last week was a horrible week, mainly due to the PEG surgery. he is now in his 3rd week and starting to get sores in his mouth, sore throat and terrible mucous. the RO gave him some magic mouthwash. today the RO talked of extending his treatments. this just floored us.
he is already tiring of the treatments and i have such a hard time getting him up to go.
his blood work came back today and his liver count was double what is should be so he is getting a liver ultrasound in the morning. has anyone else experienced a problem with the liver??? i know the chemo filters thru the liver.
he just knew going into this that he was going to be in that slim % that breeze thru this since he was so healthy to start, but it isnt going like that and it just kills his spirit.
i try so hard to stay positive in front of him, but seeing him like this hurts me and i cant help but break down (away from him-dont want him to see me cry).
thanks for letting me unload
teresa

Hey Teresa
sounds pretty much as expected sweetie.Watching the strong men we love going through this is just torture and will wear you down ,but for every bad thing that makes you cry,you will find little thigs to warm your heart.It will get tougher still i am afraid,but stay strong.xxx

Hi Teresa, cry as much as you need to. I did, in the car, in the shower, in the shops. Tried to never cry in front of Steve but sometimes that would happen and if I could I'd leave the room. It's incredibly hard to watch someone you love suffer and not be able to stop that suffering. But you will get through this and so will your husband. I had moments where I thought the nightmare would never end but life has gotten better. You have a rough road ahead but remember if you need a friend or somewhere to vent just come here. I did and these guys helped me immensely.

Hey Teresa, your husband started his treatments that same day I did. Yes, teh throat pain is horrible. I am also starting to get those sores. I know exactly what he goind through. It just zaps your energy. I learned that yesterday when I was not able to get rads, but got chemo. Chemo did not phase me at all, but those ras, I now know wipe me out. I want you to know that it is okay to cry and get it out. We are here for you. I cry almost every day away from my kids and husband. Yesterday I cried on the way to treatment because I did not want to go. This place has been a big help to me. I will continue to post here when I need lift.

Teresa,

Tell him that perhaps only 10% of us get by on the easy side so that means he's in the 90% group that looks back and says the Tx was barbaric. He's also right on schedule as most of us started having our side effects close to the 4th week of Tx so please let him know that he is NORMAL.

Teresa,

For you this will be emotionally more difficult then anything you've probably dealt with before. Get a hold of the caregivers on these forums, like Cookey (Liz) and Wendy to vent to and for advice. Caregivers have it the worst so make sure you are up to the task you've put yourself to. Without my wife in my corner I doubt I would be posting on these forums today.

For your husband, spirit and will are the tools that will carry a person through the worst fights. One, this isn't going to get easier yet so he needs to focus on the fight in front of him, take it one step at a time. Get on these forums, talk to people that have walked the path he's going down (I know, asking a man to get directions!). Get chemical help if needed, antianxiety, antidepressants are at your disposal, use them. If energy is an issue, shoot a 5 Hour Energy shot down the PEG (much better then tasting them). Use any means possible to keep in this fight, his opponent doesn't fight fair and will kill him so don't pull any punches.

He's in Texas for god's sakes...everything is bigger in Texas..including heart! I read books, I kept my mind occupied and as sharp as I could being on opiod pain medications. I reached out to people that could/would help...and I looked to my wife...my rock and got it done. I won't lie, I cried the last week of radiation and my last round of chemo but got it done. Then went on to the worst part for me which was surgery and the recovery from...which was easier for me mentally and emotionally because I knew if I could get through radiation/chemo I could do anything.

I've fought other men for sport and for spite. I've had knives, guns pulled on me. I've had bones broken and taken a left hook to the liver that would drop any man...but none of that prepared me for this fight. Sometimes it takes a woman to pull her man up by the boot straps, be that woman.

Good luck, you both can do this thing.

Eric

Teresa,

Like Wendy, I cried privately everywhere. The RO gave my husband Neurontin for pain which was a lifesaver by the 4th week. Also, he took Ativan every day prior to TX that helped with the anxiety. I used to say to Clark at the end of the day that he was one day closer to the end of TX.

Take care of yourself. Being a caregiver is a tough job.

Anita

Well said Eric xxxx

Hi Teresa,

All great advice above all I can add echos David, 90% of us get our butt whipped. They extended my treatment also, at first it was 33 days, then 36 then 40. I was also prety disheartned.

And I am also my wife cried when I was not aware, it is really tough on you caregivers. I am sure your hubby will appreciate it more than you will ever know.

Steve

thank u all so so so very much. i have found an amazing amount of comfort on this site!

i know that the battle and his pain are only starting. the RO even told him that.

he has a very strong will to live. so i am not afraid of him giving up, besides i will literally drag his butt to tx if i have to--have no doubt!

as each of our children turn 21, we take them to vegas (3 down, 3 to go). our next will be 21 on sept. 30. he is looking forward to this, oddly enough-that keeps him going.

i know this is rough on me...i already see that, and its only begun. but we have a common goal...to live. i expect him to lash out at me, since i am the one here so i dont let that get to me. its just seeing him in pain and not being able to "fix" it that gets to me. one day at a time. one day at a time!

we havent gotten the results of the liver ultrasound yet, maybe later today...ugh, the waiting is torture.

thanks again for the advise!
teresa