I've always been active, strong, able, and the weakness of cancer therapy/surgery has made me rely on others, to the point of immense guilt, and adds to the depression, so I lie abed or on the couch, until time to go to work.
I am blessed with still having a 40hr/wk job, where I take care of others, in a rest home/assisted living environment, and it's no longer "Them" & "us", as I am now one of "them", it's just all "Us".

My post-surgery is very visible, and being able to help everyone with their problems makes me feel good, and gives others reason to perk up too, as they see me doing what they can no longer do, and I'm not much younger than some, at 69 (in June).

Paul Im so glad you have found The Oral Cancer Foundation. I think it will be a big help to you knowing you are not alone in this. Recovery for many of us is not taking us back to 100% of who we were before we got sick. I have many lingering after effects, one being very disfigured. I dont let it stop me from living my life to the best of my ability. I am very fortunate to be still alive and I remember all the struggles I went thru to get to this point. What helps me stay positive is helping others. Its my reason to get up in the morning. Im sure your profession gives you that same sense of self worth. You are very lucky to still be healthy enough to work a full time job.

Ive found that people genuinely like to help others. Dont think of getting help as being weak. Everyone needs a hand once in a while. I learned to accept help when I got sick. Prior to that I had been overly independent. Its ok to need a hand sometimes, it does not make you weak to take someone's help. I hope you are able to pull out of your depression. Joining this forum should help you to feel a little better. Stick with us, we are a great group of people

Hi, Paul.

As a person who has battled with depression/anxiety since childhood, going through this cancer journey has been my biggest challenge and has absolutely exacerbated my formerly well-managed illness. I have very young children and I feel guilty as most days I am just so tired I often doze off on the couch. I have returned to work part-time in November in a similar environment to yours and at this point it takes me 3 days to recover from the exhaustion of 2 full days of work...which adds to my depression and guilt.

I'm hoping this vicious cycle breaks soon. Some days are better than others, but it's been a slow process. I am getting all of the help I need, but it's my time to get my life back in order and take some personal responsibility to take better care of myself so I can feel my best.

Stick around...I hear it gets better, perhaps not in our own time frame.

Be well,
Kerri

Paul and Kerri - It sounds like both of you have made tremendous strides towards your recovery. Just getting back to a 40/hr week job is an awesome accomplishment. And Kerri, just taking care of a young children is a full time job in itself! Plus returning to work part time! Neither of you should EVER feel any guilt when the need comes to take a nap!! While you are napping, your body is still working hard at continuing your recovery from what cancer did to your body. It's a slow process and you have to notice and celebrate the small positive steps towards recovery. Be kind and patient with your body in its work to repair itself. If you have to, whenever you take a nap, hang a sign out that says "SH-H-H, body is renewing energy". Kerri, if you can get your children to take a nap at the same time, then that's what you should be doing, too. Let the dishes and the dusting go - you will be a happier Mom when you wake up! JMO.

Welcome Paul!

Glad you found OCF, sorry you had to my friend!

I'll tell you, I "love" Seattle but to some it's not the best environment for a happy outlook! Now I lived in Seattle for 13 years, my wife was born and raised there and both of my children were born at the UW. I'm preparing to move back to that city this summer as I consider it home even though I was born and raised in Idaho.

When I first moved to Seattle in 1993 it took me almost two years to get acclimated to the weather, loved late spring until mid fall however once the rain season hit, I had issues. I found out very quickly why that city was renowned for it's coffee and alternative music (love em!). Here is a link to a really great article that describes why a large percentage of Seattle's population experiences Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD...really? clever).

http://vitamind3blog.com/2011/07/se...depression-vitamin-d-deficiency-seattle/

Now there are numerous possibilities as to why you are feeling depressed, your cancer experience among them but there are avenues to explore in treating it and moving forward.

Given your age (68) I'm betting right off the bat that you have a low testosterone read. Men begin to lose 1-2% testosterone production starting at the age of 40, after 28 years you can imagine about where your testosterone levels are. Add in the effects of stress, trauma from your cancer experience, medications (pain meds, anti depressants etc lower testosterone levels), diet and lack of exercise all greatly reduces testosterone in your body. Why is this important? Not only is depression a sign of low testosterone, there is a direct link between depression and low T

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/571098

As many of us survivors of Oral Cancer experience thyroid issues post treatment that may be a factor as well as indicated in this article from WebMD.

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-the-thyroid-and-hormones

Now Cancer Related Fatigue (CRF) is also a real condition and many of us survivors suffer from it, even if our TSH levels, adrenals and testosterone levels are withing "normal" (whatever that means to you). I suffered from crushing fatigue post treatment, still experience it at times, and it really drug me down emotionally which is a hard thing to do if you know me. My first posts on these forums were looking for answers on how to address the issue and I continued to fight it even after I weened myself off all of the opiate pain medications (which are a big factor in depression and fatigue due to how they work).

I'm a reader and will dive into my issues looking for answers and found a few that helped me. Getting off the meds that drug me down (opiates, benzos, etc), getting counseling for PTSD (big culprit in depression), and of course my true saviors, diet and exercise.

Exercise has been shown to be as effective in treating depression as antidepressant prescription drugs (http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsweek/Exercise-and-Depression-report-excerpt.htm) and helps with every part of your health. I used diet and exercise to help combat both depression and CRF and am proud of how far I've come. In the beginning I used energy drinks etc to motivate me to work out, with 5 Hour Energy shots really helping me when I was feeling that "crushed" feeling. Now I no longer use it, but rely on good nutrition and some other supplements to keep fueling the engine so to speak.

I encourage you to talk to your Dr, get him involved and start work towards solutions. Counseling, diet, exercise, chemical assistance, really no stone should be left unexplored until you feel better. If this experience has taught us anything is that our time on this earth is far too short to let fatigue and depression hold us back.

Good luck to you Paul, we're here to help.

Kerri, you're amazing by the way my dear friend!


Eric

Thanks so much, Ann-Marie and Eric! It's great that we all get each other here. The links are great. My Mom gave me some money for my birthday and instead of spending it on bills/groceries,etc., I am going to use it for a gym membership...and not feel guilty about it!

Paul, I hope you continue to heal and grow stronger each day. It's great that you feel fulfillment with your job. That, in itself, is an important thing for the psyche.

Take good care,
Kerri

Kudos to you guys! Getting back to some sense of normal after cancer treatment is difficult at best. A year and a half post diagnosis and we are still working our way towards the finish line. It has been a long road but with time, understanding and patience, it has gotten easier. He has started Tai Chi again which helps a lot emotionally and physically.

As a caretaker, I replenish my glass with some girl time with my mom and sister, I take in a bingo or a half day playing pennies at a casino. I love the mundane repetitiveness and not having to think. When I am wearing my caregiver hat, I always try to make sure my husband does some things for himself and allow him to do some things for me. It gives him a sense of purpose and lets him feel like he is contributing as well.

Our counselor said something a few months ago which really hit home for us and I remind him... "This is your new body now. It is time to accept it as it is. Love it, Embrace it, Take good care of it!" "The next five years are going to pass, do you want to live them being sad, depressed and angry or do you want to live them living, loving and laughing?"

Life is precious! Share it with those you love and that love you!!

*Stepping down from soap box...

Very well said Mrs V! How'd your hubby do with the jaw resection? I'm afraid that may be the next step with Ron hoping not, after Doc scraped his bone on the left side he said it feels great but now the right side feels like a constant toothache. I called ENT today but he was in a surgery. He will be given the message, Ron has an apt March 28th but I told him last night that was too long to wait. We'll see what Doc says.
I told Ron the same thing yesterday bout his looks, I told him he looks fine to me! A bit older but hell so am I. He gets down on himself too but I tease him in a good way bout his changes after Oral Cancer. We acutally had a really good Valentines Day yesterday. Welcome and like we all say sorry you had to find us but we are all here pulling for each other so feel free to join in!

Kerri, you have the kind of empowerment we are all seeking.
You are a Mother *AGAIN*, to me, the ultimate selflessness!

From what I 've learned about myself, your strength will likely come from your desire to be a good Mom, you will fight the Lions & Dragons of life and dispair, because your kids will give you Reason to Live Well, and show them what THEY are capable.

May your trials be fewer, and your life longer