don't know where to start...friend has cancer, diagnosed 5 months ago. I am a english mum of two, married and living in Denmark. My friend is also married to a Dane. She has recently finished radio and chemotherapy. Two days ago she has found out the cancer has spread to the bone. So surgery is planned in 3 weeks to remove part of her upper jaw bone.
I am at a loss what to do, what to say now....

The only real thing you can do is encourage her and be her best friend at all times. She will need a caretaker to look out for her and help her. She will need someone to be with her at Dr appointments and to listen to what the Drs say. Write the Drs words on paper or get a recorder and record them, There wil be no mistakes this way. She will also need someone to make she gets the nourishment she will need to keep her weight from dropping off too far. There are just so many things taht she will need help with, but the one best is to just be her best buddy at all times if it is possible.

One of our close friends in the forums just had her jaw removed and a new pne made and put in. It is under the reocurrence Posts and maybe you can pick a little info there. Her name is Christine. As of yesterday , she was still sleeping. You are all in my prayers and thoughts. Jim

Hi Loz,

Welcome to OCF. Sounds like your friend is heading into some more major treatment in which she will need your support. Like Jim said, ChristineB is in the hospital now for a similar surgery. They may be the same...not sure of your friends details. We all understand your concern and you have found the right place for support. How is your friend taking the news?

Loz.

I have had nearly all of my lower jaw (mandible) removed, replaced and reconstructed.

As you are no doubt aware this is a huge operation. So much depends on how much of the bone has to be removed, if they are going to replace it and rebuild it with bone from another part of the body and so many other factors which your friend's doctors would have told her about.

Knowing that there is someone there for her, if and when she may need you, is one of the best things that will comfort your friend.

Wishing her all the best for the coming operation.

Karen

I do not know what to say, except that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I know this is a difficult time for you and her.

I'm in the same boat as Karen and Christine in having my jaw replaced. Understand while devastating and a rough road to travel, it is not certain death. Her outcome will depend on her medical team and how her body responds to the treatment. The only thing she'll be able to control is her attitude and nutrition if she's already sought out and decided upon her medical team.

As a friend just make sure you are there for her. When you talk to her, talk to her as her friend, as you always have...there is no reason to pity her or talk any differently to her (that pisses me off actually). Jim gave great advice.

My true friends were always there when I needed them and just held my hand and gave me a shoulder when I needed...still do that for me.

Good luck, use this site as it has many wise members and good advice, I for one feel lucky to have it.

Eric

You've lots of friends alike here, support & love too Loz, and your friend as well....these people are not like any other....I'm a carer, I love these guys.....they'll help and assist.....xx

Hello,

I am not sure what surgery they are exactly doing to your friend. When I had my first surgery for my cancer they took out 7 teeth and the bone associated with those teeth all the way up to my sinus cavity. But I was fitted for a prosthetic before surgery so when I woke up I had teeth and it wasn't too bad actually. As far as support just be the friend that you would want if you were going through the same thing. A hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to get that one thing you want to eat. I hope that everything goes smoothly for your friend.

Loz--I, too, had surgery to remove part of my upper jaw. It is a simpler procedure than the removal of the lower jaw. Not easy!! but not as complex a procedure as working with the lower jaw. As Brandy mentioned, this surgery leaves an opening in the roof of the mouth...the hard palate....and an appliance called an obturator will be made to be worn to fill that opening. Reconstructive surgery is available also, but often the obturator works well enough that patients choose not to have the big reconstructive surgery.

Christine, the patient mentioned above, has had a different surgery. Her problem, as I understand it, is in the floor of her mouth and in her lower jaw.

I wish your friend well. She will need assistance for a while, but not as much as for some surgeries.....I had help for about 10 days. With the appliance, I could talk, and I gradually learned how to eat with it. I hope that she has a good surgical team, which should include a prosthodontist, which is the dental professional who should prepare the obturator BEFORE her surgery.

Keep us posted. XO