Posted By: LeighTX Please help me stop crying - 05-29-2012 11:05 PM
Hi I'm Leigh, 42 female. I'm pleased to have found this site. I've spent the last 6 days crying, not eating, most worried & scared I've ever felt. I went to my GP last Weds because of a "sore" throat and ear on one side along w/ a slightly enlarged painless node. Throat & ear are not painful really but a nagging ache when I swallow saliva. Doesn't hurt swallowing food or drinks. I almost can't tell if it's my ear or throat or both....My tongue on the side in the back feels dry in one spot at night right where I feel the nagging little ache. It's very localized to me. Not like a normal sore throat more like a sore spot. I thought she'd say I had an infection but she found nothing. She looked very scared and kept asking if I ever smoked, drank heavily or been exposed to radiation. no, no and no. (I did have half my thyroid removed in 2008 on that side-thought nodules were cancerous but they were not). She gave me the name of an ENT and said she'd send my records straight over. My appt with the ENT is tomorrow. She (my internist) literally scared me half to death. I've cried every day ever sense. The last week has been like a nightmare for me. I want to go to sleep and just sleep until this is over (however, I dream and think about this even in my sleep). Every search I've made points to the C word. I'm crying as I type. Please talk me down. What should I expect tomorrow? How bad is the scope I expect? What do I ask? I've made the horrible mistake of searching the net with the symptoms and it's all bad. I'm so afraid. Please calm me down. I have no one to talk to. My husband has told me it'll be fine but he doesn't really grasp the fear that has taken me over.
Posted By: zengalib Re: Please help me stop crying - 05-29-2012 11:34 PM
Leigh,
As others on this site will tell you, it's not cancer until the biopsy says that it is cancer. If it is, we will go from there. This is a wonderful place to come when you need support, and we will be with you every step of the way. I am glad that you are seeing an ENT. I'm not certain what, exactly, will be done tomorrow, but you will get through it. Are you having a biopsy? If so, that is pretty simple. Just try to relax (I know-easier said than done) and hope for the best. Good luck tomorrow, and keep us posted.
Posted By: Deejer47 Re: Please help me stop crying - 05-30-2012 12:07 AM
Hi Leigh, I agree with Z about the biopsy. I will say that the waiting is not over. It's usually couple days til tou learn biopsy results and the waiting is seriously stressful. Then, if (and that's a big IF) the biopsy says it's cancer, then the waiting has really just begun. Sorry, not trying to discourage you (many of us have been through this and as you can see by posts on this forum, come out of it with some lingering problems but still here) but waiting for decisions to be made on course of tx etc. can be maddening. Good luck and stay strong, crying is not a sign of weakness.
Posted By: bbagby Re: Please help me stop crying - 05-30-2012 12:16 AM
Worry can take the starch out of you if you let it. The best I can offer is to "take charge." Just say to yourself that you are in charge of each day and take what comes with an attitude that you will "take charge" of whatever decisions have to be made. Feeling like you're in control helps but I do understand your concerns. A good ENT will have a pretty good idea what he's looking at even before the biopsy so be prepared to listen. You came to this site because of your research. Please post your results and the good people here will give you a lot of help and support - if necessary. Hang in there.
Posted By: ChristineB Re: Please help me stop crying - 05-30-2012 12:40 AM
Welcome to OCF! I am so glad you have found this site. There are way too many places with incorrect medical info. Of course you are afraid, every single one of us was where you are and felt that fear at least once. Its the fear of the unknown. Do yourself a huge favor and take a deep breath and calm down! Being upset will NOT help you feel better at all, it will only make you feel worse. Try to stay off those other sites too, this is the very best place to go to for correct medical info. We many not be medical professionals but living thru a cancer battle has taught us things that arent in the medical textbooks.

The best way to keep yourself from worrying about the "what if's" is to keep yourself very busy. Do something that keeps your mind involved and things you need to concentrate on. Read a good book, every time you start to worry, pick it up and read. While having cancer isnt a walk in the park, it isnt the end of the world either. Hang in there and when you know what you are dealing with then get your priorities straight, make a plan and take care of it. Getting scoped is no big deal and either is having a biopsy, at least to me its just part of making sure everything is ok. Think of those things as tools that are necessary to figure out whats going on.

Good luck with your appointment!
Posted By: Cheryld Re: Please help me stop crying - 05-30-2012 01:29 AM
Hello everyone's advice to you has been spot on. Realistically speaking it is or it isn't cancer. Worrying will not change the Truth. Either way you should know soon. Until then don't let it steal any time from you. Hopefully it's not but if it is we're here to help and listen smile we've all been in your position so we do get it. Do get a biopsy to ease your mind, don't freak while waiting. It is a dx that can be life changing admittedly, but with a good treatment at a ccc it could very well end up being just a blip on the radar. Hugs... Please let us know what the dr. Says..
Posted By: davidcpa Re: Please help me stop crying - 05-30-2012 01:17 PM
Leigh,

From your description, IMO the ENT will probably stick a needle into the swollen node and withdraw some fluid (call a Fine Needle Aspriation (FNA)) and send it off to be closely examined at the cellular level to determine if any of the cells are canerous.

If the ENT does do a FNA the results can take at least a week to come back.

Easy to say but impossible to do but try not to worry.
Posted By: LeighTX Re: Please help me stop crying - 05-30-2012 04:51 PM
Hi, I just got back from my ENT appt. He scoped me and stuck his fingers down my throat (apparently my gag reflex isn't bad). He felt my neck and looked with a light. He said he absolutely saw nothing. I told him whatever he sees he can snip it today. I don't need pain numbing or anything. I'm just so ready to get this figured out. He insisted there was nothing there at all. He said there's nothing to biopsy. I am being scheduled for a CAT scan. He threw out Eagle's syndrome based on the description I gave him. He said the node didn't look enlarged to him but moved to the side a bit. My heartbeat is very prominent in that node. He said he feels like something is pushing it and my carotid artery to the side. He said he should be able to feel a mass (I'm very thin with a bony neck) He tried to calm me and said a cat scan will clearly show Eagle's if that's what it is. The bone pressing on the nerve will be enlarged. If there's a mass, it will show that too. If it doesn't, we'll go to the next step/test. He said we'll press on until we find out what's going on. I'm a little calmer but only by a fraction until I get past the rest of these tests. I have to prep for the scan for 48 hrs prior (contrast allergy) so hopefully the scan will get done next week. He promised he'd get it set up quick because my anxiety is unhealthy. Anyway, waiting is the hardest part. Everyone in this forum is so brave. I hope I can be too.

Thank you all so much for responding. This is the only place I can vent about this. It does help. I'll keep you updated.
Posted By: ChristineB Re: Please help me stop crying - 05-30-2012 07:28 PM
It sounds like your exam was very thorough. Your doc sounds like he is on the ball and will continue to try to find out whats going on with you. Do yourself a big favor and keep busy until you get the test results. Staying busy will help pass the time and distract you so you dont worry so much.

Best wishes!!!
Posted By: Cheryld Re: Please help me stop crying - 05-30-2012 07:35 PM
That's great... hopefully your anxiety has gone down a bit!... try not to worry - if he isn't you shouldn't be -- hopefully it's nothing or something minor and he'll get to the bottom of it... Just remember to push if you have to.
Posted By: zengalib Re: Please help me stop crying - 05-30-2012 09:05 PM
Sounds as if you are in good hands, Leigh. Hopefully it will continue to be good news that you hear. Good luck and try to keep busy!
Posted By: davidcpa Re: Please help me stop crying - 05-31-2012 12:35 PM
Keep us posted.
Posted By: David2 Re: Please help me stop crying - 06-02-2012 01:33 AM
That all sounds like positive news. We're all pulling for you. Like many here I know all about the anxiety level when cancer is even suspected. Hang in there!
Posted By: KP5 Re: Please help me stop crying - 06-06-2012 09:16 PM
Just getting back in touch with life. Where are you with this Leigh? Please keep in touch with us.
Kathy
Posted By: itsoktoday Re: Please help me stop crying - 06-06-2012 09:46 PM
Leigh, definitely keep in touch. This forum has given me so much hope. Keep busy and take a friend or significant other to your next appointment for the results. It helps just in case you missed something the other might have caught.
Robin
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