Hi Colleen. I am so very sorry that you and your family are going through all of this. I lost my mom a year and a half ago to pancreatic cancer. I am 46 and a lot older than you but I completely understand your feelings of anxiety and not being able to see your mom and feeling like you can't deal with it. My older sister moved in with my parents the last two weeks of my mom's life while she was on hospice. I took half days from work and would just about have panic attacks driving down to their house in Delaware every day. I had to physically force myself to be there. I wanted to be there but at the same time, couldn't stand to be there. It was the constant not knowing how she would look, not being able to see her physically changing etc. It was just so difficult. I used to feel so guilty that I just couldn't handle it and that my sister was living it 24/7. Try to explain to your sisters your emotions and that you are doing the best you can do. I would handle my visits by "doing things" while I was there. I would run errands, do laundry etc. It was my selfish way of avoiding being in my mom's bedroom. I think there are no right or wrong ways to handle it. I did the best I could but still wish I would have been there more. Sending you a BIG hug. Wanda