Manid, sending you and the boys HUGE HUGS!!!!! I hav been offline for a bit while we coped with the holiday, doctor appts & treatment plans. I hope the intervention did some good but no matter, you have taken positive steps for you and the boys. You cannot change your husband, you cannot stop his drinking - he is the only one that can do that.

Hang in there and keep us updated. There are obviously a LOT of people here who care what happens to you and your family!

Dear All,

First, thank you for your concern. I know it is very hard to support someone else while dealing with this disease. You are each special people that I pray for every night.

Dennis promised the world after his intervention...but did the usual song and dance....played us all on everything....and then fell right back into his old routines.

Shane and Cole are tired....so am I. Don't get me wrong, they love the "sober" Dad as much as I do. Unfortunately, that personality doesn't appear very often anymore. That's saved for his job.

If I "rock the boat" and identify his drinking problem, at all, then I'm in for a fight. And the boys suffer from his attitude.

Why are men like this

Mandi

The correct phrase is why are "people" like this. My second wife was an unreformable alcoholic, and it eventually after years of joint counseling etc. got to the part where I just had to get out of Dodge City. We divorced and it was painful. But don't think that alcoholism has a preference to men or women as your last sentence would indicate... it's an equal opportunity deal, not exclusive to men. He obviously hasn't hit rock bottom yet. The only thing you can change now is you and your situation. The ball is really in your court not his.

You are so right Brian.....once the send button was pushed, I realized where I was wrong.

I'm sorry, I was only thinking in the present tense.

This is not at all a gender observation. Only one that I've lost sight of..Dennis is male, my husband, and I don't have a clue how to wake him up the life around his family.

Mandi

Hi Mandi,
I am sorry to hear about Dennis's relapse. As you have found out - intervention without a committment to the program is a short lived deal. I too had an alcoholic wife who was unreformable and is still out there. Alcoholism doesn't care about gender, social status, race or age. That situation with my ex shortened my life as I am sure that your situation is shortening yours.

I would get tough on it at this point - restraining order, supervised visits, legal separation, etc. Its the only option you have left (based on your remark "but did the usual song and dance....played us all on everything" I take it that this has happened several times already). It may help him finally hit a bottom. Staying with him is rescuing and enabling behavior. At this point you must realize that YOU are the one with the problem - not him -as bizarre as that may seem.

Alcoholism is a cunning baffling and powerful disease. It says in the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous that "The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others".

There are a few things that you need to test him on if he makes more promises:
1. He has to be willing to go to any lengths to find recovery. He also needs to be honest and openminded.
2. He has to go regular AA meetings. If he drank every day he should be attending AA everyday and more than 1 meeting a day in the beginning.
3. He needs to find a sponsor and be accountable to that person (has to be a male). Preferably someone with some serious recovery and has worked all the steps.
4. He may need to go into a 30 day "spin dry" program (and maybe even a 3 day detox before that). He may need a residential halfway house program after that.
5. He needs to work the 12 steps. Alcoholism is merely a SYMPTOM of the disease. The steps will allow him to focus on the root cause.
6. He needs to buy a Big Book and read it.
The program is a lifetime journey. One never "graduates"