Hi guys. I had taken a break from the list for about 4-5 months, I believe the last post I had made was when my jaw bone was exposed and believed I was going to be going under more surgery and hyperbaric chamber treatments. I was in the midst of a military move when the doctor discovered this, after we moved to the new home it just healed up on it's own. I felt extremely blessed and lucky.

I guess I should give a quick background on myself since it's been awhile. I was diagnosed with small salivary gland cancer in right retromolar area, October 2006 it was classified as mucoidepidermal carcinoma low to intermediate grade. Had clear borders but had neural involvement. I under went 30 Imrt treatments and finished those in Feb 2007. It's been an extremely tough year. My daughter has cystic fibrosis and her disease alone is more than I can handle, cancer wasn't something I had room in my life for. Ofcourse, who does? On top of my cancer, my daughter's hospitalizations,surgery, my husband's grandmother fell and broke her neck in 3 places (she is doing extremely well considering), my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer last month. So, Ive had non stop stress for this past year which brings me to today.

Last Thursday, I went in for my monthly follow up with my new ent/head&neck specialist. He did his exam, scoped down my nose etc. Everything was fine and normal. Oh, I also went the previous week into the dentist and had my teeth cleaned and nothing was mentionable or noticable. Anyhow, last Friday I felt like the top of my mouth /pallate was a bit sore. Felt like the beginning of a canker sore/ulcer. Saturday I had a lump and mouth was really sore. I began to freak out, by Tuesday I was having panic attacks so I thought it would be best to go back into the doctor. Did that yesterday, and the Dr. said it could be an ulcer but given my history with cancer he felt it best to be biopsied. And done under anesthesia. He said if I hadn't had cancer that he would send me home for a couple weeks to see if it would go away on it's own. Im still extremely confused that a lump would just appear so quickly without me, the dentist, or the doctor noticing....like I said 2 days after a check up. I also wonder if the spray he put down my nose irritated my mouth, I tasted it when he sprayed my nose and like I said mouth was irritated the following morning.

Im very frightened. Having panic attacks, worried about going through more and worried about being around to care for my daughter who has a chronic, progressive disease. I asked him for something for my anxiety and he wouldn't write anything for me. Im having a hard time sleeping, and functioning. Hard not to cry in front of my daughter who senses and understands more than I want her to.

Im scheduled for surgery on Tuesday. Oh, I also may have to have fiber optic interbation (sp) since I have limited mobility of my jaw. Has anyone had this done? Please tell me your experience with this. I apologize that this is long, I know Im probably babbiling a lot...thought I posted last night and fell asleep while I was writing is. Guess I didn't post ... If anyone else has experienced anything like what Im going through right now, please respond.

Laura ,i guess no body is actually going through what you are at the moment,but a lot of folks are going through and have been through the stress and anxiety you are experiencing.

I am very surprised that you doctor was so unsympathetic to your feelings,i would have thought a low dose anti anxiety drug would have helped you through the next few days, and i camt see it doing any harm long term.
Your situation must be awful and stress and tension can often cause the pains you describe in you neck.

I know it is pointless to say sit down,take a deep breath and try to relax,BUT - sit down take a deep breath and try to relax.

liz

Laura, Do you have a primary care doctor who you could call about getting someting for your anxiety? Perhaps the ENT isn't the best person to write a scrip for that.

Also, yes, that spray can irritate your mouth I think, so it's very possible your irritation is from that. It sounds to me like your doc is just being extra cautious in doing a biopsy, especially without giving it a couple of weeks to see if it goes away. From what you have said, I would not assume it is likely to be cancer.

For every surgery where I have to be intubated, since radaition, I have had fiberoptic intubation because I have pretty bad trismus (jaw mobility) too. If they give you the right drugs beforehand, that numb the area where they will be sliding the tube down, and enough drugs that you are pretty well zoinked even though not totally out as they do it, then it is no big deal. Try not to worry about it.

All in all, do whatever you can to take care of yourself and relax yourself this weekend. Sounds like you've had a super-stressful year and anything you can do to not add stress from worrying about this, probably needlessly, would be good for you--whether it's involving yourself with something with your family, doing a craft, watching a movie, or taking a good long walk.

I haven't been through exactly this but I have had recurrence scares--for both my breast cancer and my tongue cancer--since finishing treatment 2 years ago. So I do know how scary it can feel. And I also know that in both cases, they were false alarms and even if they hadn't been, worrying about the results really didn't help anything!

Nelie

Thanks for responding, Im coping as best as I can. I don't have a primary care doctor as of yet. We moved here in July and like I said things have been hectic,stressful. My daughter was admitted into the hospital for a few weeks and at home on iv therapy for an additional week, dog broke her leg and then I went down for my mom's cancer surgery. I did make sure to follow up with my ent every month though.

Tonight I have a new sore on the inner part of my lip not sure what to think. I don't have a lump there but could swear this is how it started on the roof of my mouth. Definately still have the lump on my pallate tho, and it is sore. Wondering if this new sore is irritation as well since I had scope down my nose again yesterday... Doctor prescribed a lidocaine mixture to see if that would bring the lump down, I thought lidocaine mix was just to numb any pain.... I really dont care for it since I used it during my rad tx and it really made my mouth break out in sores. Anyone else have ulcer probs after tx? How do they appear and react? How long do they usually last?

Im gonna go cuddle with my little girl and watch good old Harry Potter with her.

thanks again,
Laura

Hi Laura,
I rather agree with Nellie that this sounds like some type of irritation in your mouth......although of course you must have it checked by a doctor.

I'm SHOCKED that your ENT wouln't give you something for anxiety. If you don't have a primry care, go to your closest doc in the box clinic, take your records with you, explain the situation and they will write you a script on the spot, guarantee it. It's how I got my first anti-anxiety meds, you know, the ones I never thought I would need! They do wonders for us and I pray that you get some soon.
Hug your daughter for me, bless her heart, I worked with many cystic fibrosis patients during my nursing career.

Take care and keep us posted.
Minnie

I would like to add that my ENT wouldn't prescribe for anxiety either(suggested therapy), but my primary care doctor and oncologists were very accomadating. I wish you the best, hopefully it's just irritation. Take care.

Laura: We'll certainly be thinking about you as you deal with your situation next week. DO keep us posted as to your diagnosis, and let us know if we can help in any way with specific questions, or if you just need to 'vent'...

Lois & Buzz in NC

Laura,
So sorry for all your anxiety and I agree with all of the above advice on getting anti-anx meds--there WILL be someone out there to do that for you.
In the meantime, breathe deep, visualise a lovely place that someday you'll be at, in good health, and know that worrying won't make any difference to the outcome--I know, easier said than done, but it IS true!
And I understand about your daughter--I have taught lots of kids with cystic fibrosis and taken them on residentials, and I know that the constant antibiotics, nebulisers, physio, pancreatic enzyme food drugs regime is exhausting, and that the disease is life-limiting and you want the best of that life for your babe.
Thinking of you,
Brenda

Husband had a lesion that appeared between his regular 2 month checkups.
They biopsied w/i 3 days and it came back clear.
Just tissue irritated by the radiation.
Surprised me that it seemed to be there so fast.

Hang in there and try to get some anxiety meds.
Panic attacks stink!
Maggie

Hi guys. Well, I didn't end up having my biopsy as of yet. It was scheduled for Tuesday, but the hospital called me to tell me they needed to reschedule, which made me happy since the swelling had come down quite a bit. I called the doctor and spoke with him. Told him the lump is still there but it definately is not as prominent as it was and no longer sore. He said it was reasonable to come in to see him next week to see how things look. Hopefully this lump will go away, still frightened it won't, although I am encouraged since the swelling and pain are gone now.

My problem is next week is a BAD week for me to be having anything done since my husband is going through his Chief's initiation (it's a huge deal and mean's quite a bit to him). Plus there is Halloween, I was having surgery last year on Halloween so really want to enjoy it with my daughter this year. Do you think it unreasonable to wait an additional week if the lump is still there? Thanks for all who responded to me .