Hi Bhavna,

It's good to hear from you again but I am so sorry that you have this news to deal with. You didn't tell us if you said yes to the proposal but I am guessing that you did.

I am glad that OV is speaking to a counselor and I would strongly urge you to do the same. I know I waited too long to do that thinking what was there to say. When I finally went I couldn't shut up and I was still venting as I was being ushered out of the office. There's so many thoughts that go through your mind at times like this and speaking to an objective professional helps to clarify your thinking.

None of us understands how any of this works or why it is happening to us. It's not fair, but that's part of life. We live with hopes, joys, fears, anger, and with cancer -uncertainty. I think you are doing a wonderful job in supporting OV and being an advocate for his care. You are pushing him when he needs it and communicating with the medical team on what is really going on.

In spite of everything, you are still wishing all of us a Merry Christmas, which tells me you have the capacity to look beyond yourself and care about others. Hang on to that connection to get you through the coming months. I sincerely hope that the treatments will work for OV, despite the side effects that it will bring. It sounds like the doctors are trying to be very realistic and honest with you - and that is a good thing.

My thoughts and hopes are with you both and here's wishing for a better year ahead in 2007.

Regards JoAnne

Dear Bhavna, JoAnna pretty much summed it up- just remember that you both have many people pulling for you to deal with this the best you can. Amy

Thank you to all of you and for your support and advice. Sorry about the venting, it was just difficult to deal with the news at first, but I have pulled myself together and I am learning how to cope with it better. I am going for counselling this Sunday, and yes I did say yes to my boyfriend's proposal. Through this journey, no matter where it takes us, I will never give up on the most beautiful person I have ever met. Forever and always I will be there for him to support and love him, and hopefully he can fight this and be here because there are so many things left that he would like to do.

As for all of you, you have been my strength through all of this, all your support, advice, and prayers just help me to get through. You are all so wonderful, even though I haven't met you all personally, I really appreicate the time that you take to help both me and OV through this. Merry Christmas, happy new year and may you all be healthy, happy and with loved ones always. I hope that my boyfriend and all of you do get through all of this and god bless you all.

Take care!!

Hello everyone, it has been a while since my last post. I hope all of you are keeping well, and having a good new year.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007 is the last day of my fiance's treatment. Which feels good to know that he won't have to go back and forth so much to the hospital, and he can finally rest. But even though it feels like a relief that he will be done, all of me feels worried about what the doctors will say about his condition.

Last night we were chatting and he said to me that the last time the doctors spoke with him about the three new tumors that they found, they said that they didn't think he was going to make it, but that they would increase his dosages and do what they can. Has anyone else had this said to them and beat the odds? I can't lie, I am terrified, and after our conversation, I can't help but feel really down and worried about how much time we have left together. I love him so much, cancer has really taken a toll on him but it doesn't change me or how I feel for him. 9 years together this year and I want to continue growing together, I just keep wondering if we will get the chance. I look at him and I ask him what he thinks or how he feels, and he is positive that he can beat this, and that just gives me strength to keep on fighting with him.

The tumors he has have shrunk, one by his jaw bone, one by his adams apple, and one beside his nasal passage. The two I can see is the one on his jaw bone and the one by his adams apple. They have shrunk a lot, but I still see a little lump there. I am just wondering if within two days it is possible to get rid of these tumors. All I do is keep praying for a miracle. I want the best for him, and if I could be a little selfish, I just want to be around him as much as possible.

When I talk to others around me who haven't been through anything like this, they say that everyone has to go sometime and that I should prepare myself if necessary. It hurts to hear that, even if it is true I just can't bear that thought. I know this can happen to anyone, and learning how to deal with it is a part of life. But it just feels so unfair, we just kept saving our money and waiting for the right moment to be together, not knowing that this would change everything. We never got a chance to do half of the things we wanted to do together, and I only want to do those things with him.

He is not much for forums, but I know that through this whole battle, all of you have been a part of that strength I needed to get by and I thank you for all your kind words of encouragement, your prayers and support. My fiance and I just want to say thank you and god bless you all. I hope you all beat the odds and enjoy your life with your loved ones.

I'm terrified and just continously hoping and praying for that one miracle that can save his life. I hope for that same miracle for all of you. God bless, take care.

Dear Bhavna, What you are going thru is lousy. Advice, suggestions, whether you agree or not does not change how you both feel. How does one PREPARE for the worst.We are all different emotionally, my hope for both of you is to respect each others emotions as at times they can be different.I can't offer anything that will make you feel better but my biggest mistake when my wife passed was that she was always holding out for hope while I was the realist. The true miracle is how you GROW Together from here. Take some time and take that trip you always wanted, and deal with all this crap later.People have lived a long time with what DR's describe as incurable cancer. My heart reaches out to you both hoping you find some comfort thru this very difficult time.

you have one of the most eloquent ways of writing on this forum. What an amazing woman you are. I cannot even try to understand what you are going through right now with that kind of news, I do know what a toll the caretaking process can be, and you have to, I MEAN HAVE TO take care of yourself too. It is a wonderful attribute to be so giving and loving, but our bodies were not meant to be deprived in the process. Make sure your eating well, stopping to take a bath with candles, even having a sip of wine, because you are fighting for HIS life right now. Whatever good that does come from this illness will be up to you (and allowing God to be a part of)to make happen. There are too many things that I took for granted prior to this disease, especially my relationship with my husband. I dont think that I ever have loved my husband like I love him now. (After 16 years) I also had to look at some really hard aspects of my life, and realize how small they were in comparison to this disease. I dont know you personally, but you are amazing in your wisdom and you bless me with your heartfelt postings.
Love and Prayers
Jennie

I wish I had something to say to make you feel better. Just know that you are both in my prayers, everyday.

God Bless.

Amy

Bhavna,

My heart aches for you two. There are miracles that happen everyday. There are folks walking around today that were told they wouldn't be.

I know it hurts when folks say things like everyone has to go sometime. No one can possibly begin to feel what you are going through.

Hold your fiance' everyday that you can. That may be a couple of months of many years, only the lord knows how long that will be, but hold him.

Bhavna,

The rad will continue to work in his body for weeks past the last Tx so lets hope that it kills whatever cancer is remaining.

Please do not give up now. Remain as strong as you can as long as you can.

Hello everyone, thank you for all your kind words of encouragement. Last Tuesday, I went with my fiance to see two of his doctors - one for his chemotheraphy, and the other was for radiotheraphy. Tuesday was the last day for both, and according to the doctor who does chemotheraphy for my fiance, she thought it was best to discontinue the last two treatments because she thought that his condition and the amount of the dosages would make no difference. At first I was thinking if she was right, but I looked over at my fiance and saw how tired, weak and just sick he was, and I knew that she was saying the right thing. Nevertheless - I can't give up hope just yet. Then we went to his last session of radiation, and we were both excited for this part to be done. In fact, I told him that when he is completely done, I would take a day off from work and we would just celebrate the entire day together, and I did just that. But after the radiation session was over, we had to go and see his radiologist. I never expect to hear anything positive or negative, no expectations - just the truth, because from there it is easier to know what to do next. The radiologist made it clear that the tumors inside my fiance would definately come back and kill him, and that they have no way of saving his life. No more suregery because they have already done enough extensive surgery on him, no more radiation or chemo because both has done a lot of damage, including damaging his new tongue and his ability to speak.

I was so upset when they told us this, I mean it was the truth, but sometimes the truth just hurts. So like always, I am here trying to be this tough girl by his side, and I couldn't help it but just cry. But after that day, I thought about everything - everything me and my fiance have shared up to this point and everything everyone has said to me, including all the advice and words of encouragement from you all. I went back and forth with thoughts of is this really it? I mean can I really sit here and accept that? Sometimes we all have to face things in life that we never expect to face, and sometimes even when we have to face it, we find a way to conqure it. Me and my fiance have had a lot of ups and downs, not with each other - with trying to make it through this life together - and if I tried to explain that story it would take forever. But no matter what the struggle has been, we make the most out of what we have and we find a way to get happiness from it.

Well the next day, I was off from work and happy that I was going to be able to spend time with him. At his house, I was looking around at everything and thinking to myself that I have to do something, I can't give up hope - I won't give up hope that he is going to be ok. I have had people tell me to learn how to accept the circumstances and that one day I will move on, but call me crazy or anything else, I refuse to beleive that this is the way it is going to be. For 8 years he has been my strength when I was down, my joy and my best friend. So that day off together, I gave him a massage, drew him a bath, made sure he ate and took his meds, and made him laugh and relax for the entire day. And you know what, he said that was one of the best days he had - and that just pushed me even harder to help him fight this.

I know how I feel inside right now, and some people might read this and feel sorry for me that I am not getting the message or something. But no matter what anyone thinks or says, I love my fiance and I can't give up on him, I won't. In six weeks the doctors said they would do an MRI to see where the existing tumors are, and give us a prognosis from there. But you know what, things aren't physically in my hands - the only thing I can do for him is be his strength, joy and best friend and I can also pray, pray really hard for a miracle to happen.

So I guess this post is all about letting you all know not to ever give up, and to stay strong. May God bless all of you, you are all in my prayers and thank you all again for everything.

I don't know all of you personally, nor have I ever seen you, but for the time I have been posting on this site, you all have given me a lot of hope. For anyone who reads this, I just have a request - if you could just say one prayer for him - his name is Oudom Vong - surgery done on October 31, 2006 - prognosis in six weeks. If you have a moment, if you could just say a prayer for a miracle to save his life. People say two heads are better than one, I also believe that the many hands that join together in prayer can help to make a difference. For those of you who do read this, thank you for taking the time.