I realize now from this forum how hard it is to be a caregiver...I say things I do not mean all the time to her, I will find myself even asking " why did I just act like that?". I know it is the drugs,the cancer,the fear, but I know for certain it is not me.

Challengers come and challengers go...Tough times do not last, Tough people do...we care,and I am happy to be a part of this foundation...thank you to all caregivers, I appreciate now what you are all dealing with.

Nathan

I've been wondering how you and Jim have been doing lately and now I read your post....I am so sorry. I don't really know what else to say other than you and Jim are always in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything OK .....hang in there. I'm so glad you have this forum to come and vent. We care and are always here for you.

Hugs,

Shelley

I don't come and post very often anymore as most of mine are rants just like this one. I'm so tired and I know when this kind of stuff happens....at our house about every other day.....it makes you crazy. Hang in there. Caregiving is the hardest thing I've ever done and you sure aren't alone in your aggravation in dealing with an obstinate man! I can't even begin to count the cancelled appts or just "no shows" mine has pulled. Thinking of you and the all of the rest of us who cope...one minute at a time.

Paula,

I am so sorry to read about what you and Jim are going through, but I have to say I think you are both totally amazing your guts and determination to do all these trips are truly inspiring. Not at all surprised you are so angry and frustrated - I often get like that with Chaz in circumstances that are not nearly as severe as what you have been through. Have to say although I feel for you terribly, Jim sounds like an incredible man.

Words are inadequate but I admire you enormously.
Cathy

My husband had a few episodes where he wouldn't accept help. He had to feel like he was still independant and in control. He would drive when taking many pain meds and depression meds and anxiety meds. One time the oncology clinic called me to pick him up because they wouldn't allow him to leave on his own steam. They were amazed he made it there in one piece. After picking him up, we got into a huge argument because he wanted me to pick him up, drive around the block and take him back to get his car.
Even upon leaving hospital stays after surgeries, he wants to drive his own car.
He did end up swerving into a storm drain once and ruined two rims on his car and cost us rims and tires.
Took him months to admit fault and accept that he can't always do it on his own.
I empathize. Best wishes.

Christine - CG to Matt(53) stage IVC SCC on tonsil w/ lung and bone metastasis... dx june 2009, chemo & rad on neck, lung resections in July 2009, again in Aug 2010, and lobectomy coming up tomorrow Oct 2010. Radiation to begin on bone growths after this surgery.

Sorry to hear bout the car but glad he's OK. Hope he didn't like maybe try and do something on purpose...
He's angry, I would be too. Just like Ron, he's been so angry and he's called me names and vice versa. He does apoligize to me later. He told me not to tell anybody this but Sunday evening while we were sitting outside. He was talking to me and he of course has an issue pronouncing his "L's" and he just kept doing them over and over and over until...he cried. I told him he's fine, and not alone that everybody who has had this has issues with L's. I told him hell Ron you could never say Flourecent when you had a tongue! He laffed. Than again we were talking...again a word with an "L" came up and again tried over and over to get the word out correct, he cried. I just let him cry, he said he don't understand where this is coming from, I told him it was about time you cried. And I asked him if he felt better and he touched his heart and said yes. Everybody deals with things differently. He still says to me he doesn't know where that crying came from. Hell I'd cry everyday if it was me that went thru this, but I'd also cry for being happy I am still here. I wish you luck cuz it is tough and your road is going to get tougher from what I read. Just like everybody says, when you can give the hug and the love give it hard so the next time bad times come up they don't feel so bad. good luck!