Do you ever feel like this is it, you are just snowballing down a mountain and there is no way to stop it, no way to fix it??

H is in the midst of radiation and chemo for the second time. This time, it was because of a large tumor on his left neck (he had chemo and radiation a year ago for his right neck, where there were 9 positive nodes). Anyway, Ok - so I accept it is back, and was ready to just do the treatment, then the surgery. I was prepared. I felt we had a plan. I felt that it would be under control. But here we are in the midst of treatment, and H confides that he thinks the tumor has gotten a little bigger (it had shrunk a bit) and that he feels a small lump now on the back of his neck. After all we have been through, I just feel like this is the beginning of the end. And I don't know why and I hate that I can't stop it. My God - I am totally changing everything - the way we eat, our stress levels, everything, but I feel like it is all too late and there is nothing I can do. We see a doctor tomorrow, inevitably, they won't know what the new lump is and we will get no info that makes us feel any better.

I hate this.
__________
Angie
Husband's history: Stage I sore on right tongue, removed by surgery 7/06. In 1/08, noticed small inflamed node in right neck. Radical neck, 8 positive nodes, cisplatin and IMRT to bilateral neck for 6 weeks. 12/08, large tumor in left neck. Needle biopsy positive. 2/09, begin taxol and carbo and more rt. Rad neck to follow in April.