Without knowing the details and just reacting to your previous posts, it really sounds like your cancer will test positive for HPV and that will be a good thing, relatively speaking. See my Signature Line below which may be identical to what you have so as you said you need to "put your big boy britches on and fight like hell" and remember we will be with you 24/7.

JAM,

Wisdom comes with age...in my case it's a freak of nature and only applies to the advice I give others

Guilt comes with the territory, I understand it well even though I'm not Catholic. I'm partial to hot showers myself, they always get me ready to face whatever life seems to throw my way.

We are here for you, strength in numbers.

Eric

JAMOS -
If you haven't already done so, you have to stop the tobacco use BEFORE radiation therapy: I can point you at the studies that show that smoking reduces the effectiveness of the therapy. I know the timing is horrible, and that tobacco is terribly addictive, but this is one thing you DO have control over that can make a difference in your outcome.
If you have to carry cigarettes, tape them in a plastic bag, and tape pictures of your familie over that: maybe that will give you strenght. Also, discuss smoking cessation with your doctors - there are patches for that, too. Please, please, please try to do this.
On a more positive note, my husband's ear ache subsided a couple of weeks into therapy, so I am hoping you will get some relief soon.
Maria

Really bad past couple days. Finally broke down and called again about the pain meds. They are supposed to be trying to get me into a pain clinic locally. My treatment team is an hour and a half away, so dropping in to pick up a perscription is not an option. I hope they call back soon. I don't want to face another night of pain like last night. I'm seriously thinking of setting my clock to wake up and take meds in the middle of the night. The waking up after everything has wore off is unbearable. I understand that face on the pain chart beside a 10.

I fully intend to

I hope they get the pain under control soon - best wishes from Ohio. Let us know how you are doing.
Maria

Thoughts and prayers are with you. Where you are is the terrifying part. As soon as you start tx you get your warrior face on and just push through it. You have an amazing attitude and now, an amazing support group.
As far as guilt from the past. You have to let it go too because it doesn't change anything. Many of us understand that all too well also.
Blessings,
Kathy

[quote=JAMOS]I'm seriously thinking of setting my clock to wake up and take meds in the middle of the night. The waking up after everything has wore off is unbearable.[/quote]I was like that too. Along with other pain meds (Gab etc), I ended up taking TIME-RELEASED 12 hour Hydromorh at night so I could sleep.
Hard to believe they didn't suggest that in the beginning. I had to ask...but it made a big difference.

They got me on a patch. It worked great after i had it on for about 24hrs. woke up this morn with pain and took a loratab. need to go to work but i think i'm going to stay home and enjoy company and my daughter.
the diagnosis is sinking in. the reality of what i'm fixing to have to go through is getting real.
i've had so much support from family and friends and offers of help have come pouring in. i am a blessed man and i intend to fight this in that manner.

thanks for all the support from the OCF.
YOU people are the one who TRULY understand and give me HOPE.

putting my big boy britches on and preparing to face this day.

Jamos

Don't know what dosage your patch is. I'm assuming it's Fentanyl. I found that they only worked for me for 48 hours, not the 72. My doctors felt it was better to just change the patch every other day rather than increase the dosage.
Don't be bashful about demanding "big boy pain dosage".
Gritting your teeth and bearing up under pain seriously impacts (in a negative manner) your ability to win this fight unlike fights against a human opponent. Don't worry about the DEA propaganda on addiction, they just don't get that it's not enjoyable just ameliorative.
Focus on how your family needs you and you will get through this
Charm

We are right behind you! I knew you would get your battle face on! Great job!! It will be a battle and you will feel like crap, then before you know it, you're done!! Honestly. Just focus on the days one at a time and know this is your job now.
Apply for ss disability as soon as you can. You may never need it, but if you are approved and by some chance are home more than 6 months, you will have it to fall back on. Your social worker at your cc might be able to help with the logistics of it all.I think you said you had some disability? With family and friends helping you guys will make it through financially too. God will rain blessings down...seems he already is!
Blessings to you and your family,
Kathy