Barb, with all due respect, you have no idea how you might react if you were the patient and in Jim's shoes. Trust me when I say there is a profould difference between the feelings and reactions of patient and caregiver..........neither more "important" than the other, but for a caregiver to state what they would or wouldnt' do during treatment simply isn't fair to us that have actually DONE the treatment. I never thought I would react the way I did at times.........but I did. Jim is facing something you struggle to understand, but all of us on this board DO understand him. He's alone facing it, so I think it would be really kind of you if you allowed him this board, a place he can come and vent HIS feelings whether they are right or wrong. He really needs that rignt now, far more than you need to publicly defend your reasons for not being with him right now. None of us judge you on that. But we DO understand Jim and what he's dealing with, let's allow him to do that.
Thanks,
Minnie

Barb i am going to take the bull by the horns and say you are soooo wrong.
I could name you a dozen women on this site who have been treated exactly as you say Jim treated you.It unfortunately goes with the territory.If you doubt my word go back and read my early posts which were nearly all begging for help and advice on how to handle the angry animal my husband became.In fact in June of last year i eventually packed my bags and left before he destroyed us both,i was so fed up being treated like an emotional punch bag.I went back after three weeks just before he was told he had a terminal recurrence,and i regret leaving him every day,but know i would never have had the strenght to manage our last month together when my spitting tiger became a purring pussycat again,and left me with precious memories.
Life with cancer can be too short Barb,dont live just to regret your decisions.

Jim, YES..............can you please come to Va. Beach and take down our Christmas lights and then help me take down my indoor snowman collection?? We are all sick and tired of looking at them.....but I won't let anyone else put them away as they're so precious to me. So, let me know when you'll arrive! No pay but the company is great and I can cook up some great meals for people with our eating issues!
Love,
Minnie

minnie I'm on my way and can kill 2 birds with one stone. My daugter in laws mom lives there too. Her name is Ruby Dail,, maybe you know her. You put the snowmen away and i'll fo the rest, unless I drop a few LOL

Ok all, I was just informed by Barb that she will not go with me to the hospital or to appointments. I knew that was going to happen when I took her up on her up on her offer. Oh well, I will make it without her help. AND to the supporters in here who told her the way it is,, I thank you for sticking up for me. It reminds me of what my granddaughter told my ex one time when she was 8 yrs.. My wife said soemthing mean and mandi went right after her,, LOL she told my Ex that no one talks to her pappy that way. I loved it. As for Barb,, she is going to have a tough time making it , but I wish her well.

Jim, if you still have energy left after taking care of the lights at Minnie's house, just swing by my house - my lights and Christmas tree are still up, too and need to come down. Same deal, no pay but I'm a really good cook and have lots of experience cooking with special diets! Try not to worry about Barb too much because you can't control what somebody else does or doesn't do. My son's then girlfriend took off when he was diagnosed with his SCC and it's been a blessing because last Spring, he rekindled a romance with his childhood girlfriend and now, they are very close and happy in their relationship. You just never know what good things tomorrow can bring. I was also one of those caregivers that Liz mentioned. Some days can be so difficult but we all do survive and my son and I are closer than ever. He's back to his sweet, witty and wonderful self! So, you hang in there, Tiger!

Minnie and Anne-Marie, i will need some of our style lessons in cooking so I just might have to be the Christmas undecorator for you 2 LOL and get some good old homecookin I have no idea what I will be able to eat after this gets moving and what I'm eating now I have a hard time chewing or swallowing. I hope you have extra bedrooms LOL Hey,, I'm a good cook for normal food. We can swap meals.

Sounds good to me!

Jim,

I've been reading your posts and pulling for you behind the scenes. I'm in Wooster OH, about an hour south of Cleveland, or 2 hrs north of Columbus.My Dad has been in Cleveland Clinic since 12/27.

I feel deeply your struggle with Barb and what you both went through the first time. My step mom has excluded me from almost everything, but she can't stop me from seeing my dad while he's in the hospital. My dad won't sign consent for dr.'s and nurses to talk to me directly. No matter how bad this hurts, and it hurts excruciatingly, I will not stop being his loving daughter. With all my heart, I implore Barb to be there for you. When all is said and done, that is all that matters. My love will shine through this cancer, no matter how ugly the family gets. My dad will know I loved him through it. I don't understand it, not at all. All I know is my dad has had 2 surgeries, 9 hours each. I know that my family fell apart the first time in 2003. The second time was not as much of a surprise. Let love be your guide, let God lead you from your hearts. But Barb, someone you love needs you and is reaching out to you. I wish my dad would reach out to me. Don't disappoint him, please reach back! You're needs won't be met, almost guaranteed, because it's Jim's needs that need met now. Yours and mine will have to wait. Dig deep Barb, he needs you, help him get to the other side again where he can meet you halfway and meet your needs again. My dad has said and done some terrible things to me while he's battled his cancers, we have too many unresolved issues for my comfort level, I'm working daily to seperate the person from the behavior and just love him through this. I wouldn't want my loved ones to leave me if I got nasty through the treatment, cancer brings out the nasty ~ fight back with love!

Deb, I have been to wooster a few times in the past years. It's a nice town from what I saw. The town I live in is between cambridge and St Clairsville just off I70. It's a nice small town . I was raised in Steubenville . As for Barb, I think that has to be over . she seems set on proving something and I have no idea as to what it is. This is one person that has never said I am wrong, I am sorry or I appologize.. Even when proven wrong. Everytime i talk to her all she wants is to tell me how bad and mean I am. I can do without that in my life right now. I want a happy smiling face to look at, not one that makes me wonder what she will come up with next time. I guess we were raised with different values as I was raised to admit it when I am wrong. I feel sorry that you are being left out of the updates on your Dad and feel this is completely wrong for anyone. I hope you 2 work out your differences and become a close family again.