I dont know how to start here. I have been a quiet member for about two years. I dont write much, really not good at it. I read these forums every single day. They have been very helpful to my family. I am really at the end of my rope, I dont know if I am strong enough to take any more. I feel bad feeling like this, I am not the one with the cancer it is my husband. He needs to go for a biopsy on Friday, after 20 months from end of last treatment.
Our Story...On Xmas Eve 2002 my husband was told there was a pretty good chance he had tongue


cancer. On the 9th of January he had a biopsy, and yes it was positive. On Febuary 3, 2003 he had a partial glossectomy, radical neck and a peck flap. 14 hour surgery, results were T3N1M0. After six weeks he had 30 radiation treatments to both side of neck. All this ended at the end of April.
Everything was going ok but he was having troble with his jaw hurting. Come to find out where they broke (cut) the jaw to do the surgery wasnt healing. They tried many thing to try to get the jaw to repair itself. He kept getting infections and in pain. In June of 2004 they did a surgery where they took a bone an a artrery from his leg to repair the jaw. Well he had a MAJOR stroke during surgery. He never had high blood pressure or anything. They think something broke off during surgery. Who knows, they said sometimes it just happens. He ended up spending almost 2 months in the hospital to recieve therapy. He had this surgery at UofM so thats where he stayed for the entire 2 months. He was paralyzed on his left side. He can now walk (with a bad limp) but his arm works very little, and his hand has no movement.
Now end of December 2004 he had a PET scan. It showed activity on the left neck 2 small spots. (cancer was on right before) Four weeks later had an MRI. It show the same area with one spot 1.5cmx.05 and second (real close to the other)is 1.3cmX.03. This is why he is having a biopsy on Friday.
I dont mean to complain, but I dont think I can take any more. We are in business for ourselves and I have been holding everything together. We have two kids who are away at collage. They should be having the times of their lives and they just want to come home to be with their Dad. Dont get me wrong I am thankful we are in our own business because Dave would have been fired by now after two years of this crap.
I know if he has a reoccurrance the odds of him getting better are not that great. I do not understand why he must take so much. He is a great person, would always help others, just an all around nice guy. I guess I am just mad at the world and at CANCER. I dont even know why I wrote this, guess I just need to get it off my chest. Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes but it took me two hours to type this, dont feel like checking it all. I am a really bad typer.
Thanks,
Cheryl

Cheryl
Please don`t apologise for feeling like a normal caring wife , I would be just the same in your shoes . Dave really has had a rough go of it poor thing. We have had other members who have had re-occurences and are still going strong, some more than once. Please take heart from that , its not a death sentence for Dave, just another bump along the road. You will be right there for him as strong as ever, this is exactly the place to vent all your worries and feelings of despair. Then you will dust yourself off and prepare to face whatever comes down the pike.
Take care of yourself Cheryl....
Marica

Cheryl, I am so sorry to read of your and Dave's problems. This disease is a nasty thing. I don't blame you for feeling discouraged. You have been through a lot. I think being a caretaker is harder in a lot of ways than being the cancer victim. Dave is your medal for the fine job you have done.

Unfortunately, there isn't any assurances or guarantees with this disease. We are all under the gun of a recurrance. All we can do is hitch up our pants and get on with what we have to do to fight it. And we can never let this thing beat us. As long as we battle it, we win. I know this is easy for me to say as I had only one time at bat so far.

You and Dave have done a heroic job to this point. All you can really do is continue doing it as long as you need to continue. You need to try to get some rest from the business. Either with a relative, friend, employee or whatever way you can. Balancing a cancer battle and a business can be very hard. Try to find someone to give you some relief. Also in your caregiving. If someone can help with that, I'm sure it would give you the chance to catch your breath and get ahead of the curve a little bit.

Please know that we on the board will support you as much as possible. Don't worry about spelling problems, as long as we can interpret what you are saying, we can deal with it. When I was going through treatment, I found that what worked for me was my involvement with my church family and my regular family.

Some of the folks on this board have had jaw replacements and other issues similar to Dave's. I just had a tonsilectomy, rad/chemo, and a neck dissection, so I can't comment on the extent of his surgery. Hopefully, the scan results will be a false alarm or easily treated.

Cheryl,
I had tears in my eyes after reading your post. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you and your family. I really wish I could make things better for you. You are going through a lot, it's so difficult and I'm so sorry. You are obviously an incredible person. KirkGeorgia said it beautifully -- Dave is your medal for the fine job you're doing.
Best regards,
D

Cheryl,

I second what D posted. It is a frustating diaease. Never knowing whats coming next. Hopefully the scans will be something that can be treated. Many of us have had reocurrances and are still fighting and trying like hell to kick the shit out of this bastard of a diaease!!! I hope you and Dave can find the strength to continue your battle. Many of us are pulling for Dave.
You should get some relief from the multiple titles you are handling. I hope for the best news for the both of you.

Best Wishes, Danny Boy

cheryl, my thoughts and prayers are with you both .stay strong and positive we are all rooting for you. god bless maz

Cheryl,

I have not been through all that you have but I do feel hopeless often and I am always wondering if I can make i through the next day. It seems that everytime I think that I know what is supposed to happen I get it wrong. On top of that my husband is very angry about this and I am the person who gets chewed out, cursed at, and blamed on most days.

I have a friend who is also a councellor and she is what keeps me from falling apart. Do you have someone who you can call or write to when you need it? I have also found that I sometimes have to find someone else to come and watch over things for a while and I have to go and find something that has nothing to do with cancer and won't make me think about it.

I have found that writing is a very good outlet for frustration but nothing I ever does ever makes it really go away. It just allows me to regroup.

I do not know if I have the strength to make it all of the way through this. Sometimes I think I might but most times I don't. But my friends and especially those closest to me say that they know I can do it. They think I have the strength and I sure would hate to let everyone down.

Maybe they know something that I just can't see inside my narrow world here. But I can tell you that I hope they are right.

I hope you have a friend or someone who can help you up when you are feeling like this. I know that we are always here on this board and if it works as a good outlet for you then let the epithets fly. We are listening and we understand.

Good Luck to you and your husband and I hope that all works out.

Cindy

Thank you everyone for your support and your kind words. I cried every time I read a post it meant alot to me. You were all so understanding and you dont even know me. This was more support than we get from SOME of our family members.

Dave had biopsy yesterday, Doc really couldnt find anything under ultasound or cat. Did the biopsy from area that lit up on PET. Areas of concern are where Dave has clips and screws. Anyway we will have results on Tuesday. Doc seemed pretty sure there is no cause for alarm.

Thanks again,
Cheryl

Hi Cheryl
Right lady hang on in there until Tuesday, keep saying to yourself the Doc was PRETTY SURE NO CAUSE FOR CONCERN..
To most of us here they are good words to hear, just 2 more days to get through, go out, go shopping, buy SHOES, clean the kitchen.. Bake Cakes..
:rolleyes:
Do what ever you need to get through to Tuesday..
Sunshine... love and hugs
Helen

Cheryl, my husband had similar surgery two years ago, followed by 33 treatments of radiation. After a PET/CT Scan, it was noted that there was some activity and of course I was frighten of any negative results, but it ended up being nothing to be alarmed about until the next scan. It is an anxious time but have positive thoughts, it is hard to live with the beast hanging over your head. I do know the feeling, take a deep breathe. I hope for good news for you and your husband.
Becky Ray

Hi Cheryl in Troy,
I'm Cheryl in Clawson. I am sorry to hear that you are going through so much. My dad is just beginning his tx for the first time around. The emotional roller coaster has been quite a ride. I can't imagine what it must be like to have the stroke and possible recurrence on top of that. That's quite a load, but if you've made it through the other obstacles I'm sure you'll find the strength to make it through this one! I hope that Tuesday's news is great for you and your husband! Have you ever been to Gilda's Club on Rochester Rd.? I haven't been yet, but I heard that the support is outstanding. Good luck on Tuesday. I wish you both the best.

Good news!!! The biopsy came back and NO CANCER. I am so excited and so is Dave. Thanks to all of you for helping us through this. You are all very kind and helpful. I am so thankful I found this site.

Cheryl

Cheryl,

YAHOO!!! That's wonderful news and I'm sure you and Dave are very relieved! Now try to relax a little - you both deserve it!

Hugs, Nancy

VERY GOOD CHERYL AND DAVE!

Cheryl and Dave, that is fantastic news!!! I think you two should go out and celebrate!

Congrats,

Shelley

Cheryl and Dave
Fabulous news, words we all love to hear "NO CANCER" YIPPIE...
Sunshine.. love and hugs
Helen

What great news!
Congratulations to you both...now breathe out!
Love
Marica