My Mom goes in for a biopsy on the 21st. No definitive diagnosis yet, but it doesn't look good. Her dentist told her to have her mouth checked 6 months ago and she kept putting it off. Now she has several suspicious areas on her tongue, cheek, and possibly lips and throat. She is in Massachusetts, I'm in Florida. I'm going to be with her for the two weeks before her surgery. She's 69 and otherwise healthy. I'm terrified -- not just at the possibility of losing her but for the emotional turmoil she has to face. I want to support her but I don't want to upset her. She doesn't have much info. on the subject yet, and I don't want to share what I've read so far on this and other sites without a final diagnosis. Maybe she's stronger than me.
I'm sorry for rambling--I'm not dealing very well right now. Joe

Joe,
You are correct to not share what you have read yet with your mother. A recurring theme with potential diagnosis and biopsies on this site and in all cancer forums is "Until the doctors tell you it's cancer it's not".
You are human and we all even myself act human. We get scared and feard the unknown and expect the worst. ( Read my post in the General Board entitled "Friday Sucked...").
I'm not trying to passify or belittle your concern. I'm just trying to help guide you through the process a little bit.
For you: Be positive, support your mother, tell her you love her and are there for her. Laugh with your mother. It'll make both of you feel better and it does re-energize you.
In my opinion what you describe could be a multitude of afflictions and most of these are not life threatening. Without pictures, blood work and x-rays I obviously cannot begin to steer you toward an accurate diagnosis.
I can however, answer most of your questions before and after diagnosis as they are related to the mouth. I can be a shoulder for you to lean on and if you desire, give advice to about the issues revolving around any condition and treatment of the condition when the mouth is involved.
E-mail me anytime.
My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your mother.

Stay strong for your mother.

"..when you look in a horse barn look for horses... not zebras. If and when you see a zebra deal with it at that time." Annals of Medical Pathology.

Cheers,

Mike

Joe:
I just joined this site a few weeks ago and this is a great place to start. I just had my biopsy less than 2 weeks ago so I am still figuring out what I am doing. But without these great people here, I would be a basket case. I am sure there are people that can provide more help than I can. I offer my prayers and one piece of advice - just take it one day at a time and as you learn more look here for help. Keep positive thoughts.

Bill in NC

Hey Joe,
Being where you are a few months back and still going through so much, I can tell you to sit back and take a deep breath. I am the primary caregiver to my mom. First, wait for biopsy results. If it is cancer, hold on for the ride. We've encountered a lot of changes along the way, for example, thought she was going to have surgery, then found out she couldn't. You've got to take it step by step, day by day. You'll burn yourself out before you even get a diagnosis. The people on this forum have been wonderful, and so very intelligent and resourceful. Wouldn't have made it this far without going insane without their love and guidance.
The greatest thing I do for my mom I think is just love her, be patient, try to listen, and hug her often. I think hugging and holding her helps build her up more than any words.
Prayers and Peace to you both,
Donna

Oh Donna, you are SO doing the right thing!
My daughter is a million miles away, my son only 2 hours--my daughter sends regular cyber-hugs and love and I would love to feel my son was 'there' for me.
(I do get a 'duty' call once a week as he commutes home from work!)

Joe, take all the above advice, but I can honestly say that knowing you have a loving son and/or daughter there for you to laugh, cry, love with you is the most precious thing ever for a mom whi is 'going through it' for whatever reason.
Your mom will appreciate you more than you'll ever know,

Brenda

Thanks Brenda!
Some days, like today are so hard. She is scared to death of the brachtherapy surgery which I haven't updated about yet--postponed to 9/17 due to her neck skin being so fragile due to erbitux and radiation.
I am heading out to get the movie, "Georgia Rules"...seems like it might be about my mom, me and Jackie. of course I know nothing about it other than the trailers they show.
I hear more tears....it's gonna be one of those kinds of days.
Love to all-
Donna

Hi Joe,
Just wondering how it's going? how is your mom?

Joe,
Hi. Your mom is going to appreciate everything that you do for her more than you will ever know. My mom is not speaking right now since she has a trache, but just to see her mouth the words "thank you" or "i love you" means so much to me.

These boards are the best support and most informative places you will find anywhere. I have found them to be a great help in my mom's treatments, by telling her some little bits from the boards (such as when someone is doing really well, or other good news) and, of course, I keep the bad stuff to myself. It is a good encouragement tool. I also use it to benchmark her progress compared to others at the same point in their treatments. Unfortunately it seems that she is a bit behind.

Also, this is a great place to go if you have a question or to do research. I cannot tell you all of the valuable information, tricks, etc. that I have learned here - to the point where I feel like I have the knowledge to ask the doctors for what we want, and they are things I would have never known to ask for if it was not for these boards.

If it is cancer (and remember, it is still an "IF") keep your head up. So many people here will tell you that being the caregiver is a difficult job, and it really is, but I could not imagine it any other way. Take care!

Amy