#19999 03-29-2006 11:55 PM | Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 122 Gold Member (100+ posts) | Gold Member (100+ posts) Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 122 | Hilary,
I am at a loss for words. We are always here, don't hesitate for a minute to return and allow us to help you heal in any way we can.
Sincerely, Lisa
SCC Tongue T1N0M0\Dx 3-10-03 Hemiglossectomy, alloderm graft, modified neck dissectomy 4-14-03 3 Year Survivor!
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#20000 03-30-2006 06:27 PM | Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 7 Member | OP Member Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 7 | Thank you all for all your words, which help more than you probably think. Because they are in writing, they are there for me to read and re-read and have a certain realness and permanence at a time when everything else seems as unreal and impermanent as a dream. At the same time, being able to write back to all of you gives me a chance to organize my thoughts and express my feelings in a way that helps me process all of this.
Our friends have all been pouring through the house during the afternoon and evening, to pay condolence calls and give me their company and bring food. I talk and talk and talk and often even forget that I'm not at a party, like so many other parties we gave together as a couple. On some of our friends' faces, I see the same disbelief that I feel and they shake their heads and have no words for me. Others, are starting to look sad, which means they have started to accept the fact that this is real and he is not coming back.
I know I'm stuck somewhere in the land of denial, but I feel like something, the end of denial? is coming. I feel it. And it scares me because I'm know that once the denial part gone, it'll be gone for good and I'll be completely unprotected and will have to actually feel the full brunt force of this.
My girls are doing okay, I think. Julie and I can talk and we seem to be traveling a relatively similar path. Lena doesn't really talk about any of it. She seems more upbeat and outgoing than usual, in fact much, much more outgoing than usual. I hardly recognize her. I'm not really sure what it all means.
But, we are surrounded by friends and family. We are definitely not alone, for now. We are making it through each day. I guess I should be grateful for that, for now.
Thanks again for listening,
Hillary | | |
#20001 03-30-2006 07:42 PM | Joined: Jun 2004 Posts: 155 Senior Member (100+ posts) | Senior Member (100+ posts) Joined: Jun 2004 Posts: 155 | Hillary HUGS and more HUGS I went through a shocking loss this weekend and though it was not related to cancer one of the first places I came was to this community. While we are all over the world and most have not met face to face I found over the last two years that this is a genuine place of compassion and support. You are so very welcome to stay as long as you ever need and there is always someone here to answer. Even if you go away you can always come back. If you want come to the green fields and lilacs thread and visit anytime you want and say anything about anything you care to say. Peace and prayers Denise
Caregiver Husband Bob SCC tongue t2nomo Partial Glosectomy/neck disection 6/04 rad ending 9/23/04 Osteoradio-necrosis of the Mandible (ONJ) DX 6/09 Surgery 7/2/09 mandible resection/ several teeth extracted/ neck dissection NO FLAP and aggressive antibiotic therapy.
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#20002 03-31-2006 04:06 PM | Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,676 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,676 | Hillary, we just arrived home, so my thoughts and prayers for you and the girls, belated as they are, go out to you. I'm so sorry. Amy
CGtoJohn:SCC Flr of Mouth.Dx 3\05. Surg.4\05.T3NOMO.IMRTx30. Recur Dx 1\06.Surg 2\06. Chemo: 4 Cycles of Carbo\Taxol:on Erbitux for 7 mo. Lost our battle 2-23-07- But not the will to fight this disease
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