#11812 08-20-2007 11:11 PM | Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 40 Contributing Member (25+ posts) |  Contributing Member (25+ posts)
Joined: Jan 2007 Posts: 40 | Dear Sharlee,
What a time for you to have to face all of this. I hope that everyone's good advice has been of help to you. I hope that your friends and the rest of your family can give you the support, love and care you deserve to help you through all of this. Everyone's right, this is about you. You have given so much to others, don't be scared to ask for something back.
With every best wish,
Georgia | | |
#11813 08-21-2007 02:34 AM | Joined: Apr 2007 Posts: 794 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Apr 2007 Posts: 794 | Hey Shar,
I agree with everyone. You need to think about yourself first. Think of when you are on a plane and the flight attendants say for you to use your oxygen before you try to help anyone else....you need to take care of you before anyone else. Where are the grandparents? Are they able to come and help with the kids?
Joe is robbing you of energy, which you know is very important to your overall fight.
Somehow you need to focus on you.
You can do this!
Donna
CG to Mom, dx 4/25/07 with tongue cancer,T3N0,tx began 7/6/07, 31 tx's of IMRT, 8 cycles of Erbitux. Brachytherapy, surgery, left neck dissection and temp trach placed all on 9/17/07, trach removed 10/17/07. ORN of jaw, late effect of radiation symptoms. **lost my beautiful mother on 5/5/11.
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#11814 08-21-2007 05:27 AM | Joined: Jul 2007 Posts: 45 Contributing Member (25+ posts) | | Contributing Member (25+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2007 Posts: 45 | Sharlee,
This is classic emotional abuse - making the woman feel worthless, like she can't do any better.
I expect your husband is feeling weak at the uncontrolable circumstances & the way he deals with it is by making you feel as though you're niot good enough. When actually HE'S the one that isn't good enough for you!
Even if you get through all this mess together, you'll NEVER forget the way he's behaved. You need to concentrate on getting you better right now. Respite would be good.
How can ou heal when he's bringing you down? Think of yourself.
You're in our thoughts.
Michelle
Undifferentiated Nasopharyngeal Ca. T3N1M0 stage: IIb. diagnosed: June 2006. 6cycles of high dose chemo (Cisplatin & 5FU). 6 & half weeks (33sessions) radical R/T
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#11815 08-21-2007 11:56 AM | Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 580 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 580 | Sharlee,
Ditto, Ditto and Ditto!! All the above is, at this point, essential for your well being.
You need some assistance and the Hospital can steer you in the right direction. Don't wait...your focus should be on you.
Your husband should also talk to someone he seems to have his own issues.
e-mail me anytime.
I hope everything starts to improve, my prayers are for you right now. Don't ever give up!!
Take care of you!!
Mike
Dentist since 1995, 12 year Cancer Survivor, Father, Husband, Thankful to so many who supported me on my journey so far, and more than happy to comfort a friend.
Live, Laugh, Love & Learn.
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#11816 08-21-2007 11:59 AM | Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 68 Supporting Member (50+ posts) | | Supporting Member (50+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 68 | Sharlee,
I know how u feel my husband is a name caller too,somtimes i just want to get up an smack him.e-mail me call me we can talk because u real really do need to seek help.Good Luck too you please call me or e-mail me at any time
your friend
lynn
linda anderson
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#11817 08-21-2007 11:59 AM | Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 68 Supporting Member (50+ posts) | | Supporting Member (50+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 68 | Sharlee,
I know how u feel my husband is a name caller too,somtimes i just want to get up an smack him.e-mail me call me we can talk because u real really do need to seek help.Good Luck too you please call me or e-mail me at any time
your friend
lynn
linda anderson
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#11818 08-21-2007 11:46 PM | Joined: Feb 2005 Posts: 2,019 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Feb 2005 Posts: 2,019 | Sharlee, I went through a very rough time with my marriage right after a year of cancer treatment for two cancers. We ended up staying together but it didn't look like we would for a while. However, I will say that my husband was never verbally abusive as yours is being. Staying with someone doing that to you is far more toxic to you than if he just walked right out the door and never came back, although you may not feel that way right now.
Although I know it feels unfair to confront illness and a marriage falling apart at the same time, you can do it. Poeple get through all sorts of things they never thought they could and this will just be one of them for you. but PLEASE do not let yourself put up with this verbal abuse for much longer. Lean on your friends and your relatives who are close by and can help care for your kids as much as you can and get yourself a good divorce lawyer right now.
Nelie
SCC(T2N0M0) part.glossectomy & neck dissect 2/9/05 & 2/25/05.33 IMRT(66 Gy),2 Cisplatin ended 06/03/05.Stage I breast cancer treated 2/05-11/05.Surgery to remove esophageal stricture 07/06, still having dilatations to keep esophagus open.Dysphagia. "When you're going through hell, keep going"
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#11819 08-21-2007 11:54 PM | Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,671 | Sharlee - Please do get some help. Don't wait. I think you mentioned in a previous post that alcohol may be a problem for your husband, and if you wait, the emotional abuse could easily escalate into physical abuse. I waited too long, my children suffered and that is no way to live for anyone especially when there are other serious health issues to deal with. There is a better life for you and your children out there. Take care of YOU. Email me if you want to talk and I will call you.
Anne-Marie
CG to son, Paul (age 33, non-smoker) SCC Stage 2, Surgery 9/21/06, 1/6 tongue Rt.side removed, +48 lymph nodes neck. IMRTx28 completed 12/19/06. CT scan 7/8/10 Cancer-free! ("spot" on lung from scar tissue related to Pneumonia.)
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#11820 08-22-2007 10:23 AM | Joined: May 2007 Posts: 632 "Above & Beyond" Member (300+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (300+ posts)
Joined: May 2007 Posts: 632 | Sharlee,
Take strength from here, keep reading when you feel there's nowhere else to turn, keep taking your tablets, get friends/relatives to take you to appointments, and ask for---and accept--all help you can get to get outta there!
Or, is there anyone you trust who could tell Joe HE must go??
Take care, look after YOU--kids are more resilient than you think--and remeber we're all here for you
Brenda
Brenda in UK--Diagnosis 30/5/07--undifferentiated carcinoma in right jawbone and muscles. Stage 4
6/7/07--new diagnosis primary is in lung. Finished 4cycles of palliative carboplatin/gemcitabine
therapy September 07
Now dying to live!
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#11821 08-22-2007 03:41 PM | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 510 "Above & Beyond" Member (300+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 510 | Shar: Please post and let us know that you're okay!
CG to 77 y/o hubby;SCC Alveolar Ridge; Wake Forest Baptist Hosp surgery: 07/19/07; bi mod radical resection/jaw replacement;
T2 N2-B M0 Stage IV-A
28 IMRT +
6 Paclitaxel/Carboplatin
Getting stronger every day!
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