I have done my best to be strong thus far but with less than 24 hours before my first chemo and 48 hours to my first IMRT I must admit I am scared. I feel this obligation to be the big tough guy but the fact is my stomach is doing flip-flops, I'm biting my nails (which I've never done before) and I'm tossing and turning in my sleep.

I've done rock climbing. I've jumped out of an airplane before. I've gone almost 50mph on a mountain bike trail. And none of those things compare to the fear I have headed into this treatment.

Maybe I'll find that the anxiety/anticipation is worse than just starting. Maybe it will be the other way around, I don't know. The idea of being sick and in pain for 2,3, or more months is pretty intimidating.

I'm thankful for this site and for all I've learned reading page after page of posts from those of you who have already done this. I'm thankful for my beatiful wife who has been a source of incredible support. I suppose most everybody has a lot of mixed feelings going into the beginning of treatment and that's where I am tonight.

One thing I will know tomorrow, no matter how nervous that drive to the hospital will be, is that I'm not alone in this. I'm thankful for that.
-Steve

You'll be alright, Steve. It will be what you expect & not, like anything that's new. Don't psyche yourself out, just go with it. Focus on your current health & concentrate on staying as well nourished as possible. Erik

Steve, your feelings remind me of John's when he 1st entered treatment. For him, I think the fear stemmed mostly from feeling a loss of control of his life. If that "fits" for you, here is something you can do to get back in control- PROMISE yourself that you will stay as well nourished and hydrated as possible during treatment, discipline yourself to a schedule of food, liquids and rest over the next few months.You and only you can really controll that. Anyone who can jump out of an airplane or ride hell for leather on a mountain bike can handle the treatment. Best luck. Amy

Hi Steve,

Ditto Erik and Jam,

Take things as they come. There is a lot of scary things on this web site, but I have found we all take the treatment differently. Sounds like you are well prepared. Stay as active as you can. Keep as nourished and hydrated as you can. Get exercise. I walked the halls in the hospital and walked on a treadmill provided by the hospital. I golfed, thanks to patient friends and my caring wife. You can do the same. It's a big test, but with the care available today, and staying positive, you can deal with the treatment.

One night I was feeling sorry for myself and I looked at my wife and said, "I don't think I can do this anymore." She said, "You don't have any choice in the matter." She was right, and I just resinged myself that there was a bright side a few weeks away.

Good luck and stay strong. Keep us posted.

Steve Daib

My husband went through all the same feelings that you are going through. Some days were tough and he felt like he wasn't going to make it - but he did - and you will too. Hang in there. It will get better. He finished he treatments on 2/22/06. He is returning to work on 4/10/06. He can't wait to get back in the swing of things and he feels pretty darn good.

Hello steve,
Ok my friend your wife said it best "you do not have a choice" you've gotta do this man, just go with as best you can some days you will succeed others will, plain and simple, SUCK, however stay focused, do not be hard on yourself, and always remember there are those around you who love you and they want to help in any way that they can, let them, you will be the helper one day, stick with this group of ours because there will be someone new here tomorrow and you are ahead of them, so you will be an asset to others and I believe that is you anyways, allright brother, nose to the grindstone, don't look back, always forward, accept the bad days but be wise and come out fightin'. Hang in there my friend.
Lenny

These feelings are so normal....you would have to be nuts not to be scared!
You can do this Steve...Lenny got it right..won`t be long till you are the one giving advice to others.

onward and upward.....here`s to better days!
Marica

Steve - I was extremely scared and nervous when my husband first started treatments on 2/6/06 and obviously he was as well. I had crying spells, panicked, worried, the whole bit. I must say, about 3 weeks into the process, as we were going about the daily routine, I realized that the nervousness had calmed down as we faced each issue as it arose. Believe it or not, it was good to have to go everyday for treatment - it made the time seem to go faster, although the weekends were a much needed break. And now, here we are, my husband's last radiation treatment is tomorrow! And looking back, although my husband had issues to deal with, mainly nausea, things were not near as bad as I had built up in my mind before we got started. Here's hoping time passes quickly for you with minimal ill effects! Sounds like you are good at facing challenges. Good luck!
Michele