Please know there are many members of the OCF family that are praying for both you and your husband. Try and remember the many good times you had. Memories can help you cope with what all of us will face one day. You are a loving caretaker, It comes through in your posting's.

Best Wishes, Dan

Thank you, Dan, and everyone else. I have really needed the support you have given me here. Scott always asks what all of you have to say about things; he really has taken comfort in knowing that I have found a place to vent my frustrations and fears and to also get helpful advice and information.

We are finishing up legal business and talking about his final wishes. Those have been hard conversations. Today we got Hospice set up and tomorrow we are seeing a lawyer about little things that need tweaking. That will be a huge relief. We just want to hang out and enjoy being together. My oldest daugher comes home for spring break and that means the four of us will get to spend a whole week together. I am so thankful for that.

I just hope whenever Scott's time is up that he goes peacefully. The whole business with carotid artery rupture is very scary. All of your prayers are certainly a comforting thought.

Christine

Hello Christine,

I hav been silently watching your postings and have felt helpless in assisting. I want to say I'm here if you need anything.

I also want to share some thing with you and Scott. When I was just diagnosed and really not sure I was going to survive (Even after 3 years of survival, I am not certain), I was bothered a great deal by the reality that I couldn't possibly relate all my feelings and thoughts to my children (or my wife for that matter) in a long lasting meaningful way. I settled my mind by deciding to video tape myself talking and sharing my thoughts with them on tape for them to watch after I was gone. I even thought it might be neat to make a tape for each birthday so that I could be there at least in that small way. I can't imagine a better way to be a part of their life and provide support in their grief as well. I hope this might help and I wish there were more I could do.

Take care

Hi Christine, I know we as outsiders cannot offer you any help at this stage. A statement which has always been in my mind ever since my diagnosis is that life is not measured by its length, but by its breadth and depth. I don't know how long I can live, just as how Mark feels even when we have survived a couple of years. I look back at what I did in the past and what I have now.I learn to count my blessings and feel grateful. This gives me much comfort when I am aware that I have a very caring husband, two lovable sons, have students who are now doctors, lawyers, professors..Many cancer patients have to fight their battle alone with a very difficult financial situation. It is indeed a great blessing to your husband having such a supportive and caring wife. No one knows when his life comes to an end and I am sure you are on the right track preparing what may come next.

Karen stage 4 tonsil cancer diagnosed in 9/01.

You know, the truly great thing I can say about this is that Scott and I have no regrets.

We have honestly crammed so much living into the time we've had together. We started dating in 2002, then bought a house and got married in 2003! (It was a few months later that he stopped smoking and a month after that that the cancer was discovered.)

Since our very first day, we've made the most of all of our time together. He wined me and dined me from day one. He courted me with love notes and we enjoyed going hiking and fly fishing as much as going to jazz concerts. Immediately we became a family, because my teenage daughters, who generally did not care to be around men (they have a noninterested father), absolutely loved Scott from the moment they met him. I was astounded. THEY started planning family game nights and I had to wait my turn to sit beside Scott! And he has taught us so much about life. It's incredible. Our whole relationship has felt so right from the start; I know with no doubts whatsoever that we were meant to be. I know a lot of people pooh pooh that kind of thing for sounding sappy, but I'm here to tell you that true and meaningful love does exist and is intended to prepare us for things to come.

We have never wondered why Scott came into our lives "just in time" to get cancer...my girls and I know that he needs us now more than at any other time in his life. Yes, it is unfair and I'm disappointed and still angry that we don't get more time together, but I also know that I would not want him going through this cancer alone or with someone who didn't care so much about him.

Thank you all for allowing me to share our story here. It means so much to me.

Christine