Lisa, I like you am alone and in a town where I don't know many people. I live alone and would love company beside my sister or my kids to talk to. I go outside and work in my yard os wax my car to death to keep my mind working and give myself something to keep busy and not think much. I like Eric was very active where I lived and was dumb enough to leave my wife . I am still popular in the city I grew up in and always a ladys man which was probably my downfall. I can feel your lonely pangs and have them too. My mistake was letting other body parts do my thinking for my brain. LOL. NOw when I visit my kids or ex, if they have something that needs repaired , I bring it home and do it for them. I just wire brushed and repainted my ex's outside portion of central air. I took it to her and put it back together last nite between the storms we had. Hey, do you need a handyman? LOL.. keeping busy is my salvation. Good luck and I hope you become happier as the days go on. I will live to be 100 one way or another. Keep smiling and make people wonder..

Lisa, you may think you're alone but you're not. You have all of us.

Years before my cancer I went through serious depression bouts. At that time Prozac was the best SSRI and I was on it twice for fairly long periods. I can honestly say that it likely saved my life at one point. I would urge you to speak with your docs about one of the newer ones and not be afraid to try one. I think it would really help.

Like you I went through my cancer last year alone. I will say though that my friends were great. But I found it ultimately more important to prove that I could get through it by myself. Stubborn I guess.

I don't do the Facebook thing but please feel free to message me here if you'd like to communicate, to vent, to whatever.

We're all here for you.

David 2

Hi Lisa,
I am new to the site, having been diagnosed with tongue cancer in December and surgery for a partial glossectomy in March. I, too feel sad. Mainly because I talk funny and have a big "goiter" on my neck from the radical dissection I had. I also have trouble eating and have to clear the space under my tongue with my finger after I eat.

But even though I am clearly a mess, I think of all the good stuff in my life. Just today, I looked out the window and the rainy Colorado day turned to sun. The brown winter ground has begun to come alive in little sprinklings of green. This is my favorite time of year and I can't wait until shorts weather.

I recently bought some scarves and sleeveless turtlenecks at Ross and most people at work tell me I look good. Although they are not "true" friends, they are supportive and comforting. So I say, if you are not too busy or tired this week, go out and get a nice scarf and take that walk in the park like Christine suggested. And definitely visit this site often. It helps me every day!

Barb

Hello Lisa,

I am so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I have been battling this disease since 2004 and i know how lonely it can be. I was married at 18, but divorced by 24 and i never remarried. i have dated, but finding that special guy has been an impossible task. I am someone as well who isn't all that blessed in the "looks dept". Most of my life i was extremely overweight (i weighed 365 lbs at one point). i have since lost about 180 lbs, but still have weight to lose. Most men look at me and pass, throw in i have been battling this disease since 2004 and i have a better chance of hitting the mega million or getting hit by lighting then finging Mr. Wonderful!

I have lost friends, and i am battling fear and saddness right now. But i refuse to let it keep me down for long. I am alive and the battle aint over yet. everyday brings a new chance for something good to happen and a new chance for me to meet someone new. I seem to cry all the time right now, but i wipe my tears away put on my tennis shoes and go to the gym. Sometimes I just take a walk outside and breath the clean air and feel the sun on my face.

And like everyone else has said to you, you are not alone. you have everyone on this site who cares about you.

Please keep in touch and keep coming back to this site. I may not have answers for you, but I am here to listen anytime.

Take care
Gina

The family on this site are what make me smile and know I have friends worldwide that care about me and all of us. You have thousands of us that really do care and we express our feelings the way we feel about each member. We don't care about size, looks, how smart each of us are or anything but good thoughts and feelings for each of us. Some of us say what we think and not just things that make one feel out of place with our words. We all have that Love all feeling. Heck. I love each and everyone of the members and just hope to some day meet a few in person. Have a great day and a better tomorrow.

Lisa,
I am married and have two wonderful small children and yet I still felt alone dealing with this. I think in part is that I still had to take care of the kids because I did not get much help from my spouse until I got down right ugly with him and told he had to start taking care of the kids. I say that to tell you that the grass is not always greener. I felt that if I were single it would have benn easier cause I just would have myself to take care of and not two litte kids and a husband. We go through a lot with this stuff and even when treatment is over we still have to be diligent about our care because it is really never over. Just know that it is okay to vent here and as we all care and have all felt a little bit of what you are feeling now. No one can understand better how we feel than those that have been through it. This is the best place.

Thanks you guys I was really having a low time when I last posted this, it is SO nice to have found this site, even at my oncologists office it seems like all the posters and magazines laying around are geared towards breast and prostate cancer and they have a "women's" cancer support group as well which i dont think i will be wrong to presume will be largely composed of breast cancer patients and survivors. See, the thing about that is that the lady who has radiation right before me has breast cancer and sometimes i feel SO guilty when I see her come out of the dressing room because I have a full set of healthy 44 DD boobs and more hair (on my head) than God should have ever gave to one person.

SO- having hair and boobs might not make me fit in super well at a women's cancer support group.

I have my sense of humor back a little bit today, largely because you guys responded. Today was my 9th radiation treatment and I am having a lot of trouble swallowing as the night goes on, and am starting to feel sore in the throat, so I think the "good" days when I could eat are just about over again.

To add more to my story- I AM a professional therapist. So I know about depression, anti-depressants and spend very large chunks of my day helping folks treat their illness. I am very rarely in a place where I feel sorry for myself,I have struggled with feeling lonely all of my life so this isn't anything new, just exacerbated by the fact that there are so few during such a sucky time of life. I dont think its self pity to say this shit sucks is it? IT SUCKS!!! For everyone!

anyway, I am on facebook and havent found any forums for oral cancer or maybe I just didn't know how to look on there. I mostly do farmville haha. I do post updates for folks to see how things are going but again- I think that is getting REALLY lame it makes me feel like an old lady complaining about her bowel movements- YAWN

It is so awesome to have found you guys- thanks!

Anyhow- Thanks again and if anyone wants to add me on facebook its Lisa Petersen (from Kalispell Montana)

Hi Lisa,

I am a widow and lived alone also when I was diagnosed with oral cancer under my tongue and then into my lymph nodes. My daughter, who is an R.N., moved from Kansas to "take care of me". It sounds good, but.... She made sure I had someone go to radiation with me everyday but other than that she has been more of a nuisance than a help. She is a former drug addict addicted now to narcotics anonymous. She goes to 3-4 (or more) meetings a week, leaving me home without my car. Now she got a full time job so she leaves me without a car even more. I am watching the Suns pulverize the Trailblazers right now at home, which is great, but in order for me to have my own car tomorrow I have to take her to work at 6:00 A.M.

Plus she is a religious fanatic who blows me off if I ever complain or worry about recurrence by saying "God will take care of you." When I answer back, why did God even give me cancer, that wasn't a very "loving God", the fight begins.

And the fact that no one understands oral cancer is another problem. I don't post much because I don't even know what the T1 and all that is. I just know what I've gone through and that I was told I was stage IV and that's no good. My own mother had breast cancer and she had a lumpectomy and radiation, no chemo, and she has made it five years and is okay. And yet, like you say, the research goes on and on for breast cancer and no mention of oral cancer. So my mom tells me, "They only radiate you for 20 seconds" when I was told I had to have radiation and chemo. Well, they might only radiate boobs for a short time, but I was nailed to the table for 15-20 minutes every radiation treatment.

Not only that, but most other cancers don't show for all the world to see like our oral cancer does. I have the crooked smile, no teeth, and the ugly neck and it has basically ruined my social life. I feel connected to your loneliness completely. My family seems to think that food has to be associated with everything and since I have no teeth yet I don't want to go out to eat and watch everyone enjoy their steak.

But I am going to Vegas to see Cher next month and trying to plan some other vacations, maybe New York, while I'm feeling well. And hopefully I can get dentures made next month. I started getting them but my gums were just too sore so the dentist is making me wait another month and try again.

I hope you are feeling better. I'm gonna add you to facebook. I'm Barbara Pool on there.

Lisa, no question that we're in the minority at the docs' offices. I did strike up a daily relationship with a guy (prostate) and his wife. Until I couldn't talk any more of course. But it's unquestionably a lonely experience and I can only hope your doctors, nurses and radiation techs are helping you cope.

Great to see your humor coming back! That is key. I have a lifelong friend here in town with whom I'm as close as I am to anyone, and when I started this mess I told him this: "If you ever stop making jokes about my cancer I'm going to take a break from dying and drive over there and kill you." No danger of that, he's a professional humorist and we kept the black humor flowing throughout and to this day.

This shit definitely sucks.

But then you get through to the other side, and the unbelievable feeling of having survived the worst makes every moment of every day its own miracle. And that's something we'll all have, always.

As for you, Barbara - man, I'm sorry to read your post. To have someone so close to you be a burden instead of a help... I can't imagine it. And yes, those daily 20 minutes stuck like a dead butterfly to the radiation table sure are a peach, ain't they!

But I'm glad you're getting out of town. Hope you win big in Vegas!

Both of you, please continue to update us.

Courage!
D2

Lisa , I love that sense of humor you possess. LOL You sound like my female counterpart. If I can't make a few laugh everyday, then it was a wasted day. Geez and I don't have any boobs either. LOL But do have hair which I never lost. Keep em smilin.