Just read a bunch of posts and I have to say I was really impressed with the warmth, grace and humor.
Anyway, in the spirit of there are no stupid questions(and in the hope that I will have a clearer mind soon here's some more dazed and confused questions):

I described the "gash" that Dave has. I believe that the ENT biopsied behind that (back towards his throat although he didn't say anything about his throat he did say that his cancer(?) is in the back middle of the tongue). Dave is feeling soreness in a different spot than the "gash" so we are assuming that is where he biopsied.
I was figuring the gash was the CA(if it's there) but now I'm guessing it's just a symptom from it?
So, my question is in order to stage(because they talk about measurements) what exactly are they measuring? are there spots back there we can't see? How does that get measured?

http://oralcancerfoundation.org/facts/stages_cancer.htm

It's all here, you don't have to go elsewhere to find it.

sorry brian

Although there are certain characteristics of SSC lesions that may make them look similar, nobody can tell for SURE that a lesion is a SCC, without a biopsy. SCC is not diagnosed from an MRI or a scan. None of the SCC's that I have seen personally or looked at in textbooks have looked the same.

The one that I had on my tongue did not look at all like any that had seen before or have seen after.

Brian,I did read that. In fact I poured over it. Whoever wrote that did an excellent job of putting it in lay person's terms.
I guess I'm puzzled by what was actually biopsied. Again, the more I read around here, the more I understand that part of the confusion stems from the original visit.
Now, however, I feel more prepared in knowing what to ask.
I did just suggest to Dave that we postpone the MRI till the biopsy returns but he wants to go forward. Again, his decision. I won the ensure battle though...
we absolutely will not be dealing with that Dr again. There is no point. I would love to not deal with any Dr but if needed, Sloan it is.
Jerry, thanks for your post. It provided clarity.
Really , again thank you to everyone.

Pretty soon you will be ready to put signature on your posts as you begin to get finite information. As you can see from the many posters here, besides our cancer details, many have quotes that have stayed with us, and in many ways philosophically identify us.

As you can see Jerry has chosen; "Whatever doesn't kill me, makes me stronger"
Eric has; "He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how"
I believe that mine expresses why I am doing things; "The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant."

People reveal themselves through their choices in many ways, and I think your signature should begin with "Chance favors the prepared mind." I do not think I have ever seen anyone come here so frequently in the beginning to glean every ounce of information out of things this early in the process. It's a good thing. It will likely help you make better decisions. Just a pensive break in thought as you continue to gather information and move forward.

Just remember two things as you continue on your quest. Knowledge and information is only as good as where/who you got it from. And what has become most important in the age of information and the web is this quote - If you don't read/search the web, you are uninformed; if you do read the web, you are likely misinformed. At least here, on this forum, what you are getting are very informed opinions from people who have walked the path, made the mistakes, and found the work arounds, and not some singular blogger that hasn't danced with this devil or had an atypical experience. Also remember that the main site is vetted by our science board, who are some pretty smart people. http://oralcancerfoundation.org/about/advisory.htm

Brian, if I saw me on this board my response would be "whoa, calm down, You don't know anything yet. Get your facts and then figure out how to respond ."
It also hit me when someone suggested that I add a signature line. I looked at others and it struck me my info would have to say "caregiver to someone who was dx with no tests or info."
What was very important to me here though was to get validation that to be told you have CA with very little other info was...um...unusual...
We are now researching Sloan and just reading their website makes me calmer than talking to this Dr.did.
This board was my anti Dr. reminded me what I know when I'm sane.That's invaluable and I thank everyone.

Susan,

I still remember vividly my emotions during the first weeks. When I read your posts, they come pouring back. I too wanted all the answers and knew that information was power as long as it was good information.

How can I simplify those weeks...we had a very poor/weak ENT...at least in the communication arena. I felt like Bill's cancer was bigger than the both of us and just making the call to a CCC was a big hurdle. In hindsite...it was just a phone call...one that the intake people at Moffitt CC got every day and once I made the call, people helped me get to the right place and move forward with Bill's diagnosis and treatment.

On our last visit to Moffitt, I noticed a quote from A.A Milne (Christopher Robin to Pooh) on the wall:

"Remember, you are braver than you believe, you are stronger than you seem, and you are smarter than you think."

Take this to heart and know that you can do this even when it seems impossibly complicated and hard. Put your "Nurse from Hell" hat on and plow forward.

Hugs, Deb

Hi Susan. Welcome but sorry for the circumstances leading you here. I remember when John was diagnosed thinking "this can't be real and I'm to young to be a widow". Do yourself a favor and stay off of the internet "googling" statistics etc. I drove myself crazy wondering if this was a "death" sentence. I remember walking around the first few weeks feeling like I was in a fog and that this couldn't be our lives. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer and couldn't bear the thought of dealing with another "tough to treat and cure" cancer.

Thank God we are on the other side of treatments and life is good! Our love for each other has strengthened even more than I could have ever imagined and we don't take anything for granted.

I agree with getting your hubby to pack on some weight now. Even with the feeding tube in my husband lost 30 lbs. and wasn't overweight to start with. Keep posting and hang in there. Wanda

It hasn't begun until there is a start. And it doesn't end until there is a finish. This goes for everything including diagnosis of OC. He can win this fight with the right mind set and thinking. This from one who lives in pain. But I smile and go on living.