Hi, I was just reading the posts below on sex drive. Hubby is about to go in for radiation in a couple of weeks time.
Does the sex drive diminish with just radiation, or is it mainly with chemo. Gawd...another side affect we didn't ever think about!!
Thanks guys

Yes, yes and all of the above. It will eventually return to normal. They don't recommend sex during chemo anyway, at least without a condom.

I hope my husband doesn't kill me for responding, but I'll just take my chances....being intimate is very important to us. But when he was undergoing radiation, the further treatment progressed, the "intimacy part" diminished. I totally understood though because I know when I don't feel good, that's the last thing I'm thinking about. HOWEVER, I am very happy to say that things are back to normal and even better than before! Good luck and have faith.

Shelley

Gary,

I have to ask about the condom thing. Right after the first chemo treatment (being the cautious geniuses we are) we made love first and then thought to ask the doctor if it was ok.

It was the last time because since then no one in this house has felt even remotely like engaging but,,,

We did ask the oncologist and his answer was basically if we were comfortable there was no medical reason why not. My first concern obviously being fluid transfer. But he said it was fine.

Do you think we got bad advice? Or have I been chemo'd??

Cindy

several answers here,

I had radiation only and did not experience a diminished sex drive.

In searching the web I found only that exposing the unborn to chemo drugs could be a serious problem so a condom is appropriate if you (or your partner) could become or are pregnant. Your immune system is weak so it will likely be easier to contract STD's or other infections (urinary etc.)

If you aren't pregnant, can't get pregnant, are in a monagmous healthy relationship, you should be fine without condoms. (Please verify this with your primary doctor or oncologist.)

Of course if ductape or popsicle sticks are involved I suggest Goodyear 4 ply, steel belted radial models available at most tire stores.

OK I really have to wrap my head around that one for a while Mark....

hmmmm.....
steel
belted
radial
hmmmm.....

Cindy

(to be continued)

My oncologist knows that we can't have children so I don't think that birth defects is the reason. He stated that it was the toxicity. I can tell you that I smelled like a chemical waste dump for quite a while because of the chemo -it was truly awful. Honestly I was more concerned about surviving the damned disease (or should I say the treatment for it). I lost over 60 lbs and was sick to my stomach, a lot, for quite a while, along with constant bouts with thrush and constipation, none of which were very sexy issues. Thank GOD all of that is over with.

You know it is funny because sex was one of the things that my husband worried over the most before starting txs. It was a question that he wanted me to ask almost every survivor we met. Of course he wasn't going to ask.... but he wanted me to. I never did because it was really the furthest thing from my mind.

Now it doesn't really seem to matter any more. We will either be able to or not and neither of us really gives it any thought. What we do hold onto and what is important are the hugs, the hand holding, the kisses on the forehead, etc.

There are lots of other ways to show I love you when that one is not available.

Gosh I hope I am not toxic. My kids already think I am everytime I lose it. :-)

Oh and I am way beyond the child thing.... I gave up my parts last year. So that is not an issue... unless I am so toxic that I have to spit fire on them to get them to behave. (that would be a very useful talent these days....hmmmm)


Cindy

thanks all, I guess we'll just have to wait and see then, eh? As you said Nettieq, there's plenty of other ways to show affection, lots of hugs and cuddles!

All I know is that during radiation I didn't want anyone touching me or hanging on me! What hugs I had in me I gave to my younger girl's. My husband and I have a very solid, loving relationship but it was stone cold for those few months. He slept on the couch and my girl's slept with me, made them feel safer. Our realtionship is back to normal, if not better and more intense then before the big C.
So here is one patient that didn't give one ounce of thought nor worry to the sex life during treatment!

Hi Minniea,
I'm glad for you and your family that everything is back to normal. I hope now one misunderstood why I was asking. It sounded like I was being selfish, but I really didn't mean it to sound like that. I guess being new to all this, it just astounds us the amount of "side-effect" I guess you could call it, that we come across. For instance, call me naive, but we didn't even realise there would be weight loss....or no saliva...
I read in one of the other posts and it certainly makes complete and utter sense..."expect the worst and hope for the best". Well I can tell you all, thanks to this wonderful website, after reading a large portion of this forum, we certainly are prepared for lots of hurdles and challenges.
I wish you all the very best of luck and good health.

The side effects for some of us can be daunting. I was pretty much disabled for 18 months. After all of the physical things simmered down, then the mental and emotional issues had to be resolved. I had a hard time concentrating and putting whole sentences together for a while. I had difficulty speaking for a few months. Then I had to rebuild my body from the severe muscle atrophy and weight loss. It took almost 2 years to get back on our feet financially. If they were to give us a whole body dose of the amount radiation we typically receive, we would be dead in a few days.

I feel really good now, with normal energy levels but it took 2 years. Like Minnie, sex is a want, not a need - breathing, eating, hydration and survival are needs. I think that the brain goes into a survival mode and automatically shuts down non-vital functions. It will go back to normal once the crisis is over.

Hi Susie,
You didn't sound selfish, you were just asking a question. I hope our answers show you that your feelings are right on track.
It's an odd position to be in when we are trying to figure out what is normal in the after cancer life.......is anything normal?

Gary,

I think that Harry is following in your footsteps and I am glad you are here for inspiration.

Cindy

I agree with Gary, Our bodies go into a survival mode. Sex is not a big part of that for the first two years. (I Hope) I am coming up on two years (July 14/03) and sex is still on the back burner. Just laying together watching a movie can be just as meaningful if not more. Lots of hugs and saying "I love You" is a powerful bonding phrase.

Best Wishes, Danny Boy