feeds" while asleep. We are dealing with nausea and tremors I think related to the new blood thinners they have prescribed for her heart. I have gotten her off of the methadone entirely in the last week, we are relying on oxycodone for pain. My goal is to get her back home to her place, where she lived alone prior to this latest bought with the big C.
Her doc. is helping to get us a case manager to help with a life alert system and more home heath care.
She is having a bad week energy wise. Hopefully next week will be better.

.hi lisaibell

why do you think your mum will be on tube feeds for the rest of her life?a lot of people have the tube for many many months but eventually get it taken out.
love liz