Yes I am exactly how you describe! I can't tell you how much I appreciate your words, I wouldn't wish this anxiety on ANYONE! I hate to admit it but it's true that knowing someone else can understand these warped feelings helps me for some reason. For one if you feel like I do and made it through it and found a place of comfort then I should be able to do it also. I fear that if I do have cancer and get treated sucessfully that I will never be able to shake the fear, remorse, jealousy, and anger. That is really what I'm afraid more than anything.
Once again, thanks ever so much for your consideration and kind thoughts and words. I hate to be so selfish and cry to everybody all the time here but I am really just at a loss as to what to think or do at this time. Waking in the morning is the worst time for me, lol. I hope everyone here does well. When I read about David tonight it really hurt me. It makes me feel guilty for crying but I can't help it.