Hello Paul:
You are a good man and I now it must be hard for you to watch her deteriorate. I've lost several freinds and relatives to cancer. Always, towards the end, It became harder for ME to visit them.
Now, at 50, I've joined this club. I'm waiting for dx, but if my GUT feeling is right, I may go the way of your Mom and let it take it's course.I'm prepared to fight, but if mine is to advanced, I will not. To horrifying, and to much to put my family thru, only to suffer and be cut apart,and not have a good quality of life.
I just read all your posts, and your Mom had a year most likely better than if she fought this terrible disease. She may have already passed. Anyway, I had a GOOD LAUGH when she outlived her "Death Pack". My grandfather outlived every DR. that told him he did not have long to live. It's one of my fondest memories of him telling that story many times! If it comes to it, and when I make MY CHOICE, I hope my family understands, especially my "very last choice". Stay stong, PeteyB

Hi Peter,

Please be very careful at making this type of decision. My mom was already in extremely frail condition when she was diagnosed with her T4 cancer.

Prior to the cancer diagnosis, my mom had several problems including: a herniated disk, arthritis throughout her body, protruding hernia (operation didn't work because her thin skin failed to hold the inserted netting). She just went through a carotid artery operation two months before her cancer diagnosis. In addition, she was diagnosed with the early stages of emphysema 2 years ago (50+ years smoker). When she had her operation in Jan of last year, the testing showed two unknown masses on her left lung. Finally, my mom has very little body fat (or muscle for that matter)... Her body was in no shape to endure the procedures. Even if she made it through them, she most likely would need 24X7 care for the duration of her life.

She made this decision based on the following:

1) The doctors told her (including her own daughter) that the cancer would not be cured with the procedures (radiation, surgery etc).
2) Once she started down the proactive road, she would no longer be able to live on her own. Having to give up her independence was paramount to her decision.

There are several folks here on this board that have beaten this horrible disease. Before making the same decision as my mom, you need to communicate with them and understand that you can beat this SOB... That being said, if you choose to go my mom's route, I will be there for you along the way. But, keep in mind I received NO RESPONSES from people that chose to do nothing. That should tell you something... Know that if you choose to do nothing this will kill you. If you fight it with the procedures, you have the chance to post here years down the road that you beat this bastard disease.

Thanks,
Paul

P.S. Mom is continuing her battle. Same status as a few weeks ago.

Hello Paul
Thank You for the advise. I will not make any rash decisions here. I also am getting ahead of myself, as I have not gotten biopsy(tomorrow)and have not been staged.
But I know it is far advanced. I need to see what I'm up against first. Then sleep on it. This could not have come at a worse time. But, then again, it puts your priorities in order real quick, and all those "other problems" seem minute!
THANKS, PeteyB

Paul,

I can not Imagine it was an easy decison for your mom even in her situation ! Hearing that the treaments are going to do a whole lot though really sux, yet the alternative is worse....For some the Quality of live is more then the length. I am sure she has had alot of soul searching . I know I was lucky and didn't need the RAd ...But I can tell you I have always said ( way way before cancer became even close to a reality for me ) ..I wont go through Chemo or RAD ..Makes ya sick ..why do I wanna be sick ..I want a QUALITY of life....And large part of me even know believes it,, But unitl you are faced you dont know...and in my case ...I can't make the decision based on my own thoughts I have 5 young children....As I said Luckily It was even a decision I had to make ..Sounds like your mom has just been through so much ....Just know that She did soul search to make that decision...And I am sure she is more then grateful to have a wonderful and caring son ...I KNOW SHE DEF IS LUCKY ! Best wishes to you and your mom ..I hold you both in my thoughts an Prayers as you continue on .....May each day you find the strength you need to get through it !

Sharlee

Pete, I want to echo what Paul is saying here about making decisions on treatments carefully. My husband was 55 when he was diagnosed in stage 4 last year. He had surgery, chemo and radiation and although the treatments were miserable, he survived it all and he's here to complain about it.

Don't get ahead of the biopsy results because it's a waste of energy. You won't know what you are going to do until you are faced with the facts of the decision. See what they tell you first before you rule anything in or out. Not pursuing treatments has only one possibility so you have to ask yourself what you're really willing to risk.

Regards JoAnne

Update:

Mom is now having trouble swallowing her pain medication (Vicadin). The tumor growing down her throat is getting large enough to impede her ability to swallow any pills. Making it worse is that any liquids she drinks to wash down the pills comes out of her left nostril (significant amount). I am sure this is adding to her frustration when attempting to swallow the meds.

Spoke to the nurse today. She will order mom a liguid form of Vicodin. Increasing the health care visits to 2 hours per day during the week.

Paul - I am so sorry for what your Mom and you are going through. How wonderful that she has you by her side in these ever so difficult days. I know that you must be a great comfort to her. The decision that she made was surely a very difficult but a very courageous one.

JoAnne, I was so glad to see your post about considering all the possibilities. Our circumstances and experiences vary so much. I cannot speak from experience, but when I think about my loved ones and the people I really care about - there is something in me that wants to shout, "never give up, never give up, never give up!" So, Petey - please do consider ALL the possibilities.

Mom got the liquid meds today... That is the good news... The bad news is the liquid meds burn her mouth. This has been one of the long standing side effects she has been dealing with. The list of foods/drinks that irritate the forever open wound in her mouth continues to grow.

She will try to mix it with her ice cream and pudding. If that doesn't work, it may be time for a patch. Although, my mom's thin irish skin won't deal very well with taking off the patches. We shall see...

Paul R,

I dont know that I have any words of comfort during a time like this, all I can say is YOUR MOM IS LUCKY TO HAVE YOU ! and MY HEART AND PRAYERS GO OUT TO BOTH OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY..I am always here to listen ! As we all are.

Sharlee

Taking the patches off is not a problem, they almost fall off after a few days. I had a bigger problem keeping them on.