Am I nuts? My husband is the new patient but I feel like it is happening to me. The shock, the grief, the fear, the anxiety. When he started treatment yesterday, I honestly felt bouts of nausea during the chemo. And nervousness and anxiety during radiation. You've heard of the husbands who get morning sickness? Well that's me except mine is the cancer treatment for my husband! Has anyone felt this way or am I a basket case? And please if you have any advice, send it to me.
With no appetite,
Debbie

Hi Debbie,

I'm a patient but I always say I think this is harder for the caregiver. As a patient we get into "fight" mode and just kind of dive in. Also, we have the docs and nurses (if we're lucky) taking care of us and usually the nurses are so kind. Everyone is so focused on us and the CG takes on everything on their shoulders and it must be so hard. I wish there was something I could say that would help you. I'm sure some of the wonderful CG's will chime in here. I just hope you know how much we appreciate you guys. Hang in there..you will get through this.

By the way...I love your subject for this...it made me laugh:) Keep up that good sense of humor:)

Hi Debbie,

Welcome! It's good you found this site at the beginning of Jim's treatment. Come here often, no one knows better than the people on this site what you are going through. My husband just had radiation, but that in itself was terrifying. I can remember having a knot in my stomach practically the whole time during his treatments.

You're not a basket case, it's normal to feel what you're feeling right now. You love your husband and want him to be OK. Just take it one day at a time. Read as much as you can here, it will help you I promise. And vent as much as you want, we're all here to help and support you. Just remember, you and Jim will get through this.

Hugs,

Shelley

Debbie,

From another Deb....you are very normal. This is something we never thought we would face and yes, you will speak of your hubbie's cancer as the "royal we" because this will take a team effort.

I have never suffered from panic attacks or overwhelming fear of anything but the first visit to Bill's RO for just the consult sent me into a panic attack. I thought I was going to have to run outside I was so wigged out. And the first chemo treatment, I had to tell a nurse not to hug me (she was just trying to be nice and comfort me) because I was so on the verge of tears and did not want to cry in front of Bill and the other infusion patients. So your nausea is expected...your body is trying to cope with a major upheaval.

It will get a little better over time. You will adjust to the things that at first brought horror. Just make sure to get enough sleep...I found that when I was sleep deprived, everything was a mountain. After a good sleep, I would regain my fight and "can do" attitude.

Deb

i lost my sense of smell shortly after andys treatment had started. it was supposed to be one of his side effects. it has been 3 months and i have yet to regain it.
and like all the other posts above have said, what u are feeling is normal. i cant say it will get easier...maybe easier to manage.

Deb

I am really sorry that you and Jim are having to deal with this horrid disease.



Suzanne

With respect, as a patient of this crap for nearly 3 years and also being my own caregiver, I certainly do not share your view that being a caregiver would be harder than being a patient.

I would switch positions any day if it was humanly possible and if I could find someone who would be willing to do so.

Karen

I felt the same when Steve's treatment started and all the way through it. Still to this day, almost 6 months (can you believe 6 months already) since treatment ended I still feel anxious, nauseas, you name it. Always worse before any doctor's appointments.

Glad you have found this site. There is some great information on here and plenty of wonderful people who will show you that what you are feeling is normal, as we've all been there.

Personally from a carer's perspective. I think both carer and patient are pretty crap. Both bring with it there horrors and there pains. Not having been a patient I can't say for sure but from everything I've seen over the last 10 months it doesn't look to wonderful. But also from what I personally have been through over this time, it certainly wasn't a bed of roses. To me, both Steve and I have cancer. Just each one of us has a different part to play in kicking it's butt.

nicely said wendy. u nailed it.

Deb -
My husband is a new patient too and I've often felt I was going crazy. I reacted differently than you describe, but I think its our individual ways of dealing with the situation.
For the first few weeks after Mike was diagnosed, I got really weepy anytime someone was nice to me. I also cried often when I was in the car alone - after I dropped the kids off at school, on my way home from work, you name it.
At the same time, I got incredibly angry over the dumbest things - someone parking their shopping cart in the middle of the isle at the grocery store could almost push me over the edge.
No nausea for me - I am apparently bulking up for what is to come by eating everything not nailed down. At this rate if Mike loses a lot of weight we can just switch wardrobes.
Please don't be afraid to talk to your doctor or try counseling if your anxiety continues. The anxiety could very well be causing the nausea and lack of appetite. You need your strength to take care of Jim. There are a lot of good medications that can help, and there is no shame in asking for and getting that help. These forums have been an incredible help to me. I don't post often, but just reading helps, and there are some very inspiring people on these boards that truly give me hope.
I wish you and Jim the best in this battle!
Blessings,
Shelly

Thank you all for the advice and kind words. Yes, Shelley, I do have the emotional part, exactly like you do -- when someone says nice things to me, especially when it's someone dear to me, I start crying. In fact when we first got the diagnosis, I e-mailed my boss and close co-workers to tell them because I could not talk about it without crying. I specifically told them in the email "I know you care. But please don't come and talk to me about it right now." Eight weeks later, I can now talk about it without tears. But I still have my moments. I will say many of those tearful moments now are tears of joy because so many little prayers have been answered. We get happy and are thankful for little things every day. This board being one of them!

Deb - You have to love the people who just look at you and start crying - they are so helpful. I know the exact feelings you are going through - I wrote to a girlfriend yesterday that I finally understand and feel compassion towards people with anxiety issues. I never got it until now. The day of the dr. visits. the morning of the first chemo clinic - trying to force food into my system and keep it down. The whole thing just sucks BUT we will get through this with the ones we love. Loved the old life when everything just rolled - and given time, we'll get back there. Stay positive, be strong - keep yourself healthy - and visit your gp if you need help. I did - got me through the first couple of weeks and I've been pretty much fine since. Keep the faith.