Hi all,
I haven't posted in a while because I have been so busy taking care of my husband but after yesterday's issues I felt like today I had to get onto the site. My husband is currently healing from his partial glossectomy and neck dissection where they removed 64 of his lymph nodes. We got the word 2 weeks ago that his tongue pathology came back as a stage I cancer but that 2 of the lymph nodes where malignant and therefore he would have to undergo further treatment. So we met with the tumor board on Monday to discuss treatment and based on their findings decided he needs to have the full blast of both radiation and chemo. Apparently one of the affected lymph nodes was unusual looking in that the cancer had blasted straight through the sheathing that covers the node. So they don't want to take any chances that there could be anything left. They also said because he is so young (only 29) that they would like to try to erradicate it now since he has so many fruitful years left of his life. I guess that makes sense. They are posing to do 6 1/2 weeks of radiation treatments with 3 chemo treatments intermixed. The chemo, they said, is being used to intensify the affects of the radiation. They said the type they are giving him shouldn't have any of the usual symptoms related to chemotherapy such as the extreme nausea and hair falling out. We will just have to wait to see. He did so well with his surgery (eating all solid foods in less than 2 weeks) that they think he will do real well with the rest of the treatment.

So far through all of this I have held myself together fairly well and have remained strong for him. I think Monday though, was the final straw that made me break down. I came into work on Tuesday and just couldn't hold myself together. I ended up leaving and had to seek medical help to get myself calmed down. They gave my a mild tranquilizer which seemed to work. I just felt so bad about losing it in front of my husband. He assured me that he totally understood and that I just hadn't let out enough emotions during all of this. I guess I just felt like if I were to get upset that I would make his fears so much greater. He told me though that he was glad I was able to share my fears with him and that we are able to talk openly about everything we are going through. I just want to be able to be there for him as much as possible. The next 2 months are going to be tough but I know we'll get through this. I think I just need to vent on the forum more often so that I don't let things get too pent up inside! Thanks everyone for listening.

Michelle

Hi Michelle,

The first time I lost it in front of Jack I felt terrible but he was actually waiting for me to let go of the superwoman act. Caregivers and patients need to comfort each other - we're all going through this cancer and together is better than apart.

Medication to help with anxiety and inability to sleep is a great idea and an act of sanity. Do what you need to get through this and don't be afraid to share emotions with your husband. I'm sure he's relieved to get a chance to talk about it too.

Hang in there, it will get better.
Regards JoAnne

Michelle
We can totally relate to what you are going through. Trying to hold it together without showing fear is nearly impossible....now take a deep breath, and don`t beat yourself up about it.
JoAnne gave you great advice, just know that we are here..we have been where you are and can empathise. You can do it girl!
Take care
Marica

Michelle,

I have been with my husband for 8 years and I have never seen him cry about anything except for when I was diagnosed with stage III tongue cancer 6 weeks after our daughter was born. Truthfully, it was a bit reasurring to me that he was also scared. It made me feel like my fear wasn't all in my head.

While I wouldn't want to feel that he is a bomb waiting to go off anytime, I can apprieciate his occassional need to have a breakdown too!

I also had the same treatment. It is difficult, but you will make it through this! Email me if you need anything.

Sarah

Michelle -

The caregivers on this site have stood in your shoes and totally understand. The stress of a cancer diagnosis is huge and neither you nor your husband should under-estimate the emotional and mental side of this disease.

The day my husband was diagnosised I told him that 'we' have cancer. The past 14 months have been nearly impossible to describe - but after everything we have been through, I think Kenny has gotten the point I was trying to make.

Your physical and mental health are critically important to your husband right now. Take the time to visit your doctor, explain the situation and accepting help. Sit down with your boss and do the same thing. Days went by were my work and office family was my escape.

Visit this site often. Vent, rant, rave and scream. The support you receive here is completely sincere. The advise you read is given freely and with only the very best of intentions. There is no side agenda. No schedule. Visit as often as you want and post as often as you need.

Take things one day at a time. You WILL get through this -- one day at a time.

Carol

Michelle, I, also, am sending you strength and courage. Please do stay with us and ask for support or just "good listeners" when you need to. Durng rad treatments and chemo, you can get alot of really good info here. Best luck to both of you. Amy

Thanks everyone. I really needed to hear all of that. It's amazing how much better I have felt over the past couple of days just by reading your replies and just reading other posts of people sharing in their experiences. My husband and I have really become a team since all of this began. He is inquisitive and wants to know what is going to happen to him but doesn't have the emotional strength to do his own research on it. So when he has a question about something I come to this site to find some answers and then share with him what I have learned. I have even made phone calls to others who have had a similar experience to learn about their story. I think that has been a source of comfort to him knowing that I can give him some of the answers that he needs. Thanks again everyone for sharing your experiences and being a shoulder to lean on. I hope to be able to do the same for others.

Michelle

Michelle, one thing I have done for John since his cancer treatment started was to print anything on this site that I thought he would care to read, or would answer a question for him. I'm sure there are over 200 pages in his ring binder now. I also printed several "patient" blogs from men that helped him with thoughts and feelings he was struggling with. He can read these print outs at his own pace and as many times as he wants to. Those 200 + pages represent 2 to 4 hrs. a night and long hrs. on weekends since Apr. 1st, 2005 of my reading and asking questions on this forum [and sometimes on Drug company sites or sites Gary sends us to]. He and I have both learned a tremendous amount about fighting this battle and the practical information has been great.Thank goodness for people who are willing to share! Amy