Kim: Welcome to the site and sorry you are having the problems you are with your father. I have to agree with rosie, it is time for dad to get of his butt and get on with life. If he wants to pull the covers over his head and curl up into a little ball, don't let him take you with him. Have him read some of the stories on this site from some of those who have had two or three different bouts with cancer, or folks like rosie and others who have lost there loved one's to this disease, then he may not feel like he has it so bad. You also may want to take him to church. It sounds like he has no belief system to fall back on. Is this what his Lord would want him to do with the extra time He has given you father? Can you dad not think of some positive contribution he can make to his children if to no one else. Is this a good fatherly example? He needs to get his act together and have faith that God has more work for him to do here on this earth. Good luck. Hope things work out for you. Please keep us posted. Maybe we can think of some other positive help for your family.

Kim,

I just have to add a little bit here, hoping to not offend anyone. We are all warriors in this battle. We have seen people we are close to suffer, struggle, suffer more and eventually lose the battle. We all shed a tear with every bit of news...tears of joy for the good news, tears of sadness for the bad news. Each and every one of us would almost kill to be in the spot your dad is...2 years cancer free! We don't mean to belittle him but we all would, I'm sure, like to give him a little kick in the behind to remind him how fortunate he is. If not for people like Rosie (Heather), Frank, Scott, Marcie, Danny Boy, Eric, Glen, Lynn, Miss Vickie, etc. (the list could go on and on...), we may decide to give up too. Just like your dad, though, some of us have survived or our loved ones have survived! Be blunt with him just like we are with you.

Ed

I had the same surgery your father had, although a bone from my leg was used to replace my left lower jaw. It's a tough experience to come to terms with, especially the fact that it does change your looks and the way you "feel". I think your Dad is stuck in the process of grieving for his pre-cancer self, what he was before cancer and his life before cancer. It's such an easy thing to do to ourselves. I wonder if he has cried over this? I literally "said good-bye" to who I was before cancer. I'm not the same person and even though I miss her and feel like I experienced a death in my life.............the new me is living it up and making due with what the good Lord wants me to have. If he can get past that grieving process he will start to heal emotionally.
Good luck with it all.
Minnie

Thank you all so much for your replies. It's nice to hear that other people are going through the same things you are. I will speak to him about this, and hopefully turn him around. His brother is coming to visit him next week, and we're hoping it will cheer him up a bit. Thanks again.

Kim, This may be a little late advice, but I know that right after my surgery which was the removal of 2/3 of my tongue plus the lymph nodes in my neck, my doctor sent me to do some minor physical therapy. They worked on rotations in my neck and shoulders to help loosen them up for more movement and less pain. I only had to go 6 times, but there were enough exercises that really helped me. I don't have full range of motion, but I have a lot more than I did before the physical therapy.

Hope this helps!
kim