Neil,
I, like Brian, was Stage IV, base of tongue and 3 neck nodes and was treated at MDACC. I am doing fine after 2 years. Who knows what the future holds? The bottom line is that I am enjoying life now.

Candace,
Welcome to the board. I really appreciate your intelligent,informative and objective approach to the situation, not to mention your writing skills and vocabulary. The "everything happens for a reason" scenario is total nonsense to me. I don't want to get into a religious debate here, but I find it refreshing to hear from someone who applies her mind rather than blind faith to the situation that your brother and many of us on this board face.

Danny G.

Neil,

Welcome to the forum. That was one of the first questions I asked. (HOW LONG) The problem is no one knows. Everything Gary and Mark said is true, Live each day the best you can!!
Who knows when the bus will hit you. The hardest part for me is to not focus on the end and what it will be like. But rther focus on each day I have and enjoy my family and friends as much as I can.

Candace,

Welcome to the club nobody wants to join! Bet you heard that one before! I like your no none sense approach to the causes and treatment of this diaease.
It is refreshing. I love a realist and an honest one at that
The longer you lurk the better you get to know so many different members. Every time we lose a member to this bastard of a diaease it is another piece of me gone. Thats how much I've
grown to love the OCF and it's members.

Best Wishes, Your Friend, Danny Boy

The statistics I found, either at the NCI or ACS site (don't remember) show the following survival rates for head and neck cancers:

1 yr = 81%
5 yr = 56%
10 yr = 41%

On an individual level, these figures don't mean jack sh$#. Only in large populations do statistics become significant. I had stage IV disease with node involvement, yet my docs gave me a 70-75% shot at 5 year disease-free survival. I'm over 8 months post treatment and my check up last month was all good news. While the experience has certainly rubbed my nose in my own mortality; emotionally, every night I still expect to wake up tomarrow and press on with life.

-Brett

Neil and Candace, Welcome to the site. If you both have been "lurking", you have already gotten a chance to experience some of the benefits of the site, and that's a good thing.
Neil: We in South Florida had a very poor labor day weekend, thanks to a visit by Frances, right after her friend, Charlie had been by and now we have her other friend, Ivan to look forward to on this coming weekend so it should be less than fun also. However, that's enough crying about the weather. I had a stage IV tonsil cancer with mets to the lymph nodes and have survived so far (only 6 months since surgery). My treatment was tonsilectomy, chemo/rad, then surgery. By the time the surgery occurred, the tumor in the lymph node was so reduced in size, I only needed a modified right neck dissection instead of a major surgery including jaw removal and loss of use of arm which is what was once done according to my team. So whatever they tell your family member, the Anderson guys know what they are doing, so be as supportive as possible and he/she will make out as well as can be hoped given the team there.
Candace: Sorry about your brother. My cancer was in my tonsil, which is a little different than his, but the treatments are similar. Please remember that a lot of survivors of this disease don't read or contribute to sites like this as they are too busy living their lives and often don't contribute. At least, that is my unsubstantiated opinion. As far as risk factors and "God's that determine who lives and who dies" goes, I can say that I had many risk factors including smoking, drinking, lack of rest, and others, and yet I have been allowed to survive to this point and plan on checking out in 30 to 40 years, when it is my time. I have maintained a positive attitude during this disease and treatment primarily through my belief in a supreme being which allows me to concentrate on the details while He takes care of the plan for me. This is very positive for me and has helped me through some very rough spots. I understand you learning more about this nasty disease than you ever wanted to know, I think we all have. Meanwhile, I will pray for both of your family members and that each of you will be able to support them as much as possible.

I think everyone here has replied well to this post and there is little that I can add. I did put up some new pages last week related to statistics, getting a second opinion, and staging and survival, they and the links to them can be found at http://www.oralcancerfoundation.org/facts/stages_cancer.htm
One thing is certain though, and that is life doesn't come with guarantees, absolutes, or warrantees.

Whether my days are good or bad, whether I'm feeling physically well or poor, whether I have just accomplished something that has taken a year to put together like the Paltrow TV spot that I filmed at Showtime/Sony yesterday and I'm feeling like I made some real progress, or I come home to a horrible phone call from a friend who will not make it, I TRY, each day to live in that moment, to enjoy the successes however small, to learn from the emotional and physical pains my own or those of others, and to relish that I am still here, doing something that I feel is important... privileged to share the love of many good friends, the companionship of interesting and knowledgeable people, and the satisfaction that the day has not been wasted. Be they 100 or 1000 days left in my future, the important thing is to live them fully without compromise in an endeavor that is worthy of the time that I have, with people I love. In the end the numbers and statistics mean nothing.

Brian, very well said and inspiring too. I have long thrown away the issue of statistics and survival. Believe it or not, ever since my diagnosis I have never asked my doctor how long I can live although I am also concerned about it. But who knows?

Karen.

You know what guys ...you could get run over by a bus tomorrow...ya just dont know. Lets just get on with living.

Take care and watch out for buses...
Marica

Marica,

You're right. Soon after I finished my cancer treatment I was crossing a street (within a crosswalk) in downtown Boston. If you know about Boston drivers, you know that's a hazardous move. I had a near miss with an impatient driver who almost ran me over, and I realized at that moment that my risk of being a pedestrian fatality in this city was probably greater than dying from cancer.

Cathy

Hey Cathy..glad he missed you..stay nimble!

Take Care
Marica

Snoopy,I'm so sorry to hear of your relative's diagnosis.Thirteen months ago I also was given a Stage IV diagnosis,base of toungue-tonsil cancer,mets to left side lymph nodes[1 at 4cm.+3 others smaller].Before and during treatment I did not really expect to survive.In fact this site was my only thin strand of hope on the days I felt well enough to check in.Thank you all so much! But I'm still here and my checkups are great[no cancer].I'm getting to the point that my cancer is not a foucul point-my life is full of kids,grandkid,cats ,dogs and soon school because I plan on living.IT was not a death sentence!ENcourage your kin and be there to hold hands when treatment gets rough find out what you and the drs.think is the best treatment[I had chemo altho my radioligst thougt I might not need it after my chemo dr suggested it]Be proactive and hold on........you are in my prayers,Sue