Hi everyone,

Wanted to get on here for a minute and see how everyone is doing. I am doing well with the exception of one thing that I hope someone here may be able to help me with.

I dont really know how to explain it other than I feel like I am in a dream state all of the time. I feel like I am always on the outside looking in. I know where I am and know everyone around me and know everything that is going on around me, it just fells like Im not there. It actually pretty scary at times. If anyone else has experienced this you will know exactly what I am talking about. My psychiatrist tells me its like when someone comes home from war and they have seen all of the blood and guts and stuff. He says its like the body goes into a protect mode.

If anyone here has experienced this please let me know what was done to remedy it.

Great to be back,
Billy

Quite a few people who have recovered from particularly harrowing forms of cancer,suffer what has been described as a kind of post traumatic stress disorder.I think that is why your
doctor made the analogy with soldiers coming home from war.Maybe a cognitive counsellor may be of more help than a regular psychiatrist.

hope you feel better soon.

love liz

Hi Billy,
I was reading your post and thinking similar to what Liz said. I think I can relate to what you are saying because my mom has tried to put to words just that--that she feels like she is an observer. I can see it in her face and actions/reactions.
I do hope you feel better soon. I know my mom gets so frightened by her feelings at times.
Love,
Donna

I am actually going to start seeing a counselor on Tuesday to try and get this all sorted out. This is by far the weirdest thing I have ever experienced but I know I will get through it. The shemo and radiation treatments were nowhere near as bad as the surgery and this crap.

Thanks for responding yall and I hope your mom gets to feeling better Donna.

Billy

anyone else??

Billy,

I actually felt like that after I finished my chemo and radiation. I had surgery prior to that so my body and mind had been through a lot. My doctor did call is post stress depression. It felt like I was in a tunnel and everyone else was way ahead of me. The feeling lasted for about a month then slowly but surely it started to go away. During that time I had some almost panic attacks just trying to deal with those feelings I had never had before. I do see a therapist that is familiar with cancer and what it can do to you and your life. That has helped me sort things out. I am also on an anti depressant medicine. I hope that feeling subsides soon for you. Like my doctor said people deal with the trama of cancer at all different times and different ways. My thoughts are with you.

Cindy

I can't remember anyone posting about this in these terms before, but that's exactly how I felt and still do occasionally. I thought it is/was some sort of physical/mental stress induced depression/trauma. I struggled with it a great deal when I first went back to work. I would be in meetings and briefings and was like hovering in my own little world. Some days it would get so bad I had to escape home. It does get better over time but every now and then it creeps back in on me. Since I didn't see a lot of posting on it, I thought it was uncommon. At least now I know I'm as normal as a cancer survivor can be...maybe normal isn't the right term for me.

Tim

Billy I have to say I had less problems and pain after the surgery than now when I am talking rads and chemo. This pain can do funny things to ones mind. LOL But my mind is funny anyway. Maybe it is worse beacuse I was told the Dr removed all the cancer and for damn sure he didn't. Back on the left side on my tongue where he removed some of it, on the right side too and in my throat. I guess that is why the pain is worse now.

Jim i keep getting the vibes that you are really quite angry with your docs about this recurrence.I am sure your surgeon felt quite confident he had got all the cancer first time round,and to be fair,he would only be telling it as he saw it with the naked eye.Unfortunately as we see all too often this sneaky little critter has a nasty habit of crawling off somewhere else and doing its evil work.Your body took a battering from the surgery,and now you have the dreaded rad and chemo combination,that is zipping you off into a whole new world of different pain and fear.
Its all a massive shock to the sytem because you think it will be like before,then find that was just the introduction,now you are onto the main performance,and it is painful.Robs pain levels rocketed after the first week of radiation therapy,and it was from the burning in his mouth and throat quite a different pain from the surgery.The medics explained he would need several different types of painkiller to redress the different types of pain,the one pill cures all just doesn't work,and the rads hit so many different areas.Throw in to the mixer the chemo which will be making you tired and doing all sorts of things to your blood levels,and you are gonna feel dog rough honey.

Just think of this Jim if you feel rough how do you think the cancer feels? As we all know you cant make an omlette without breaking a few eggs,so be kind to yourself sweetie and get all the rest you can.

You are a bright shining star and such a friend to so many people,i hate to see you struggling like this,but with all of us in your corner this monster has an army to defeat,and what an army!!

love and ((((hugs)))) liz

Liz, my margins were 1.5mm The OR called the surgeon and myself a few times telling me I needed rads because of the close margins. He told the surgeon and my self that the cancer would be back. Well, it wasn't but a couple of weeks and I was having problems. It was admitted to that the cancer was there until Jan, 3rd . That is what has me upset. All the Dr had to say was you need rads & chemo. Why would he insist I didn't need the treatmenst? The OR knew it all along and I'm angry with myself for not listening to him, not the Oncologist.