Well yall, its that time. I am not sure I am ready to go back just yet but my family is about to lose everything. I have no choice but to go back and quite frankly I am scared to death. It has been 7 months. I have doctor appointments that are going to interfere with work and I dont know how all of that will work out.

Yall please keep me and my family in your prayers.
Billy

will do Billy good luck honey

liz

Billy,
One step at a time my friend. We all have to do for our families. Just try not to put off follow-up appointments to long if you can.
You know I'm here for you.
Did you get my e-mail about the fluoride?

I'll say some good ole irish prayers for you.

Cheers,

Mike

Yea bud,

I got the email.Thought I responded..LOL Guess not.

Billy

Dear Billy

Eat well, plenty of vitamin B, make sure you get proper sleep each day and remember that trivial chores can wait. Your welfare and that of your family come first.

Let us know how you are. Am thinking of you.

Love from Helen

Billy,
Don't depair-I too had to go back to work and was not, I felt like, ready for it. In fact, I still had in my peg tube!! I was so afraid I would have to go out to lunch ( my job is to sometimes entertain customers at lunch and schools,etc.) So if was the first day, and I stumbled out that I had to go on some errands at lunch. I rushed home, drank a can of carnation and flew back to work. What a stress. AFter the first week, though, thinks just got back to normal and I try to make doctors apptmts late in afternoon and leave work a little early. They have been so kind to me so far. Had to miss work when I had the peg removed because I was in pain. I hated missing. I don't want to be the poor little girl with cancer that is dying syndrome. I want to be strong.(HAHA that is my weakness)
Just take it a day at a time, even an hour at a time sometimes. You will make it and get stronger every day.

I still have my peg tube also. I drive a truck and thats what Im hoping to be able to do when I go back. If thats the case I can do a feeding in the truck but hopefully I will be able to eat something. I know its just me being a little anxious and nervous but everyone tells me to get back in the truck and everything will fall right into place. I am also being told by many people including a friend of mine who had oral cancer that the best thing for me would be to step out and get back in my truck.

Helen?... Can you tell me why vitamin B is so important. Im not really up to date so to speak on vitamins and stuff like that.

Billy,
Everyone told me the best thing was to go back to work and I told them the best thing would be not to have to work at all!! So quit with that stuff!!
I take a multi vitamin, and selenium which is important for people with oral cancer.
It is very nerve wracking to go back to work and not know how to handle the eating situation. Just
rest as much as you can at first.
Debbie

Hi Billy

Vitamin B gave me a noticeable improvement in my fatigue after several weeks of taking it. I take it every day now as well as omega 3 for general health. My doc suggested trying it.

Tough for you with such a physical job and a PEG tube. Have your docs given any advice regarding how to manage and what is important for you?

All the best, love from Helen

Debbie,

I have got to do something to get out of this house so work would be the best choice here. I get out and earn money for my family too. I have no choice but to go back to work anyway. I dont know if Im ready but our backs are against the wall. Thank you so much for your concern.

Helen,

I will give the vitamin B a try. I am very fatigued all of the time. I am also depressed and the doctor keeps on trying different meds but to no avail. They all seem to make me feel real funny. I really dont even feel like myself most of the time. I have been taking Centrum liquid vitamins but I can swallow pills now so Im going to give Centrum Silver a shot as recommended by my grandma JAM (LOL). Thank you for the advice and the concern also Helen.

Billy

Billy: ...sending special prayers and positive thoughts your way....remember not to 'over-do' until you know you're ready....

I will do my best Lois but in this line of work its roll,roll, roll to make money. I understand what you are saying and I think you for being concerned.

Billy

BIlly

B is like Iron I think. And I know the feeling of not wanting or knowing if you are ready to go back to work ..but being so depresssed and misreable home and feeling like ou hae truley lost a part of yourself.

I was Lucky I went back Part-time to start ( financailly I could) As it is very physical I work with Autistic kids , very behavioral, Alot of time can be spent in restriant holds or being beat on ( me not them LOL ) . SO I only did a couple days a week. I didn't have rad tx or chemo , . I will tell you I was exhasuted after work and not being used to it..But mentally I think it was the BEST thing for me .

Everyone else is right though as well , try to pace yourself , dont miss appts and try to keep up your vitamins and with your feeding . Rest when you can and don' worry about the small things .... I hope all goes well and who knows Maybe you will be happy with the decison .. I know in an Ideal world we would all have enough money and never have to work or want ..but in an ideal world we would never have had this cancer either !

Shar

Hi Billy,
I was the owner and director of a huge cheerleading/gymnastics gym when I first was diagnosed in 2003. The surgery put me out for 6 weeks and I went to check on everything every day during radiation but didn't really take back a team to Head coach nor any gymnastics classes to teach. I was scared to. When I did, about two months after radiation ended, I was amazed at how good it made me feel!! When I spotted my first back handspring and felt STRONG about it, I knew I had control of my life back. Getting back in your truck might be a good thing for you, even though right now it's a scary thought. You will find at times thta you hate it and wish you could just go home.....but I think that most of the time it will make you feel "normal" and in control of our life. As far as the tube feeding goes, I used to go outside and sit in my car and do my feedings. No big deal at all. If anything, it was an incentive to get me to work harder on eating by mouth as I was a lazy peg person......I used the peg way to much and for to long I suspect.
Good luck to you Billy. I can't tell you how many times it has gone through my head that it's a blessing it was me and not my husband that was struck with cancer. He is our "money maker" for sure! You have a double load on your mind by being your families money maker, that has got to make it harder. My thoughts are with you.
Minnie

Thank you Minnie and, once again, I was estatic to read the good news about your surgery.

I also have some good news to report. I talked with a man that I used to work for and he has offered me a job driving with him. I used to work for him and he is a great guy and really was the one I was hoping to go back to work for. I am still scared but it is a fear that I am just going to have to confront and show myself that its just a smokescreen like fear always is.

Yall please continue to keep me and my family in your prayers.

Billy

MY thoughts will be with you Billy. Think of it as just work and not anymore illness. You can do anything if you can get over surgery and the like.You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
Debbie

Thank you Debbie and I know you are right.

I have even more good news to report. My speech and swallow therapist was here today and released me telling me that I knew what to do and there was nothing else she could do for me. She said I was doing great. She also said she thinks its time for the feeding tube to come out. They want to do another swallow study before that happens though. She also says my trach is ready to come out so I called my nurse and she agrees and is going to talk to my doc and call me back with an appointment to come in and take it out.

Billy

Hi Billy,
Just a thought--you might find that going back to work is actually a good thing to take your mind off all these appointments and 'being discharged' from a lot of services, which as others have said, are a 'nuisance' but become, nonetheless, part of our 'new-normal'
JeffL and others have talked about the depression which comes with the 'gaping hole' which appears at the end of treatment.
Personally, I don't think I'm going back to work, regardless of the length of time I have left as I'd decided to take early retirement a year ago anyway, and only went back 2 days a week in September as a 'favour' and to make me a bit more comfortable financially.
It's only 2 days, but like Shar, it's with severely autistic children, and as I'm now 58, I feel that I'd rather be poor than beaten up at regular intervals!
Also, my co-workers have changed--not for the better---this could be one of the big factors for you if you and this guy you're going to work for have a mutual respect and understanding.
You don't seem the kind of guy to take time off unnecessarily, and I think he'll respect that and understand times when you DO have to!
I have you and your family in my thoughts and wish all the best for you over the coming weeks,

Brenda

Thank you so much Brenda. Im sure getting back in that truck will take my mind off of alot. I also think that working will help me with the depression. I know that there are going to be bad days but I asked the good Lord to please make the godd days start outweighing the bad ones. Today has been a very good day to say the least. And, I am eating popcorn for the first time in 6 months...LOL I love popcorn and that just makes the day that much better.

Billy

Hey, Billy- it's "GrandMa Amy" here [still with sand between my toes from playing on the beach last week].Anyone who can eat popcorn can get through this "going back to work stuff"-so dive in and get your recovery hat on You have fought a long hard and GOOD battle this far and I think you are gonna do O.K! You are a very strong person and have alot of living to do.It is still gonna be one day-one little problem to solve at a time- but you are used to that by now, so on with your life you go. Boy, I wish I could give you a big bear hug right now. Fondly, Amy in the Ozarks

You have me in tears reading this Amy. I look forward to your responses to threads that I start because you always say the right thing. I wish you were here right now so I could give you a big ole bear hug too.

I love you Amy,
Billy

Billy,

I truley believe work will help with the depression , it will help with the feeling of despair and uselessness and just the total lost feeling in general and your mind will be busy with all the other things ..work things ..to worry about all we have done and been through ...Not that it isnt always there it is , and it creeps up on us ......but when atleast when I went back to work it wasnt sitting right next to me all day like it was at home !


Shar

My wife says the same exact thing Shar. She tells me if Im out then I dont just sit here and dwell on stuff. You are both right and yes we have been through a lot and its time to put it behind me and move on with my life. When I started this thread I never thought for a second that I would get a response like this. Thanks again to each and every one of you.

Billy

Billy,

working will be good, it is a great diversion..... just remember not to overdo it initially.

Best

Markus

well Billy


this is just as big of step of any that we take !!


Shar

Good Luck, Billy.

That's a big milestone..one that my husband is hoping to make soon too!

Take good care,

Billy

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking and praying for you. Just take it slow when starting back. Marvin did good when he started back to work. Made him feel better. He does get tired but he said it is a good tired.

Well tomorrow is the big day yall. I am going back to work for the man that I wanted to work for. God is good. He has blessed me with this job. I am very nervous about all of this but I know once I get in that truck and get going everything will be fine. I actually have my truck sitting outside. Yall wish me luck.

Billy

Billy,

All my good thoughts and Irish prayers are for you. I know you are scared but you will do fine. Just remeber: One step at a time, and don't over do it.

Let us know how you make out.

Cheers my friend.

Mike

Am thinking of you Billy,
Best of luck at the start of your new life!

Brenda

Well. one day of work down and a million to go... LOL

I actually feel a lot better than I thought that I would. I am tired but not exhausted as I thought I would be. I was up at 6:15am this morning. That is the earliest I have been up in quite a few months. The man I am working for told me to get there when I could but,like I said, at 6:15 my eyes popped open and I couldnt go back to sleep.

Billy

Billy,

I'm glad everything went well. Sounds like the guy you work for is an understanding individual.
Congrats on another milestone my friend.

Cheers,

Mike

I also go tomorrow morning to see about getting the trach tube out. Doc wants to do a breathing test and if all goes well I will come home without the tube.

Billy,
I was happy for you with the news about your day at work. Now I'm busting at the seams with the news about your trach. Keep the good news coming it helps lift all of our spirits.
I hope it all works out for you.

I'll be digging out the best Irish prayers for you tonight.

Cheers,

Mike

I got a little bad news when I went to get the trach out. Evidently it has rubbed my windpipe and caused a little scar tissue to form therefore leaving me breathing through a smaller hole than I should be. I have to have surgery to remove the scar tissue. My wife says this is a good thing because we know now why I have trouble breathing at night.

Billy

Billy
I am sure that the last thing you want is someone "screwing" around with your mouth/neck. On the other hand this IS a good resolution of your breating issues.


Markus

How long will your surgery take to recover from Bill and is it being scheduled soon?
It must be a blow when you've just begun to feel you might be getting your life back--but in the long-term, of course, it's a huge bonus.
So look at it as 'minor hiccup'!

Brenda

Oh yea, its very minor. Surgery will take about a half hour, go home same day and return to work next day. Surgery is Oct 23.

Billy,
So glad you found out this is minor. You just keep going! You are doing good - take it a day at a time.
Happy about your day back. I still wonder every day that I am doing good at work. Boy, it doesn't take long for the medical community to make you dependent on them, does it? Whether you need them or not.
I will be thinking of you and am proud of your spirit.
Debbie

I know what you are saying about the medical field Debbie. I have been back at work 2 days now and I am very tired tonight. I have put in probably 18-20 hours over the last 2 days after doing nothing for close to 8 months but I had no choice. My boss was very understanding about my surgery. He is a great guy and I thank God for blessing me with him as a boss again. I also thank god for all of my friends here. I just want to get this surgery behind me and get on with the rest of my life.

Billy

Hey, Billy- I have a rule at my business- 8 hr. days are the max. for my guys unless there is an unforseen circumstance - you are already working overtime- What's Up?? Hope the next surgery goes smoothly.And remember, your middle name is NOT Superman. Amy in the Ozarks

LOL... I know Im not Superman my dear but I do have to get a certain amount done a day in order to survive. This is the nature of the beast in my line of work and I figured I might as well jump in head first and try to let my body get used to how its going to be. I am very tired but that is to be expected.

Billy

Billy, So glad to hear you are back to work. That is just great!! I still remember the feeling when Tom went back! I knew you would make it! Hope your minor surgery goes well too. Working will help you move on also, with your life. Its regaining a bit of normalcy. So good luck to you my friend and I will keep reading your posts. Take care, LJ

Thank you LJ. Right now I am very tired. I know that is to be expected but I didnt think it would be this tiresome. In my line of work there is no part time. Its full time only so I had to jump in both feet first.

Billy

Billy,
My husband drives a truck too, I remember him trying to explain to the doctors that there is no part time. When you drive from point A to point B, you can't stop part way. You can't turn around and come back.

It's all or nothing.

He still had his Peg tube in when he was due to go back. He was freaking out about trying to feed himself while driving. Picturing his knee on the steering wheel, tube flung up over rear view mirror,... well you get the picture.

It all worked out though, he got the Peg out and drank his formula for a while. He has been back full time driving triples for one year now. So far at his one year checkup, all is good. He takes a FMLA day for his monthly checkups.

You'll be tired at first, but a good kind of exhausted tired. Allow extra rest and sleep time for yourself while you get adjusted. You will bounce back!

I am very happy for you, and wish you the best.

Ginny

Thank you so much Ginny, I too have a peg tube in but have only had to use it a few times. I eat soup and stuff like that while Im driving. This is all very new to me but I will get through it. I never thought for a second that i would be this tired but you are right, it is a good tired.

Thanks again,
Billy

Billy if you make it to North Atlanta let me know. I always have coffee on. I work for a trucking company so there is plenty of parking. Glad to see you doing well.