Hi, My husband had cancer of the tonsil, had surgery, rad and chemo. His Dr says he is currently cancer free. People ask us all the time, does he have cancer? is he in remission? His dr doesn't use the word remission with oral cancer, he said that pertains usually to cancers of the blood etc. My friend is a breast cancer survivor and she calls herself cancer free. The Dr. said when he cut the cancer out he was considered cancer free. Remission tends to make people think, cancer free until it returns. He said Dan's may never return. (hopeful thinking)
Sure he has a higher chance of it recurring, but he should not be saying " I have cancer" It would be I had cancer and beat it.
Anyone else get questions like this?
Thanks

Hi, This is a good question, I have the same problem. Since I have been in treatment for so long people believe I have Cancer and then they see me healthy and active and look puzzled. I say I had Cancer, I do not now.I like the people who say, " Is the Cancer gone?" so I can say yes! I have never heard anyone say remission for Oral Cancer, but I could be wrong. What is the right answer?

I answer is usually, Who Knows ? which usually stops people dead in their tracks, after all Packers reoccurances, it`s like Yeh, we got negative margins, but who knows whats lurking somewhere. And I also get a superstious, saying we`re cancer free, But that`s just good old me, who tends to think our honest answer is Who Know ?

Dee, I am the same way, Dan says he is cancer free, my answer is usually:
"As of his last Dr appt he was cancer free"
I NEVER say otherwise because I am so darn superstitious.
I was just really curious what people ask and say etc.
Dan is just now aware of people giving him a double take but never ever ask questions.
He had a radical dissection. His Mom always says his face and neck are puffy on his left side. He always has to remind her that he has no left side of the neck, so of course the other side looks bigger.

Ah superstitious, I always thought I couldn't be it if I couldn't spell it. But, I've gotten that way now. It is a good question that I don't think anyone has a definite answer to. Mostly I just agree with people or tell them I am doing well.
I realy believe some people get very nervous talking about or being around cancer patients.

I noticed when I first started chemo, people in the waiting room had no reservations about asking what form of cancer someone had. I was very taken aback at first, then realized I think that people in waiting rooms form their own little support and information group. Everyone there was obviously there for cancer, not like a ENT waiting room. It is surprising the number of people that socialize with each other. I had never seen that in a regular doctor's waiting room.

Just my thoughts and an impression you guys reminded me of.
Dinah

Truly NO one knows if they are cancer "free" at any time.

The only thing we can be resonably sure of is when we have a diagnosis of cancer because it is seen.

I usually respond with "as far as my Dr. knows" "my Dr. thinks so" or "I sure hope so". when asked these questions. I think that conveys some of the stress/joy we live with.

I don't like to be too optimistic either, just in case I need their support again.

Finally, I think we need to talk about all this superstition! I still have a 2 1/2 year old stack of thank-you notes that I cannot bring myself to mail! I do not dare to tell them anything like "cured" it's like asking the Fates to jump in and mess me up again. Emily Post is spinning right now because of it.

Well, if you want to talk about our superstitions, I have special jewelery, I have to wear when we fly to Boston, nor will I get on the plane without my Angel Flight bear, who rides in the cockpit with me.........Packer has a tiedyed teddy bear, named Mellow, who has been through all his surgeries with him, he`s even a little bloodstained........After one surgery, he forgot to bring him home, so I had to track down social services to rescue mellow............I figure, if we believe these things help, then let us have Teddy Bears, and hang on to those thankyou notes..........Dee

I get the same question all the time myself. It seems everone is curious.

Superstition would imply that you have fear for your future (which is not yours anyway).

Why not just say "I am cancer free today"?

Well, quite honestly, I have a fear of the future, I`d be liar, if I said I didn`t, nor can I say, Frank is cancer free today, even if this new tumor hadn`t developed, I have no idea whats lurking in his body. As far as our superstitions, if we think they help us, what`s the harm ? Again, I tend to be brutally honest. I am very aware that we actually only have this moment in time, and I try to remember that. And I stopped a long time ago, trying to sugarcoat this crap to make anyone else feel good.I hope this doesn`t come across to strongly, but sometimes my Evil Twin comes out and mouths off ! Dee

Hi, I have to think Cancer free, its how I survive. If it comes back a couple of months from now, I will do what I have to to get rid of it and then I will think again Cancer free! When you think about it there are a lot of people out there who have Cancer and other health problems and they do not even have a clue they have them, we , because of our situation have usually had full or partial body scans, EKG's, blood pressure monitoring, and much more, so we probably know more about the state of our health than your average Joe, and their asking us???

Since I am in AA, they have taught us to stay in the "now". It has saved me a lot of uneccessary insanity, which I certainly can't do anything about anyway. And if I let fear take over how does that benefit me? Does it strengthen my immune system - no, does it cure the cancer - no. Fear is like throwing a boulder in the water -it'll send out ripples that will affect everyone around us. I have had to learn the hard that when I let my fears get out of control, my wife really has a hard time.

I am not trying to sugarcoat anything. I am realist, I know the numbers and statistics. I've been to my fair share of funerals. I know that some of you out there are struggling mightily and fighting the good fight. My mother had many bouts with serious forms of cancer, and died cancer free of a heart attack. My dad had a weak heart and died of cancer (Dx'd 2 months before he died -non Hodgkins lymphoma). And who does know what's lurking? People die every day of plane crashes, accidents, etc. So we really don't know the future and I would hate to give up my present for it.

My training as a "people helper"/counselor tells me I have to give people hope whenever I can.

As far as superstition goes, if that's your belief system, I respect that. This country was founded on the premise that you have the right to believe in whatever you choose.

And what does "cancer free" mean anyway? 80% of men are going to have prostate cancer if they live past 80. This slow growing cancer does not require treatment, most men live just fine with it (and outlive it) and only if it leaves the prostate capsule does it require medical intervention.

And to the original post, I feel strange saying "I beat the cancer". I didn't beat anything. If fact the treatment beat me up pretty good. The radiation and the chemo beat the cancer. My job was to do my best to recover from the treatment. This is just own personal opinion and I am trying to sell this idea to anyone.

I like "cancer free" though because it implies hope which is all that some of us have.