I keep a google search going for any news on tongue cancer and this article popped up today. It's about a 79 year old guy who went through all the hassle of having surgery for base of tongue cancer but then refuses radiation and decides he hates his PEG so much that he now just has quit eating and is waiting to die.
At least that what it sounds like in the article, since he got off the PEG and could swallow some pureed food but then when that got difficult, instead of getting a PEG replacement, he's decided not to eat at all.
Dying of cancer, refuses to eat
I thought I was stubborn about not wanting a PEG but this is pretty extreme. I don't think he will be joining the forum.
Charm

This guy doesn't sound too happy but I suppose we each have to make our own decisions. Maybe he just doesn't have enough of a "why" to live or the right kind of support. Or be lucky enough to have found OCF.

Meanwhile his wife is baking cookies for his funeral!

No, no, the cookies was a joke! From what we know from the article I don't think this is a sad man at all. He has made the most of his life and is taking control to the end. Though I think his wife would really benefit from this forum in the future. Sally

I know, he made a joke about his wife baking cookies for his funeral. He seemed intent on making jokes everywhere which seems to me a defense mechanism for hiding the sadness and fear of taking control and trying to do something to help himself survive. His "control" is deciding on a slow death by refusing to eat. Sounds like slow suicide to me. I'm only a caregiver, so I could be wrong and if I were in the same situation, maybe I would do the same thing. And maybe suicide is an alternative and ok for some. I just know that when my son was experiencing his most difficult, darkest days of Tx, he seemed to have given up, not wanting to eat, drink, or cooperate in any way. He sat on the couch with his head in his hands, and it looked to me like he was giving up. I remembered what someone on OCF said to me about my "difficult patient" and that I should put my "nurse from Hell hat on". So I did. I flipped out and said to Paul; "Listen, I am doing everything I can to help you survive, and I can't do this alone!! You've GOT to help me a little here!" I added that if he didn't start eating right away, I was going to get his sister (police officer with a gun) to come help me put him in the car and take him to the hospital to get a feeding tube put in him. He started eating. So thank you, OCF.

It's sad when anyone decides life is not worth living. I feel for the wife in this scenario although perhaps it is a blessing in disguise as he is making this choice despite her wishes.
Charm

Each of us defines for him/herself what quality of life is, what we need to continue to welcome each day. I would imagine that he is sad to leave his loved ones, but I admire his strength in making the decision that is right for him. Mr. Behr appears to be living "right into death." I hope that I can do the same. Scott Nearing, who was a leader in the self-sufficiency and simple living movement ~ going back to the 1940's, I believe ~ chose starvation to complete his life, and it was not a painful way to die.

Zenda reading your info - your a trooper!!! And I hope you never have to make such a decision. Hugs!

It seems to me more like he's controlling his own destiny....he's almost 80 years old, he's seen a lot, done a lot...accomplished a lot...there comes a time for many people when they just don't feel like fighting huge battles anymore. When I asked my mom if she was scared of dying, she said "honey, there are many things way worse than death"...she was about the same age.

p

Phrannie

I don't disagree now that I read his obituary (which he wrote himself) about his disability, his battle with alcoholism, his faith. Fritz B met his destiny on December 16th of this year when he died at home, 19 days after that newspaper article was published. So he went 55 days or about two months without eating. As that article noted, he had already had a lot of tragedy in his life when one of his two sons died of alcoholism and AIDS at age 30 while Fritz B was holding his hand.
He ended his obituary with this summary of his life
[quote]Then I consider my life to have been worthwhile and a success. I enjoyed it. It was a "blast[/quote]
But I don't think older people who do take treatment and PEGs are afraid of death, rather they have more reasons to want to live than Fritz B had. There is nothing wrong with a 79 year old man deciding he wants to eat and if he can't , then he would prefer to die, but I still think it is an indication of being stubborn.
Charm

I hope I have the courage and grace to go like he did. I also hope that I can show the same strength and respect his wife did in supporting a loved one's choices.

I found his acceptance of his situation inspiring and not at all sad.