Michael & Seth,

Just want you both to know that I am here for either if you if you need anything. Like everyone keeps saying its a rough road but things will get better. I posted every question my family had on this board and always got very sound and good advice and there were many times when people on this website helped me sleep at night while my mom was in treatment.

Please know that I will be praying for you on Wednesday and kick that stupid cancer in the butt!

Hugs,
Dani

Thanks Dani! Congrats on the clean scans for your Mom!

I just got the results back from the cell block.

It was NEGATIVE for HPV (P16) using Immunohistochemistry testing on the tissues removed in the FNA from 06-08.

This is terrible news for me, since I was hoping all along it explained the source of the cancer and also increased my odds of survival.

Now I feel so defeated and I haven't even begun to fight.

In despiration, I am moving forward with the MRND and Radical Tonsillectomy tomorrow at Stanford.

This is despite several conflictory opionions, even as late as this morning from various Drs stating that the Erbitux is my best 1st line of attack and that surgery impairs it's ability to rach affected areas.

Please keep me in your prayers. It is scheduled to being around 1:30 PM.

A) You have NOT been defeated! Period.

B) As you say, the battle begins now. First and foremost attack it as if victory is a foregone conclusion and the battle is an inconvenient, banal non-event.

C) Have faith in the Drs. you have chosen. Medical science is as much art as it is science. That is what a Nobel Laureate from the Howard Hughes Medical Institute once told me.

D) You will do great! You have lots of spirit, just focus it!

All my best.

Tim

I have no doubt that we will be hearing about you or even from you after you have successfully made it through surgery.

Probably all of us have been where you are at. That horrible panicky state where you are still in shock from the diagnosis and before treatment begins. Speaking for myself, it was the scariest fricking period in my entire life. Perhaps foolishly, though, I still haven't made out my last will and testament.

More people than you know are pulling for you.

Jen

Thank you Jan and Tim.

I can't express how much everyone here means to me.

OK, here's my tough love voice as a Mom of 2 grown kids and a small grandson plus StepMom to 3 way grown kids and StepGranny to their 4 pretty big kids: YOU HAVE JUST BEGUN TO FIGHT, YOU ARE YOUNG, STRONG, SMART & LOVED. "Knowing" what contributed to the cancer you have does NOT have much to do with beating it. Your attitude DOES. You've done your homework, have a great support in your folks & your partner and good medical care available. Count your blessings and put your boxing gloves on kiddo, you got plenty to LIVE FOR! I know you're scared, hell, we all are, but that's part of living--it's just a feeling and you can handle it. Holding you & Seth in the light of good thoughts, especially at 1:30 pm PST on Wednesday! Ciao, Tina

Michael
You have become a much valued member of this board.
We care about you and will be sending the MOST positive of vibes your way.
Lots of love
Marica

Well said Tina and Tim, Michael I will also be thinking of you tomorrow.

Consider turning "desperation" into inspiration.

Take small steps and look no farther than minutes or maybe hours ahead. (living in the moment) You can always carry the load just make it light enough.

If your are like me this is the first time you are going in for any surgery much less cancer. I do remember while in the waiting room for surgery that I was putting myself in the hands of my doctor. At that moment the fears subsided. Tim's words are sage: put your trust in your doctor's hands, let them do the worry.

I'll be thinking positively for you also, Michael. Time to forget the 'whatifs' and concentrate on the 'whatis'. Love from Helen