It is with a very heavy heart that I bring this sad news to my fellow OCF members. One of our long time active members passed away suddenly on Monday. This man was admired for his integrity and was well respected in everything he took part in. He didnt do anything half way. Over the years, he spent countless hours volunteering and helping others here on the forum. He assisted me with projects and was always willing to lend a hand to help spread oral cancer awareness.

Words seem inadequate to express the sorrow felt by the loss of Tom Baker, known to most forum members as Charm2017. I am certain Charm will remain in our hearts forever, never to be forgotten just like his posts will live on.

While no death is easy, this one especially broke my heart as Charm is a dear friend of mine. I had the pleasure of meeting Tom at the first San Antonio OCF walk. After the walk Tom and his lovely wife Bev showed me the Alamo and the riverwalk. We had a wonderful dinner along the river talking and laughing for hours. Last September we all got together again at the NJ OCF walk. I will always cherish these wonderful memories of a great man.

The world will not be the same without Tom Baker. Our dear friend is no longer in any discomfort or pain now, rest in peace Charm.

The obituary will be in the Washington Post either Friday or Saturday. Charm has already been cremated. A funeral mass will be on Monday, May 6 at 10:00 a.m. at St. Agnes Church, 1914 North Randolph Street, Arlington, VA.

The family wishes asked for donations to the Tom Baker Memorial Fund in lieu of flowers. The memorial page is in the process of being made and will be available very soon.

I am shocked and so saddened by this news. What a wonderful man Charm was! I always looked forward to his posts and many times communicated with him by PM. He told it like it was. I loved that about him. He never sugar-coated anything. He inspired me to think about things differently. God, I will miss him so much. My heart breaks for Bev and his son. And for you, too, Christine, as I know you had a special relationship with Charm and Bev. Thank you for sharing this with us. I am stunned.

I'm very saddened by this loss. During my short membership, Charm and I had a few debates, I guess the way he and I are, but we always assumed our support for one another, and never held grudges. I was always worried about Charm, especially during his hospitalizations, and when not hearing from him, and looked forward to his return with his posts, debates, and on point research. I only hope to emulate him in life, but there is only one Charm! Rest in peace, my friend.

What sad and tragic news. When we lose a member of this family I think it takes a piece of our hearts along with them. Yes, Charm was certainly a unique and very special person indeed. He had a way to make everyone's life just a bit brighter no matter what he was facing personally. We are all enriched from having crossed paths with this wonderful man. May you rest in peace Tom.

I am saddened beyond belief. Thank you Christine, for letting us know. Please give our love to Bev.
Kathy and Kevin

I will miss his fighting spirit. He was an inspiration to so many as he battled the third time. My prayers are with his family.

Oh, no. I am so sorry to hear this. I always enjoyed his incisive posts (and always got a laugh out of his frequent edits to "tone it down" -- indicative of his great passion to help others afflicted with OC). I can only imagine what it must have been like to go up against him in court or across a conference table! My condolences to his family.

Back in June 2010, Charm posted on these pages an essay that he had submitted to the Washington Post's Health section -- and that the paper had published -- about his "new normal" when it came to his enjoyment of food despite having a PEG. He noted in his comments that "I'd give the direct link but that would reveal my 'secret identity'" -- since apart from a very few initial posts, where he signed off as Tom, he was known to us only by his OCF name. In his honor, I'm posting that direct link to his Post essay here.

Christine, I forgot to thank you for the news and to tell you I am so sorry for your pain.

Ed

I am beyond sad at Tom's passing. I will need some time to process this. He was a friend and many times, a saviour for my soul. Words cannot express how much I will miss him.

Donna

Terrible news! I always believed that he will be able to come out of last recurrence.

May his soul rest in peace. We all will miss his guidance and support.

I too am saddened beyond belief. What an inspirational man Charm was. He was definitely a role model for me.
I always looked forward to his posts and the very " black and whiteness " of them.
Tom, you will be greatly missed. At peace.
Bev, what a wonderful Wife, Partner,Soulmate, Caregiver, Supporter you have been to Tom. I wish you strength for the coming days, weeks, months to come.
Tammy and Kris.

I, along with many others I'm sure, kind of felt he was invincible...I am so sorry to hear of this news.

Oh no . . Oh no. . . ! I'm so sorry to hear this sad news! I had so hoped and prayed that Tom - our much loved "Charm2017" could be with us much longer to continue to share his uniqueness with us. I always looked forward to his posts, and the inimitable way he had of expressing himself. I loved his directness, his humor and the love for his family that came through loud and clear. I so wanted to meet him and Bev some day. The tears flow now, and my heart breaks for all of us and especially for Bev and all of Tom's family. Thank you, Christine for letting us know about our dear, dear Charm. He will be with us always in our hearts.

I'm so sorry to hear this. Sad for his family and for us all.

What a shock. I am so sorry to hear this. I really thought he would be indestructable. Charm has been so much part of this forum with his wonderful posts. He will be much missed by all of us but I feel especially for Bev and everyone close to him.

What a waste!

I am so sad to read this. I always admired Charm so much, for the support he showed Steve and I, his fighting spirit and most of all the love he held for his wife. Earth is a much sadder place without him here but heaven is so much better with him. Love to you Charm and to your family xo

In the short six months that I have been a member of this forum, Charm was the beacon for me. I looked forward to his every post, sometimes for the knowledge, sometimes for the humour and always for his unique outlook. He embodied the fighting spirit that we all so badly need in this battle. I am heartbroken.

My condolences to his family and to Christine for her loss of a dear friend.

I am saddened beyond belief. Charm never suffered fools gladly, and always knew how to put things in perspective. RIP "OldFrack". You have made an impact on so many lives.

I am so sad to read this! Having lost Ken suddenly as well it is so hard to comprehend how they can fight so hard and still leave so suddenly. My thoughts and prayers to Bev and the rest if his family and to everyone here who got to know Charm - it is a sad day for all if us.

I'm so deeply saddened by this news. Thank you Christine for sharing this on FB, I often don't get on here anymore. Charm was just that....a charming individual. I enjoyed getting to know him and Bev in San Antonio, he truly was a great guy with so much heart and knowledge. He will be missed.

WOW - so terribly sad. It's so sad and difficult when we loose one of our beloved members here. Tom (like you Christine) dedicated so much of himself to all of us here that a HUGE void will definitely be left behind.

Christine I'm so sorry for the loss of such a special person in your life. My heart goes out to Bev and Tom's entire family.

Heaven is definitely a brighter place with Tom's presence.

Rest in peace Charm. A giant among men.xxx

Christine: Now I know what your Facebook message was, and I am so terribly, terribly sad about Charm. I know you are destroyed by the news, but thank you for telling us. Charm was the NO. 1 FIGHTER in our group, and everyone will miss his wise advise and posts. May he rest in peace now and forever.

julieann

So terribly sad to hear this news. My heart goes out to all who knew and loved him.

Charm, of all the online friends I have you touched me the most with your heartfelt passion for living the right way, speaking the truth, forget the sugar toppings. I will truly miss you my friend; I was just so worried recently as your posted dwindled, knowing they reflected your true health condition.

Gdd Bless by dear friend,
don

I am so shocked and grief-stricken to hear this news. Christine, I express my condolences to you because you, especially, knew him well. I also express my condolences to his beloved, Bev.

Charm and I were diagnosed with recurrences about the same time last summer. He told me that he was very competitive and wasn't going to take this lightly. We had an agreement to cross the finish line together, holding hands. He held me up when I needed it, going through rads and chemo for the first time. Afterall, he was an unfortunate expert.

In our later interactions, we would do more PMing to check up on each other as neither of us felt much like posting. I knew he was not doing well from what he told me, but I had no idea how badly he was doing. I think he spared me his problems so as not to scare me.

Well, Charm, dear buddy...I read this news and let out a huge gasp, so much so that my 4-year-old daughter came running over to see what was the matter. We were not ready to lose you, especially without saying "goodbye", but as always, you did things on your own terms. That was one of your most admirable qualities, among many.

I know you will be watching down on us, dear friend. You will always be remembered, never forgotten.

I love you, you stubborn "old Frack". May you be at peace now, with only joy and no sorrow. I'm so glad we met.

Love,
Kerri

What a beautiful message, Kerri. Charm will be proud

Charm's family has asked that instead of flowers that donations be made to The Oral Cancer Foundation's Tom Baker Memorial Fund.

There is a photo of Charm and his lovely wife Bev. I took this photo last September at the NJ OCF walk hosted by Susan Lauria. Charm especially loved being among his fellow OC survivors as is evident by the smile on his face.

Tom Baker's Memorial Fund

I'm very sad to hear this. Yes, Charm was one of a kind. I would always read his post he was an interesting man. My condolences to Bev. RIP Charm....

To Charm - You Just Give Me A Reason

Right from the start
You were a thief � you stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren�t all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them

You just gave me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second, we�re not broken just bent
And we can learn to LIVE again
It�s in the stars
It�s been written in the scars on our hearts
We�re not broken just bent
And we can learn to LIVE again

***

Thank you Charm for all you have given to me and to all of your OCF Family. Words cannot express how much you will be missed. Rest in Peace my dear friend.

***


(Thanks to Pink for unknowingly letting me paraphrase her new song 'Just Give Me A Reason'. I am sure she would be proud of its use)

I feel sad......charm was like a constant on the site for me from the first time I joined and when ever I needed to feel confidence in getting better.
He was a good soul and will be missed xx

A beautiful picture of Charm and Bev, Christine. I know that makes you feel good and bad when you look at it, but thanks. I donated (I think) to his Memorial that you furnished. At first it wouldn't accept me, then it did. I know everyone is devastated about this because Charm was such a big part of this Forum. How sad.

julieann

So many will miss him here.

Semper-Fi to Tom, Bob

I like Donna needed some time to process this sad news after reading it 24 hours ago.
Charm joined 7 months after me and right from the beginning his posts were so rich in both humour, accurate and well-informed information.
My sincere condolences go to Bev, his family and friends. Also to you Christine and all the other survivors who got to meet him on the OCF walks and those that got to know him through the forum.
Thank you also for the link to the lovely photo of Tom and Bev.
How wonderful that the proceeds of his Memorial Fund Donations will go to the Oral Cancer Foundation. I will be doing that today.
His posts will live on for all of us here and inspire and inform new members in the future.
Gabriele

RIP Charm......condolences to the family.....

Thanks for posting on FB Christine.

there are no words.

All I can do is join the hundreds of others to voice my gratitude for Charm's support and wisdom over the years. Charm's posts allowed me to help Alex at a time when he was overwhelmed with fear and the enormity of what he was facing. Whilst Alex would not always heed the warnings and advice of the healthcare workers or myself, he would always listen when the conversation started with "Charm says ..."

I am very sad to hear this. My sincere condolences to Bev and the rest of his family and friends.

Karen

Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.
We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.

We passed the school, where children strove
At recess, in the ring;
We passed the fields of gazing grain,
We passed the setting sun.

Or rather, he passed us;
The dews grew quivering and chill,
For only gossamer my gown,
My tippet only tulle.

We paused before a house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,
The cornice but a mound.

Since then 'tis centuries, and yet each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses' heads
Were toward eternity.

--Emily Dickinson

Thanks, Charm, for your experience and expertise, courage and camaraderie, and friendship to friends you never met.

Charm's death notice, which includes the link to donate to the memorial fund, is in the Washington Post today.

Sorry to hear that this fighter is gone. RIP and condolences to the family.

What a loss, RIP my freind. Not many get to touch as many people as you. I love his last post. Here one for you.

You're one of the toughest and most honorable men I've ever had the privilege of knowing and you changed my life for the better my friend. Even though sick and ailing yourself, after multiple rounds with the beast, you should me how to handle myself and keep pushing forward, to keep fighting for your family. I'm a better man for knowing you and I will miss your wisdom and attitude everyday, I'm truly thankful for the time we had together Old Frack. See you when I get there brother.

I am in tears reading this. He was a big help to me during my treatments. I am in shock. I need to apologize the I not here much anymore. I need to make it a point to come post more often.

Words fail me. This is so sad. Rest in peace Charm. My thoughts and prayers are with his family. We will light a candle in church tomorrow.

I just haven't been able to find the right words after finding out Charm has passed. This is one guy I know we will miss very much. It won't be the same with the Fracker and his emails. I felt close to him and the words he would send me. Even when he 1st came into the forims and I thought he was a lady. Damn I felt dumb until he emailed me and laughed along with me,. He told me I wasn't the 1st to mistake him and laughed again. Sure will miss you Charm.

To those who may have missed the Washington Post's obituary for Charm here is the link. I know it would mean alot to Bev and their son for Charm's fellow OCF members to sign the guest book. It does take some time for the posts to appear but at this time there are only 7 entries. Lets show Charm's family how loved and respected he was by taking a minute to sign his guest book.

Thank you!!!

Tom Baker's Guest Book (for Charm)

Very sad news I will miss his always interesting posts and courage that has helped me and so many others cope with this terrible disease and the side effects of treatment to try and cure ourselves of it, charm was a caring person who helped many through their diagnoses and treatments,
truly one of a kind...rest in peace Charm

I have no idea what to say, and there is no way to alleviate the grief many including myself are feeling. I know many of the olds timers here are horribly affected by his passing, but make no mistake he will be missed by all.... hugs and love and RIP charm.

for tom's family, christine and ocf friends, my deepest sympathies. sadly i read this the day my mom had a (surprise) cancer surgery at the same ccc my dad now celebrates 2 years out, and it reminds me how important it is *where* you are treated and knowing as much as possible.

charm's voice was spot on, no bs...i liked it even though it scared me into learning more.

there are a few good things about this experience. you see the best in people. it humbles you. you cherish time.

I have cried as if I knew Charm personally, and in a way, I guess we all did. He was brilliant, helpful, and clever on this forum, as I'm sure was true in all aspects of his life.

Lottie

I keep coming back here to feel the caring we all had for Charm and for any comfort we can give to each other. Charm helped us and inspired us all in so many different ways. His passing leaves a void . . . and a reminder to hold our loved ones a little closer and as Caco says . . to cherish time.
Still, a voice inside of me keeps crying out. . . . Charm! you left us way too soon!

We lost one of the very best.

Bev has asked me to post this thank you on the forum.....


I write this with a heavy heart. Finding the right words has been difficult. I am so devastated over Tom's death. I had hoped that he could have hung on longer even though I could see that he was spending more and more time in bed. Hope and a lot of denial!!!

My son and I have been walking around in a daze this past week. My future daughter-in-law was our rock this week. She got the ball rolling and did everything that needed to be done. We are so thankful and grateful to have her in our lives. I was with Tom at home while we waited for the paramedics to arrive. I was able to hold him, kiss him, comfort him, and tell him what a wonderful husband and father he had been to myself and our son over the years. I wasn't sure if he could hear or understand what I had just said, so I asked him if he heard me and he shook his head yes. After the paramedics took over that was my last contact with him. His lungs had filled with blood and he had stopped breathing. I watched the paramedics in the back of the ambulance trying to keep him alive with CPR. Tom died shortly after we arrived at the hospital.

His funeral mass yesterday was beautiful and gave us all a sense of closure. I feel that Tom is in heaven now and at peace. No more illness and constant pain and worry. The night before he died neither one of us slept well that night and each time we wokeup we held hands until we both fell back asleep. Tom put up a courageous fight for 5 1/2 years. I admire him for that. I don't know if I could have done what he did. I know that a lot of that ability he had to maintain a positive attitude and keep fighting especially during his third round of treatment came from all of the wonderful love and support that he got from our OCF friends. I am so grateful that he had all of you and I thank you all for your constant support . He not only fought to stay alive for himself and his loved ones here at home but for all of you too on OCF. He cared a great deal about being a positive influence for all of you so you all could fight back too. It meant a lot to Tom to be able to reach out to all of his OCF friends and give back his love and support too for all of you.

Tom and I have shared many tears over the years for the passing of other OCF members and also for all of the other members dealing with difficulties and heartaches as well as their families. We enjoyed meeting other OCF members at the Oral cancer walks and have cherished their friendship and support. Even though Tom and I would have liked to get to know more members of OCF personally, I still feel like you are all part of my special family. My heart goes out to all of you on OCF too because you've all lost a special friend and his love and support. I want to thank you all for your donations to the Tom Baker Memorial. I hope that one day in the future we will be able to prevent other people from having to endure the same ordeal that we have all had to suffer through as an oral cancer patient and the oral cancer caregivers. I want to thank the other caregivers on OCF too for your support for me and our family members (my son, future daughter-in-law and myself have read your online words of support in the guestbook). I was Tom's caregiver over the years and I know how difficult, stressful, as well as how painful emotionally it is see a person you love have to endure so much pain and disability. Many of you have lost your loved one too so I know I'm not alone. I feel for the first-time caregivers who are just joining OCF. It's scary. Hang in there.

Thanks too for all of the love and support from our special friends, Christine from PA (we hung out together at two Oral Cancer Walks) and Eric from Idaho (we hosted Eric at our home for a couple of nights and got to know him personally while he was visiting Washington, DC with Brian on business with NIH). This is getting long and now I'm rambling. Thank you all soooooo much. Life goes on and somehow my son, Tom, and I will find our way after our grieving period. Tom would want us to get back into life and find joy again.

Best regards,
Beverly Baker





If you would like to read Charm's obituary and sign his guest book, here is the link. There are only about 20 signatures on the guest book and about 17 of them are from OCF members. It takes about 24 hours for your message to appear. It means alot to Bev to see these messages so if you havent written yet, please try to soon.

Tom Baker's Guest Book (for Charm)


If you would like to read more in depth about Charm's life or to donate to the Tom Francis Baker Memorial Fund, here is the link.

The Thomas Francis Baker Jr OCF Memorial Fund(Charm)


Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to post on these threads. Im sure one day Bev will be able to come here and read all the kind messages everyone has written. She will see how much her husband was loved from people around the world. He touched thousands of patients lives and will never be forgotten.

Thank you, Christine, for posting that for Bev. It was wonderful and sad reading what she wrote straight from her heart. Please tell her how much we appreciate her message. Also, if you would, please post her address so we can send her a personal sympathy card. Bev is blessed to have you for her friend, and you are blessed to have her for your friend. Thanks again,
julieann

Thanks SO much for posting Bev's note.
I really miss the old Frack, preparing and posting message, excited to hear his response, but now knowing I won't see his messages pop up is really quite just plain sad.
don

I cant post Bev's address on the forum for privacy reasons. If there is anyone who would like to send her a sympathy card, send me a PM and I give you the address.



@ Julieann, I emailed you her address yesterday. If you havent received it please let me know.

Thank you, Christine for posting Bev's note. How kind it was of her to think of us and to share with us the last tender moments she shared with Tom. I miss him so much.

Thank you Christine.

Thank you Bev and Christine. I find it very hard to read all the sad posts without crying. Charm was so very close to all of us and yet, in life, he had only ever met Christine and EricS. I find that an amazing fact.

I'm very sad to read this. Though I did not know him in person, I feel you could get to know him through all of his helpful, colorful, and funny posts. You will be missed. My best wishes and regards to the whole family.

This is such sad news. My daughter I had the privilege of meeting Charm and Bev at the Andover walk last year. May you rest in peace & keep watch over Bev and your loved ones as they learn to carry on.
Sally

Geez this news brought a tear to my eye... something that I didn't even do throughout my wife's treatment.

Charm - you will be dearly missed.

So sorry to hear of Charm's passing.

I tend not to check the forum as frequently as I used to and was bit belatedly taken back by this very sad news.

I am so sorry to hear about Charm. And I want to say hello to everybody here.

Unspeakably sad...:( A very valuable voice has been lost.

Prayers for Charm's loved ones.

I think often of all of the gifts of knowledge Charm gave me over the time I knew him, the hope and laughter...the motivation as only he could deliver it. None of these things I will ever forget, and my heart hurts at his passing.

I miss you bro.