Hello, My name is Mary. I'm from Ireland but live in New York. My 86 year old mother who lives in County Cork was just diagnosed this week with cancer on the front area of tongue and lymph nodes in neck. The surgeon said radiotherapy is not an option, her only option is surgery. He thinks she is a strong enough candidate to pull through (he said there's a 50/60% chance of removing all the cancer) which I find odd seeing as my mother has been quite ill over the last two years with a severe case of shingles on her face/head. The post herpetic neuralgia pain is still there and she has lost so much weight, is very weak and spends most of her time in bed. I've been reading about the recovery from such and that in itself seems monstrously painful. Love any advice. She will be getting the surgery in the South Infirmary in Cork with a doctor who was trained at Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC.
Thank you very much. p.s. I'm heading to Ireland this week and wi-fi is hard to find in her part of the country.

Welcome to OCF, Mary! Im glad you have found our group to help you with info and support. Unfortunately, I am completely ignorant about how healthcare works in other countries so I dont know what options are available to her there.

Here in the US, its always best to get a second opinion. In NY there are some top notch surgeons who are very skilled in the type of surgery your mother needs. Im not one who looks at numbers as Ive beat the odds with my survival. At a comprehensive cancer center(CCC) a team based approach will be used so all the specialists are together on the same page. This is especially important when talking with surgeons who will always say surgery is the best and then you see a radiation oncologist who says rads is the way to go. This can get quite confusing to patients.

Being in pain is not one bit helpful to your mother. Its adding unneeded stress to an already stressful situation. Im sure your mother is growing weaker by spending so much time in bed. One of the first things that should be done is to get her pain managed and under control. Sounds to me like right now its debilitating which must be a horrible way to live. Mouth pain can be quite unbearable, Ive had it myself and can honestly say its ome of the worst pain Ive ever experienced.

When in pain, your mother is probably not attending to her nutritional intake. This is another thing which is making her feel terrible and needs immediate attention. Her intake must change as soon as possible or her recovery will be severely impacted and drawn out. She is probably malnourished and dehydrated as well. Here in the US there are over the counter nutritional supplemental drinks like ensure or boost. Every day your mom should push herself to take in at least 2500 calories and 48-64 oz of water. If she cant swallow safely without aspirating then she should be given a feeding tube either a nasal tube (for a more temporary option) or a PEG tube. A small pump (called a kangaroo joey pump) can be used to run the formula into her system while she sleeps. There are countless prescription formulas to get while using a feeding pump. Just make sure her head is propped up with several pillows during feeding. The head of her bed could be put on a couple bricks to help with elevating the head more.

Please keep posting and asking questions. By reading posts and the main OCF pages you will be a strong advocate for your mother.

Wishing you and your mother all the very best with everything.