After-Treatment Anxiety - 04-07-2005 10:36 AM
Hi all! My name Tim and in December of 04 (December 7th . . .another reason the day is infamous) I got my first indication that I had cancer from my GP during a physical. After 2 biopsies and 2 ENTs it was finally diagnosed as right tonsil, T2N1M0 (I guess that's Stage 3). Other than a fairly significant biopsy, no surgery was initially planned. Straight to IMRT (40 treatments) and chemo (carbo every week, 2 AUC).
My treatments were pretty uneventful and I seemed to regularly puzzle my med. team with how minor the side effects were. Eventually lost some hair, taste, dry mouth (for which I took and am taking Salagen 5mg.). By week 4 none of the drs. could see or feel any cancerous tissue. On my last radiation day, I met with my rad. onc. and he said that a better ending could not have been written. I met yesterday with my med. onc. who told me that I was doing MUCH better than most people at this point (same doctor who noted in a very puzzled tone in week 7 that my throat "[didn't] even look angry!"). The side effects are even going away within 3 weeks after treatment (dry mouth is going, hair is coming back, taste is returning, fatigue going away, I sleep again, etc).
Nonetheless, I seem to continue to have these pervasive feelings of helplessness and this will recur . . . It was easy to cope while in treatment . . .after all, 5 days a week I was actively DOING something about it, and now it is this passive wait and see.
So I guess my question is whether these observations mean anything. I can't help but think that if my normal cells were so resiliant and are growing back so healthy and strong then the cancer cells may also be similarly strong . . . The drs. say this isn't the case and they are top in the field at one of the world's "great" cancer centers . . .
I don't know. I know there are no simple answers. Maybe I just need to say this stuff to people with a common experience.
Thanks for listening.
My treatments were pretty uneventful and I seemed to regularly puzzle my med. team with how minor the side effects were. Eventually lost some hair, taste, dry mouth (for which I took and am taking Salagen 5mg.). By week 4 none of the drs. could see or feel any cancerous tissue. On my last radiation day, I met with my rad. onc. and he said that a better ending could not have been written. I met yesterday with my med. onc. who told me that I was doing MUCH better than most people at this point (same doctor who noted in a very puzzled tone in week 7 that my throat "[didn't] even look angry!"). The side effects are even going away within 3 weeks after treatment (dry mouth is going, hair is coming back, taste is returning, fatigue going away, I sleep again, etc).
Nonetheless, I seem to continue to have these pervasive feelings of helplessness and this will recur . . . It was easy to cope while in treatment . . .after all, 5 days a week I was actively DOING something about it, and now it is this passive wait and see.
So I guess my question is whether these observations mean anything. I can't help but think that if my normal cells were so resiliant and are growing back so healthy and strong then the cancer cells may also be similarly strong . . . The drs. say this isn't the case and they are top in the field at one of the world's "great" cancer centers . . .
I don't know. I know there are no simple answers. Maybe I just need to say this stuff to people with a common experience.
Thanks for listening.