Well, Guys, since I whined a lot about getting this section up, I guess I`d better check in !!! I`m back to my music therapy, driving the cats crazy.........also, since losing the Packer, I found that getting all the old pictures out and putting them on the wall, has been a life saver, after the past five years and all the disfigurement, I had truly forgotten what he looked like....I seldom saw the disfigurement, just felt blessed to have alive..........also, in the past few days, I have developed some of his mannerisms that always annoyed me, and no, I`m not high on pot, just happy to be alive to keep his memory alive.........the anorexia is in full swing, still 86 lbs and holding..........planning on a new tattoo of the the angel pinned on Mellow the teddy, any of you guys with tattoos, understand my need to undergo that pain, also thinking of one across the back of my neck, I hear that really hurts........bring it on, after what Frank endured, what`s the pain of a tattoo ? Anyway, that`s my current therapy, loud rock and new tattoos..................Dee

Instead of tattoos why not donate the money you would've spent on them to the OCF. Someday you might regret the tattoos, but probably won't regret the money going to a very good cause that has helped so many people. The loud rock sounds like a good idea though. Hopefully your good memories of Packer and your time together will eventually become more vivid than the memories of pain and suffering he and you endured during his long, horrible illness.

Hi, Glad to see you are up and about.Hope you are taking care of yourself and sounds like you need to gain a little weight.Do what ever makes you happy! My husband says he never notices my chin is now different than before. Aw, Love is blind. Good Luck to you Dee.

No, won`t regret the tattoos and they`re free, tattoo artist in family.........as far as donating money to the fund, I lost all my income when Frank died, I made the personal decision years ago to use my nursing skills at home, with trust that when the day came the universe and Frank would watch over me. Is he here with me ? Well, let me tell you, my computer background up until this morning was Billy Bob Thornton, imagine my surprise when Frank appeared as my background ! Frank and I always trusted and believed in the magic of the universe, and I know if anyone had the power to put themself on my computer, it`s Frank. When I pulled myself of the tailspin to Hell, I realized, he hadn`t really left me at all, just the tired worn out body, and I realized that death didn`t break our bond, I think it made it even stronger, and gave me the courage and strength to go on, knowing he`s still with me..............Dee

Hi Dee
Welcome back to the real Dee... We have missed you kid.. Great to have you here with us
Love and Hugs
Helen

You bet he's with you Dee! I will always believe that the freak storm we had the day I was leaving my Mom's hometown, after storing all of her things following the funeral, was of her making. I should have been on the road hours earlier, but while passing the gravesite on my way out of town, I turned around for one more moment alone with her. When I pulled up, the most vibrant, beautiful, totally full rainbow, was arched over her grave. It was the most complete, perfect one I had ever seen. I know it was Mom's way of saying that she made it home safely.
Love you BA,
Baby

So comforting, Mandi, I`ve been dreaming about rainbows, isn`t life magic if we take the time to notice. The days my neighbor was buried, who I cared for, her daughter and I sat on my front porch and watched the most beautiful sunset, and we cried, and we knew it was from Carrie. I don`t even need to ask Frank for signs, sometimes I think he just takes over my body......but, every night I do ask him to let me dream of him.......so many good memories are coming back....my daughter, who lived with us in Pa....and spent time in Maine with us, were chatting the other night and more memories came back. I`d like to see her get on the Board, because she knew him so well, in time she will, but she`s one of those people who deals with things by not dealing with them......she lived through all this with me, she was the only one I shared my fears with, I could say to her I`m really scared but she and my son Nick never let me down.......Nick would tell me how strong I was and how proud he was of me. I think I`m digressing now, nothing new for me.........but my kids and I have been into the remember when stuff.............the good memories, long forgotten.........I learned over the past 5 years to live in the here and now........yesterday is gone, tomorrow is yet to come, the present is now, enjoy it, it`s a present...........Hugs to My baby BA...........Dee

I have been reading these posts for a year now, and tonight I have figured out how to respond... talk about a slow learner, or is this a new process?
Dee, I am happy to see you back.

Dee ..you are an inspiration and a joy to all of us.. We feel your pain and your courage.
Keep on keeping on .. and may your God go with you.
Marica

Hi Dee:

Dave and I are thinking of you and missing Frank.

Be Well,

Kim

Dear Dee,

You have to be the strongest woman I've ever had the honor of knowing. I know things are rough....and I wish there was something I could do to lighten the load. But....you have him. You HAVE him. In your soul. Be quiet, and I know you can hear him tell you the same.

Loves B,
BB

Yeh, right Baby B..........I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!!!!! I know Frank is still with me, at times I think he`s running the show.....things happen that just smack me in the head.....case in point, my kids found me a house in Ala.......something told me this was the house.......pond and skylights in master bedroom.......2 wks go by and it suddenly hits me that a pond and skylights were 2 things I wanted here in Maine, but then Frank got sick and it never happened, so he found me one. Right after Frank died, talked to my shrink, who said you know Frank is still with you............When I saw him last week,I asked him what he meant by that........I wanted to know if my grief was tricking me into thinking he was with me. I wanted to know if he was saying he`s in your heart yada, yada, yada. Ofcourse, he could`nt say I think he is with you, but he said lots of things happen that we can`t explain, but we just say Thank You................Dee....aka.........BA