Let me start with a disclaimer... I'm in awe by how much many of you have gone through and/or have ahead of you. My very young and inexperienced time with cancer has quickly demonstrated to me that I'm far from someone who's got it bad at all... I'm just posting here to quell some of my fears/benefit from your experiences.

Tomorrow I go under the knife. My cancer is at a stage and most often handled with surgery only unless something more is detected. That being said, I'm still a little scared... I think it's apprehension of:

- Going under and hopefully waking up from the Anesthesia
- The expected experience of what is seemingly only a moment for me (because of the Anesthesia) before I wake up to see a stranger's face while I'm in the recovery room waiting for the pain to sink in, desperate to know what the Dr. found, and unable to talk due to swelling

I've tried to stop myself all day thinking along this lines but it's there.

I realize that the pattern is really already in motion and at this point my participation is done other than being a lab rat and a spectator to the next several hours.

It's hard, but I try not to dwell on thoughts of not making it out of the procedure... trying to rationalize that this is simply a procedure not unlike a tooth extraction... but of tissue and possibly my hard palate.

All that being said, I lay here sleepless waiting for my 10:15am prep for 12:15pm surgery!