Jen,

Your original post sounds like you've already got the plan to handle family/friends. My husband is an entertainer and has a huge following via email and his website. Once the "news" got out (we kept it quiet as long as possible, too), we were deluged. I have taken the brunt as, like you, my husband just doesn't feel like talking to each and every person. We both have large families, too, and I immediately made a "friends" group and "family" group in my email contacts. I posted on the website very generalized information on his health and unplugged our phone! For close friends, I sent a little more information via emails; for family, all the details. Of course, they immediately picked up the phone to call -- "it's just me calling" (never considering the other 100 folks who thought the same way). I would again, send out an email and explain that I really didn't have the time or energy to repeat the story verbally every other day to each person. To save my sanity (and job), I had to set them straight -- if I email, it's because I don't have the time nor the energy to call or sit down and talk. I have been extremely blunt with everyone regarding visitors. While I explained the first time that I had to be this way to give us both time to deal with issues and healing and to just have time to breathe, I only explained it once. If they didn't understand, they caught my temper the next time they "dropped by". We have been so fortunate to have great friends and family to support us and they have been overwhelmingly understanding.

But, remember to let your husband know that HE has the right not to be the bearer of news constantly, too. Tell him to set up a method NOW and to stick to it. He needs his strength to help you ... friends and family must understand or they shouldn't even be considered. Each time my husband underwent chemo treatments in hospital, I made sure nurses, floor staff, etc knew NO VISITORS. It is enough to deal with chemo (nausea, etc)without feeling you have to entertain, also. The few that got past the guards were met by me at the door and ushered out very nicely. No one wants "company" when they feel that lousy.

Take care of YOURSELVES. Believe me, your husband needs to know this NOW, too. Rusty & I have been through some tough, tough times this past year and I have reached my emotional and physical limits, too. He has to realize that he has to take care of his needs in order to meet yours. During the worst times, in order to keep my sanity while still trying to work partial days, I have gotten a trusted family member or friend to "sit" with my husband. He really didn't need someone there but I needed someone there to relieve my mind so I could focus on earning an income.

Yall keep your spirits up and don't worry about anyone else. As Ed said, YOU are the center of your health. In this past year, I have dropped a lot of things I used to do that I thought were important or necessary. I had to do this to be more available to help Rusty heal and deal. I don't miss them and they apparently weren't TOO necessary to my life. We went through Hurricane Ivan and, my Type "A" self thought, 'you have to repair everything now!' -- well, I didn't HAVE to and I still HAVEN'T and, you know what, it really isn't that big a deal! I'm working through it at the pace I can deal with and still keep my "duties" with Rusty and my job and myself and things will work out.

I think most people are genuinely concerned and want to help if they can. They don't realize that help can be rest and quiet and time.

Bless you both. Millie