| | Joined: Jul 2003 Posts: 382 Likes: 3 Platinum Member (300+ posts) | OP  Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2003 Posts: 382 Likes: 3 | I guess I am another statistic of after cancer issues. I am an 8 1/2 year survivor of tonsil, 9 month survivor of breast but the marriage didn't make it. Many stresses trying to deal with the above, keeping up with work for that insurance, keeping the fear away for myself and my kids, etc, etc. It is hard to have the energy left to work on a marriage when his affairs keep popping up. Sometimes life is just so darn hard! I think I should go back to where I had treatment and suggest a Match.com for cancer survivors! Wouldn't it be nice to find someone who understands that every day should be treated like a gift and the best hope in the world is just a day when you can keep the fear away. Give someone you love a hug. - Kris
SCC Stage IV left tonsil neck disection 3/02 radiation finished 6/02 chemo finished 9/02
Stage 2A left breast cancer 3/09, chemo and radiation, finished treatment 2/7/10 -Stage 2 right beast cancer 10/14 chemo and radiation
Every day is still a gift :-)
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 | Kris, Im sorry to hear about your latest problem. Divorce is never an easy thing. Best wishes to you.
ChristineSCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44 2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07 -65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr Clear PET 1/08 4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I surg 4/16/08 clr marg 215 HBO dives 3/09 teeth out, trismus 7/2/09 recur, Stg IV 8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy 3wks medicly inducd coma 2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit PICC line IV antibx 8 mo 10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg OC 3x in 3 years very happy to be alive  | | | | | Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 | Kris - You have survived cancer and you will survive divorce as well.
I thought that after 20 years of marriage, divorce was one of the hardest things I had to live through - until my son had cancer. People would say that God doesn't send you problems without sending you the strength to bear them and I found myself asking Him: "Are you sure I can handle this?" And then I found OCF and the strength to help my son. I like your idea about a match.com for cancer survivors. I've heard that you can start your own group! So go for it!
Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2010 Posts: 531 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2010 Posts: 531 | Ah hell Kris I thought the same thing when I went thru mine, my life was crumbling, how could I live without him, can I take care of my kids myself, will anybody ever love me again, can I keep my house???? All these questions and I know I didn't have cancer either BUT you wait, when it's all said and done, you WILL feel like the weight has been lifted off of you and you WILL find somebody who will REALLY love you for who you are and not what you have had. I found me a good man or he found me and he told me "my ex's loss." And even though we have our issues he still treats me like I am a queen!He is honest and caring. PS(I am The Queen "B")
CG to Ron
Out of Pain 4/3/13
4/12-lung and under chin growth no treatment
1/13/12 lung biopsy
6/11 recur 6/30 resection #2 Clear margins
Clear 12/10
Surg 5/13/10 neck dis/nodes part gloss/flap R thigh all teeth out
RAD 30 8/10
DX 4/2/10 "Oral Cavity" T3NOMO
12/28/07 Non Hodg Lymph remission 7/08
passed away 4.3.15, RIP Ron, you are greatly missed
| | | | | Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 126 "OCF Canuck" Senior Member (100+ posts) | | "OCF Canuck" Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 126 | I'm sorry Kris, that more stress and pain has been inflicted upon you, as if you haven't been through enough already. Your idea about Match.com for cancer survivors is a good one (even if you were speaking facetiously) and I wonder if there's something like that on the Web already.
I think cancer is an acid test for any marriage or relationship, and sadly, the caregiver is not always able to live up to it. I found that all the issues in our marriage came up in a big way, like a vase with cracks that widened, while Gordon was going through treatment. I don't know how, but we've both managed to hang in there. I wanted to leave many times, because it was all just too hard.
You will find someone else who can give you the love and consideration that you deserve. A spouse who cheats while the other is going through cancer treatment is just now worth having. He failed the "test", not you. Anne
Anne - CG to Gordon (59), non-smoker/non-drinker. SCC, BOT, HPV 16+, stage 3. Jan./10 - radical neck dissection to remove 48 lymph nodes, 1 node pos. Apr. 23/10 - finished 35 rad. and 3 cisplatin. Jul. 22/10 - PET scan clear.
| | | | | Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 126 "OCF Canuck" Senior Member (100+ posts) | | "OCF Canuck" Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 126 | [quote=Elianne]
A spouse who cheats while the other is going through cancer treatment is just not worth having.[/quote]
Anne
Last edited by Brian Hill; 11-08-2010 11:53 AM. Reason: fix typo
Anne - CG to Gordon (59), non-smoker/non-drinker. SCC, BOT, HPV 16+, stage 3. Jan./10 - radical neck dissection to remove 48 lymph nodes, 1 node pos. Apr. 23/10 - finished 35 rad. and 3 cisplatin. Jul. 22/10 - PET scan clear.
| | | | | Joined: May 2002 Posts: 2,152 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: May 2002 Posts: 2,152 | Ah, Kris, I can't believe this is happening to you. Life just ain't fair. You guys seemed so happy. I hope this all works out for you and you will find someone worth all your love that will treasure you.
Take care,
Eileen
----------------------
Aug 1997 unknown primary, Stage III
mets to 1 lymph node in neck; rt ND, 36 XRT rad
Aug 2001 tiny tumor on larynx, Stage I total laryngectomy; left ND
June 5, 2010 dx early stage breast cancer
June 9, 2011 SCC 1.5 cm hypo pharynx, 70% P-16 positive, no mets, Stage I
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2003 Posts: 382 Likes: 3 Platinum Member (300+ posts) | | OP Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2003 Posts: 382 Likes: 3 | Thanks for all your support! And I think I am serious about seeing if I can't find someone to start a singles social network for cancer survivors at these cancer centers. Maybe call it "A New Start to Life" or "It's Never Too Late to Tango!" Should be part of the Livestrong Challenge don't you think? Hmmm, maybe I'll have to work on that name though but you get the idea. I might have part of my neck, not too much saliva, and well a dent in my boob, but ya gotta keep getting out there and live life! Maybe I'll start a blog about the singles life! Or maybe just get back to work and keep my day job! - Kris
SCC Stage IV left tonsil neck disection 3/02 radiation finished 6/02 chemo finished 9/02
Stage 2A left breast cancer 3/09, chemo and radiation, finished treatment 2/7/10 -Stage 2 right beast cancer 10/14 chemo and radiation
Every day is still a gift :-)
| | | | | Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 2 Member | | Member
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 2 | Waving my hand here too..... hubby left me 8 weeks ago after surviving the treatment for base of tongue and a double mastectomy all in the same year (2009)! He at least waited until he heard I was out of the woods with 4 or was it now 5 clean scans but was told that I would need a total of 5 years worth of scans! I think the Match.com for cancer survivors is an excellent idea! Need help?! Let's contact Oprah or SPOHNC? Read this: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article6875081.ece
Invasive Basaloid Squamous Cell CA ~ BOT Inoperatible Stage IV
P16 HPV +
Neck lymph node biopsy x 2
Tongue biopsy / anesthesia 2/09
Chemo x 3 (Cisplatin ~ reaction w/ ears), 2nd & 3rd Carboplatin
Chemo & Rads (37 days) 3/19/09
PEG tube 4/29/09 - 7/10/09
Treatment done 5/11/09
4 clean PET/CT,1 clean CT
| | | | | Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 2 Member | | Member
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 2 | http://www.cancermatch.com/Doesn't look like the site has been active / busy....
Invasive Basaloid Squamous Cell CA ~ BOT Inoperatible Stage IV
P16 HPV +
Neck lymph node biopsy x 2
Tongue biopsy / anesthesia 2/09
Chemo x 3 (Cisplatin ~ reaction w/ ears), 2nd & 3rd Carboplatin
Chemo & Rads (37 days) 3/19/09
PEG tube 4/29/09 - 7/10/09
Treatment done 5/11/09
4 clean PET/CT,1 clean CT
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